Do Food Additives Cause Republicans?

[Guest guest]

Do Food Additives Cause Republicans?

by Dante Langston

 

http://www.oriononline.org/pages/oo/curmudgeon/index_Langston.html

 

Could it be too bitter a pill to swallow that, with political alchemy in mind,

culinary engineers might attempt to shape the national interest? We have the

technology to clone sheep and herds of cult-followers, to identify terrorists by

their walk, and to keep Elizabeth Taylor wrinkle-free. I know it sounds silly,

but think about it. What better way to sway the popular vote than at the

cellular level? If you can't effect the desired change through the electoral

process, why not try adding a little P & G yellow to the Freedom Fries?

 

 

 

 

Two Donuts, 1994, Ralph Goings, water and gouache on

foam core. Courtesy OK Harris Works of Art, NYC

Of course, P & G may not stand for Paranoia & Greed, as one vegan friend

suggested, but neither should it be confused with the venerable multinational

giant Proctor & Gamble, whose Metamucil product is being touted in ads as a

" cure " for the irregularity of the Old Faithful geyser. Proctor and Gamble

should be congratulated for finally moving away from their program of testing

products on animals. But an even more patriotic product contribution may be in

the making here, as Proctor and Gamble's largesse emboldens the Bush

Administration to request a mass application of Fixodent in an effort to put

some teeth back into the U.N. Security Council. Perhaps the Department of

Homeland Security's request for a bulk purchase rate on Glad Wrap to seal our

borders could be augmented by a further donation of duct tape and other

essential supplies in the war on terror. But back to the main course.

 

There are certainly historical precedents for " cooking the books " with political

recipes. The European expansion of Empires and exploration of the globe was, in

part, a search for good taste. The common people's demand for Chinese take-out

led Queen Isabella to finance Columbus' voyage in a hunt for the right spices to

carry it off. She recognized how Marco Polo's introduction of spaghetti and ice

cream had given Italians the satisfied smile of Mona Lisa; and happy people

eating Happy Meals don't rock political boats.

 

 

Food as a metaphor for political stupefaction has abounded in American political

rhetoric. Coolidge's promise of " a chicken in every pot, " a phrase he plucked

from Henry IV of France, got him elected king for a day. Walter Mondale's

rustled " Where's the beef? " made him a favorite media morsel for a time.

 

 

Following a hunch last week I attempted to take a survey at my local Mother

Earth Whole Foods store. On a crowded Thursday afternoon, right after the

monthly luncheon of the Sierra Club had released its environmentally angry

minions to do some whole grain purchasing on the way home from picking up the

kids at Steiner schools, I climbed up on a couple of crates of bottled water and

yelled: " Will all the Republicans please hold up your right hand! " Not a single

soul saluted and one angry leftist vegetarian threw an organic tomato at me!

(Have you ever actually seen a Republican -- not counting Charlton Heston -- in

a health food store?)

 

 

As Eric Schlosser pointed out in his Muck-Rekki expose, Fast Food Nation,

corporate farming is rusting the American food chain. The majority of our

national meat supply is processed in just a dozen or so plants. The jolly green

agri-giant processes everything from potatoes to chicken in convenient

cookie-cutter conformity. Food franchises sprout along every thoroughfare, their

very success dependant upon conformity of shape, size, and taste to a nation all

too willingly acclimated to mass production. Bigger, better, more, cheaper -

America! It's sometimes hard to remember which came first -- the Kentucky Fried

Chicken or the Egg McMuffin.

 

 

 

Sabrett, 2002, Ralph Goings, oil on canvas.

Courtesy OK Harris Works of Art, NYC

More importantly, our diet determines our national mood, our character, and our

consciousness. Political persuasion may be defined by the kinds of calories we

consume. Consider the fussy French, our current world-stage debate adversaries.

Charles de Gaulle once complained, understandably, " How can you govern a nation

with 246 varieties of cheese? " That might explain the softer continental

worldview and, at the same time, the hard line on Genetically Modified (GM)

foods in most European nations.

 

Since 1998 the European Union (EU) has required the labeling of all GM foods

creating a de facto moratorium on U.S. imports. The United States stubbornly

refuses to label these unnatural wonders, knowing that most shoppers want GM

foods labeled - so they can avoid them. And the European Parliament shows no

intention of loosening GM food labeling requirements. British Minister of State

for the Environment Michael Meacher recently came out against genetically

engineered foods and crops, calling them unnecessary and dangerous. " The real

problem is whether ten, twenty, thirty years down the track serious and worrying

things will happen that none of us ever predicted. "

 

 

Conceivably, the fork in the path, leading to very different worldviews for the

EU and the United States, is related to the food we fork into our National

Superego. But there are seeds of revolution and growing opposition in the U.S.

as well. Scores of American municipalities, including Boston, Denver, San

Francisco and a hearty portion of the state of Vermont, have passed resolutions

calling for either the labeling of GM foods or a prohibition of the planting of

such crops.

 

 

What's the heartburn all about? Hard proof, even if I could give it to you,

might be difficult for conservatives to digest. But consider that on any given

day, one-quarter of the adult population visits a fast food restaurant. The food

flavor additives used there are top-secret formulas created by dozens of

chemical companies along the " flavor corridor " between Teaneck and South

Brunswick New Jersey. Two-thirds of all the flavor additives sold in the U.S.

annually (estimated at $1.4 billion) are from companies along this stench of the

New Jersey Turnpike, where I grew up. Chemists known as " flavorists " concoct

these top-secret compounds, including both artificial and " natural " flavors

(both created chemically) that give most of the food you buy its taste.

 

 

Amazingly, the FDA does not regulate many of these compounds because they are

GRAS -- Generally Regarded As Safe. (This from the same FDA that brought you

Olestra, and Ephedra.) Now that ninety percent of the money Americans spend on

food is on processed food, look what it is doing to us. We are bigger, but not

better. Health experts from the CDC to Oprah Winfrey are concerned with the size

of our waistlines. Sixty-two per cent of Americans are overweight, and almost

half of those are deemed obese. When N.Y. District Court Judge Robert Sweet

threw out the biggie-sized lawsuit blaming obesity on fast food giant McDonalds

recently, many thought it was the end of another national joke, but Ronald

McDonald is the only one who seems to be still smiling. Is it really just the

fat content of fast food or is it those taste enhancers from New Jersey?

 

 

In 1991 only four states had obesity rates over 15% of their

adult population; now it's 49 states out of 50.

 

As with any theory, the antithesis can sometimes be helpful in proving the

underlying principle. So ask yourself the converse question, as I did while

wiping organic tomato from my shirt: Does eating health food cause liberalism

and democratic voting?

 

 

The last election seems to have mirrored the direction in our national curves,

as our endemic obesity makes it clear that health food aficionados are becoming

a slim minority. Of course, this voting trend will be difficult to document in

exit polls - fat chance a pollster is going to ask American voters leaving a

booth to step on a scale.

 

 

But chew on this CDC factoid: in 1991 only four states had obesity rates over

15% of their adult population; now it's 49 states out of 50. And if you look at

the most well-fed cross section, (the 22 states with obesity rates over 20%),

you'll find that 18 of those states (81%) voted for a Republican President in

2000. The term " Political Fat Cats " used to describe movers, shakers, and

kingmakers; now it might include the average Joe six-pack. Now that's democracy!

 

 

 

River Valley Still Life, 1976, Ralph Goings, watercolor on

paper. Courtesy OK Harris Works of Art, NYC

Perhaps it's no accident that Republicans hold a majority in the U.S. Congress

and state Governorships. Previous political leaders have tried to sway the

national appetite toward " complacency " foods as well. George Bush Sr. hated

broccoli, arguably one of the healthiest foods around. Coincidence or

conspiracy? Bill Clinton, trying to balance his craving for fast food and

donuts, barely kept in shape by running around. (I understand he jogged, too.)

Are we becoming a nation of fatted calves in suburban stockyards so full of

ourselves we can make no more effort than to click the next channel? SUVs are

the only thing we may be able to fit into if current trends hold, and that will

suit the Friends of Detroit, now holding office in Washington, just fine. The

old adage " you are what you eat " could be due for revision. " You vote what you

eat " might be the slogan to watch for in '04.

 

If you think this food for thought is just silly Paranoia & Groaning and you

intend to keep " having it your way, " consider the implications of being at war

with your stomach, and be mindful of Barry Goldwater's caveat: " A government big

enough to give you all you want, is big enough to take it all away. "

 

 

Bon Appetite!

 

 

 

Dante Langston lives along the foothills of southeastern Colorado where he

subsists on a diet high in free-radicals. A past features writer for the

Asheville-Citizen Times, his work has appeared in Canoe and River Runner

magazines.

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