Jill DaSilva's Story

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http://www.benzo.org.uk/

 

Jill DaSilva's Story

Journey of a Lifetime – Benzos & Me

 

Up until nine months ago I lived a perfectly normal life. Mom of

five with a wonderful husband, lovely home and a lot going for me.

 

I had an abscessed tooth that became badly infected and had to be

put on antibiotics and pain medications for over a week until surgery

could be done to rid me of the bad tooth.

 

The pain meds were codeine and I was told to take two at a time as

needed. Being in so much pain I was taking up to 4 or 5 of these

strong painkillers a day. I lived my life in a drugged haze, my mind

was foggy and I slept most of the time. I didn't like what the meds

were doing to me, but it was either deal with the side effects or deal

with the pain of the infected tooth. I chose the drugs.

 

About a week later, when surgery was done and I no longer had any

pain or a need for painkillers, I stopped them cold turkey. Little did

I know that in that short time I had become addicted or rather my body

had become addicted to the effects of the meds.

 

One month later, almost to the day of my dental surgery I had my

first anxiety attack, and it was a doozie! It struck me completely out

of the blue, no warnings, and left me dialing 911. I thought I was

dying, I couldn't breath, my legs were jelly and the fear washed over

me like tidal wave. The paramedics arrived and knowing the signs of

panic, informed me that indeed, I was having a bad anxiety attack...

One week later I had my second attack, as bad, if not worse than the

first. This time I ended up in emergency on oxygen. Weak and tired and

confused I had no idea why now all of a sudden I was having these

horrendous attacks.

 

About a week after that my doctor prescribed 1mg Ativan quick

release tablets to be taken as needed up to 3 a day. I took my first

1mg in the morning and by 10:00am that same morning I was back on the

phone to 911. The med hit me so quickly, my body didn't have time to

prepare. I had overdosed as I found out in the emergency ward that

morning that the medication was too strong and that I was very drug

sensitive. I never used to be so drug sensitive and I can only blame

the horrible experience I had with my dental problems and the use of

strong painkillers for the anxiety attacks.

 

My doctor told me that because my body had gone through so much in

such a short period, and I had taken such strong, addictive medication

to heal my pain, it was reacting through anxiety/panic attacks.

 

I reduced the dosage of the Ativan, and was now taking about 1/4

of a 1mg tablet. Doesn't seem much does it? But it was enough to get

me addicted! The Ativan left me without feelings. It took away the

attacks, but replaced them, with a numb, sometimes very angry, tired,

human being... me.

 

When I didn't want to use the Ativan anymore, my doctor prescribed

Clonazepam, a stronger med, and I took one dose, and promptly flushed

the rest of the pills down the toilet. They left me feeling worse than

the Ativan did. Then the doctor told me to try Paxil, and gave me some

samples to use for 4 weeks. I haven't opened the boxes and nor will I.

I did research on Paxil, and the horror stories are endless. No thanks!

 

I slowly weaned myself off Ativan, and here I am 3 weeks later.

Drug free, but suffering terrible withdrawal symptoms.

 

Here are the symptoms of my withdrawal:

 

1.

 

Constant Headaches.

2.

 

Shakiness, especially in the hands.

3.

 

Impaired vision.

4.

 

Restlessness.

5.

 

Sleep problems.

6.

 

Moodiness.

7.

 

Jelly or Rubber limbs.

8.

 

Inability to concentrate.

 

The list goes on and I could probably give you about 29 more...

all because of one little pill, that was supposed to help me. The

withdrawal I am having now is 1000% worse than my anxiety attacks ever

were! I had the attacks about once a week, if that, and they lasted no

more than 10 minutes at a time. I now have withdrawal and that lasts

day and night and I have no idea when it will end.

 

I am currently on Kava Kava, a natural herbal relaxant, that is

NOT addictive and causes very few side effects. This is to help my

body adjust to the withdrawal of Ativan. I am also taking a B Vitamin

Complex, Zinc, Vitamin E and Magnesium, this is to replace lost

minerals and vitamins, and are geared towards overall energy. Many

times I have reached towards the Ativan in the last three weeks, and

each time I have pulled my hand away, reminding myself what it was like.

 

I cry a lot now, but that's good, because at least now I am

feeling. I am not depressed nor have I had an anxiety attack in over

four weeks. I am free now as hard as it seems with the withdrawal.

 

I take it one day at a time. I pray each night that the next day

will be easier, and that in fighting such a hard battle, one day I

will win the war.

 

Jill DaSilva

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