Geraldine Burns' Story

[Guest guest]

http://www.benzo.org.uk/

 

Geraldine Burns' Story

 

Geraldine Burns

 

" Each day we are closer to the end of this ordeal. "

 

Imagine going to the hospital to have your second child thinking you

will leave there and all will be fine. After the delivery of my second

child I mentioned to my doctor that I didn't feel well. I had vomited

through my whole pregnancy and was run down from having another child

at home plus I was working full time. I was given Ativan and told to

go home and take as needed.

 

As I continued to feel terrible, weighing only about 105 pounds at the

time, yet feeling like I weighed 1,000 pounds I was finally told to go

to a psychiatrist. I told this psychiatrist that I felt like something

was wrong inside of me, that I felt like I weighed 1,000 pounds. I was

never depressed, just felt rundown. I had only taken the Ativan I was

given in the hospital here and there, but was told by the psychiatrist

to start taking them regularly and on our next visit she would

prescribe an antidepressant. I told her I wasn't depressed, but she

insisted I was, I just didn't know it. She told me I had a chemical

imbalance and she could fix it with medication and I would be like new.

 

Over the next year I continued taking Ativan on a regular basis and

was prescribed different antidepressants, none of which helped and

only made me sicker. In fact, I was now becoming more fearful and

agoraphobic and my doctor was telling me it was me. I did question her

about the drugs (Ativan) making me sicker, but I was told it was

harmless and non-addictive.

 

Finally, I read an article in " Prevention Magazine " that mentioned

exactly how I felt. It stated that a slight infection can occur in a

woman's uterus after child birth causing exactly what I had been

feeling. I called my internist and asked for the antibiotic mentioned

in the article.

 

Within five days I felt wonderful and whole again. I went to cut down

and come off of the Ativan and experienced withdrawal (only I didn't

know it was withdrawal). I was told by my psychiatrist to stop looking

for a physical reason for things happening to me and that I had to

take Ativan " for the rest of my life. " I had never experienced anxiety

like the anxiety associated with tranquilizer withdrawal and continued

taking Ativan for nine more years after that.

 

During the nine years my dosage kept going up and more antidepressants

were constantly added. I had reactions to all of them, including

tachycardia attacks for which I was then put on heart medication.

During these nine years, I started to have menstrual problems to the

point I was now bleeding three weeks out of the month. I never

connected the Ativan usage to the bleeding at that time. I had a

hysterectomy in 1996. I had informed my doctor about the bleeding

growing increasingly over the years and instead of informing me it

could be from the Ativan, she thought the hysterectomy would be a good

idea. After the hysterectomy, I was told by my surgeon that my uterus

was in perfect condition.

 

During these years, I continued to question my doctor about the Ativan

being the root cause of my becoming more anxious and more agoraphobic,

but she would constantly remind me that Ativan was " harmless and

non-addictive " and that I would have to take it for the rest of my life.

 

Finally, on April 17, 1997 I met my new gynecologist who when I

mentioned to her about Ativan and how I couldn't be without it,

informed me I was " on one of the most addictive drugs ever made. "

Finally, I had an answer to the mysterious illness I had been chasing

for all these years. I didn't have much information to taper and was

told to come off in two weeks' time, but knew that would kill me. I

found a book by Dr. Billie Sahley and spoke with another doctor in my

area and came up with a plan to taper.

 

I came off of 3mg of Ativan in a period of four months, which was much

too fast. I did fine for the first five months off and felt pretty

good, then I got hit with protracted withdrawal. I lost 20 pounds in

23 days and felt as if I had been plunged into hell. After a month, I

took a little piece of Ativan to see if I could get some relief and

sure enough I did. I had no one to speak with, doctors in the Boston

area told me Ativan should have been out of my system in 30 days and I

was not suffering withdrawal.

 

I was offered all kinds of free antidepressants, but refused. I knew

in my heart I was suffering from what Ativan had done to me. I found a

book on the Internet which led me to Benzodiazepines Anonymous. I

spoke with the cofounder who explained everything to me, but I was

still suffering.

 

After months of suffering, I found myself quitting the Ativan again on

September 12, 1998. This time, my son helped me to look for others

like myself on the Internet and I found CITA in England. With a phone

call to them in September that year, it saved me from taking more

Ativan or any other drug to help with withdrawal. I started to find

others like myself on the Internet and then started the benzo eGroup

support group. Having others like myself to speak/email with is what

saved me from going back on drugs. Because we don't have a lot of

support systems for tranquilizer users in the United States, having

the Internet support was wonderful.

 

I have spoken to so many wonderful people all over the world going

through the same thing that I am. Hearing their recovery stories is

what keeps me going. In the darkest time of my life, I have been

fortunate enough to have had the whole world opened up to me and met

some of the most caring, wonderful people you could possibly meet.

 

Today, a little over two years off, I still suffer with agoraphobia

and monophobia along with some physical symptoms. It gets better all

the time, but I'd love to have my full life back. Protracted

withdrawal is something we have to be patient with. Taking care of our

stress levels and diet are very important.

 

I thank God Almighty for the road He has chosen for me, even though it

is not one I would have wanted, but everything happens for a reason.

 

Love,

 

Geraldine Burns

Owner of the Benzo Group

Email