Fox News Buys Al-Jazeera

[Guest guest]

T

Wed, 2 Feb 2005 06:57:01 -0800 (PST)

Fox News Buys Al-Jazeera

 

 

 

Fox News Buys Al-Jazeera

 

'Hannity and Hussein' among new network's programs

 

WEB-EXCLUSIVE COMMENTARY

 

By Andy Borowitz

 

Newsweek

 

Updated: 12:45 p.m. ET Feb. 1, 2005

 

Feb. 1 - Under intense pressure from the Bush administration to sell

its controversial Al-Jazeera network, the nation of Qatar stunned the

television industry today by agreeing to sell the broadcast company to

Rupert Murdoch's Fox News Channel.

 

Television insiders were taken aback that the network whose motto is

" We Report. You Decide, " would acquire a broadcast entity whose slogan

is " Death to the Infidels. "

 

But according to Murdoch, chairman and CEO of Fox parent News Corp.,

the merger was a natural because, in his words, " We took a look at

their format and realized that it was almost identical to ours. "

 

Murdoch added, " If we really roll up our sleeves and make this merger

work, we may wind up with the fairest and most balanced network

mankind has ever known. "

 

The media mogul said that changes to Al-Jazeera's programming would be

" minimal " at first: " We'll be going through their news copy and every

time they call President Bush 'Satan,' we'll take out the words

'President Bush' and replace them with the words 'Ted Kennedy.' "

 

But viewers can expect much bigger changes to come, as the channel

plans to drop Al-Jazeera's most popular program, " This Week in Jihad, "

in favor of a new show, " Hannity and Hussein. "

 

In the words of a Fox-Jazeera press release, " Hannity and Hussein "

will be " a lively political discussion featuring Fox personality Sean

Hannity, from the right, and deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein,

from his prison cell. "

 

Elsewhere, after Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-N.Y.) fainted during a

speaking appearance in Buffalo, Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass.) wished her a

slow and protracted recovery.

 

 

Andy Borowitz is the author of The Borowitz Report, and the winner of

the National Press Club's humor award. For more, go to borowitzreport.com.

 

http://feeds.bignewsnetwork.com/redir.php?jid=50942454963b50bb & cat=c08dd24cec417\

021

 

( For those on prescription medications: this is satire :-) F.