BUSH PROMISES TO BRING TROOPS HOME THROUGH IRAN

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Winner of the First-ever National Press Club Award for Humor

 

 

http://www.borowitzreport.com/archive_rpt.asp?rec=1064 & srch

 

(SATIRE)

 

Wednesday, February 9, 2005

 

BUSH PROMISES TO BRING TROOPS HOME THROUGH IRAN

Most Direct Route, President Says

 

Under pressure to detail an exit strategy for Iraq, President George

W. Bush said at a White House briefing today that he would not

designate an exact timetable for a withdrawal of U.S. troops but

added, " The fastest way to bring the troops home would be through Iran. "

 

After reporters audibly gasped, the president explained that bringing

the troops home through Iran would be " the most direct route " and

produced driving directions from Mapquest to back up his claim.

 

But less than an hour after his remarks, Iranian president Mohammed

Khatami blasted Mr. Bush's exit strategy, arguing that bringing U.S.

troops home through Iran was far from the most direct route, and was,

in fact, going totally in the wrong direction.

 

 

Using a map of the world and a magic marker, President Khatami showed

that by traveling east rather than west, U.S. troops would have to

circumnavigate the globe in order to reach their final destination.

 

In response, Mr. Bush acknowledged that it would be a long journey,

but added, " If necessary, we'll stop in North Korea. "

 

On a related subject, Mr. Bush said that the vote-counting in Iraq's

historic presidential elections was not yet complete but that it

looked like the winner would be actor Jamie Foxx, for his performance

in " Ray. "

 

" He's won everything else so far, " Mr. Bush said.

 

Elsewhere, McDonald's said it would follow up its successful promotion

involving a French fry that looks like Abraham Lincoln by creating a

Supersize vanilla shake that looks like Dick Cheney.

 

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