Carol Packer's Story

[Guest guest]

http://www.benzo.org.uk/

 

Carol Packer's Story

 

A lesson in polypharmacy and how dangerous

it is to be prescribed drug cocktails

 

PART I

 

We begin in November 1991 when I am sitting in the doctor's chair

complaining of severe upper abdominal pain.

 

" Sounds like gallstones, " says he, " but as there is a long waiting

list I'll prescribe you some painkillers. Take 2x50mg every 3 hours. "

 

This was for Pethidine. Well at the time I did not know it was a

highly addictive Opiate and a Class A drug. My doctor never told me or

warned of any side-effects. Very soon I was highly addicted and

getting through many tablets day and night even when I did not have

pain (much to my shame).

 

My husband Steve noticed a change in me and mentioned about the drugs

to the doctor who told him that I could talk them for life.

 

I became the opposite of who I really am as normally I am outgoing,

extrovert, bubbly and a lover of life but after eighteen months of

this stuff I had become insecure, feeling very low and withdrawn.

 

Back to the doc I go and he says I have depression and prescribes an

Anti-depressant called Doxepin to take alongside the Pethidine.

 

Six months later the true nightmare begins. With the knowledge I have

now I realise that when all hell broke loose on that July morning in

1993 I had reached tolerance level on the Opiate. I woke with a myriad

of new symptoms, I couldn't breathe or stop shaking, I felt terror and

just could not function physically or mentally. My husband was

terrified too as he didn't know what to do. The doctor arrived and

said, " I'm stopping your Pethidine. " He did so and I went into cold

turkey withdrawal.

 

Within two days I was seeing a Psychiatrist and a Community

Psychiatric Nurse (both of whom had been given a charisma bypass I

think!!) and in their great wisdom I was diagnosed with anxiety and

depression and immediately prescribed, Melleril, Surmontil, Diazepam

and Temazepam.

 

This cocktail I took for about five months with no let up in symptoms

and in fact new symptoms were coming all the time. I was in constant

fear and panic, confused and clumsy and developed skin rashes and

vision problems and agoraphobia.

 

Then they decided to stop the whole cocktail dead and put me on

Prozac, Oxazepam and Chloral Hydrate. In an attempt to get me out of

the house they advised me to attend a mental health day centre two

days a week. This was not good for me yet I was so weak I did anything

they said. It was awful and it was there that I saw people worse than

I ever could imagine and of course then my fear of going mad and

getting schizophrenia overcame me and became an obsessive irrational fear.

 

For the first time in my life in December 1993 I became suicidal and

went into Psychiatric hospital for ten days as a voluntary patient.

This happened again in April 1995 and on both occasions it was after

changes in drugs and going cold turkey from one lot to be put on another.

 

After two years of going to the day centre Steve and I decided it was

doing me no good and after being in the hospital where we were treated

like animals I stopped going and I vowed that no-one would ever treat

me that way again.

 

My shrink etc kept telling me to take my pills and to stop going on

crusades trying to find out what was wrong with me.

 

Then in 1998 I had a stroke of luck when I read a magazine article

that was about a lady who had the same symptoms as me because of

Valium and there were two helpline numbers to ring – one for CITA and

the other for The Bristol & District Tranquilliser Project. I rang

them both as I was in such a mess because a month earlier my

Psychiatrist had discharged me and said I wasn't to take any more

pills and the best thing I could do was to get a job.

 

Job! I couldn't even care for myself or Steve and our three children

let alone go out to work. Yet before pills I worked in a care home and

in a school and NEVER EVER had even mild anxiety or depression.

 

From then on I rang CITA whenever I could and started attending group

meetings at Bristol. I was making progress until February 1999 when I

had an operation and was in hospital for three weeks. I was given a

Valium shot as a pre-med and several times a day had opiate shots. Two

days after I was discharged all my symptoms came back very severely

which I have been told was a result of having more chemicals before

the last lot of withdrawals were over.

 

I then found the Benzo Group on the Internet and Geraldine and Cindy

and that has helped me so much.

 

People also like Barry Haslam, Heather Ashton and Mary Baker and Josie

Hollis have all been through this hell (apart from Professor Ashton!)

and survived have given me help advice and comfort. Then there are my

dear friends at Bristol and CITA and members of the Internet group all

of whom have got me this far.

 

Altogether I was prescribed 22 different types of psychotropic drugs

and cold turkeyed every time. Polypharmacy such as this is so dangerous.

 

In many ways I am lucky I've lost only eight years of my life so far

but that's time I've missed with my husband and children that I can

never get back. Many others have lost decades. I'm also so lucky to

have had such a supportive mum and dad and my three children Melanie,

Stuart and Daniel and, of course, my darling Steve who has always been

there for me.

 

Yes, it has put a tremendous strain on our marriage and our finances

but we are closer than ever before. Sadly along the way I've lost

people who I thought were friends. My mother- and father-in-law

thought I was using my illness as an excuse not to work and thought I

was mentally ill so they no longer speak to me. My sister and her

family who only live down the road said I was different and they don't

understand why so they stopped coming round and calling and just pass

me by in the street.

 

My symptoms are easier some days than others but I've had the usual,

panic-attacks, fear, depression, anxiety, obsessive fears and

thoughts, agoraphobia, confusion and many, many more. If my story

helps one person through this nightmare then I shall feel that I have

done a small something so please if you end up on these bloody drugs,

come off slowly, with support and STAY AWAY FROM CHEMICAL COCKTAILS.

 

My love to everyone whatever stage of withdrawal you are in.

 

Carol Packer (UK)

Email · www.benzodiazepine.org

 

Carol Packer's Story

 

PART II

 

My story along with many others has a happy ending. Many of my

symptoms have either entirely disappeared or have diminished to the

point where they are barely noticeable, once in a while they may, for

a day or two increase but are nowhere as bad as before and they soon

go again. During my withdrawal journey I have been lucky enough to

have had tremendous support, not only from my family and

professionals, but also people who have gone through this before me.

They were there to reassure me and guide me through the frightening

physical, emotional and mental symptoms caused by these drugs.

 

I have also been lucky enough to have found a wonderful GP and he

fully understands this illness and as well as using orthodox medicine

he also uses many complementary therapies and his flower remedies

really helped as does his ability to listen – really listen – to what

I was telling him and unlike my previous encounters with doctors he

did not treat me as " another neurotic housewife " and that is something

I will always be grateful for. I was able to attend one-to-one

Counselling sessions and groups at the Bristol Project, and eventually

did some volunteer work there. The Project helped me a great deal and

taught me so much. It's certain that their help and friendship was

invaluable in my recovery.

 

Many other individuals were always there on the end of the phone for

me, friends, counsellors and advisors, including Reg Peart, CITA and

Professor Heather Ashton, and, there was Joy, a friend,

psychotherapist and counsellor who has kindly put together a web site

for me, she taught me how to relax, listened to me for hours,

comforted me and helped me regain my self esteem and confidence.

 

In addition, I found the Internet Site set up by Geraldine Burns a

great help, it gave much support and enabled me to communicate and

make new friends from all over the globe. It also showed me what a

Worldwide problem this illness is, it is a marvellous group full of

caring people who do not deserve what has happened to them. I'm

grateful to Geraldine and everyone there. Jim Folk's excellent website

also proved invaluable, it helped me understand anxiety, panic attacks

and how our nervous system works. Understanding also came from Bronwyn

Fox an Australian expert on anxiety and similar related problems.

 

As each day goes by I get stronger and know that full recovery is only

just around the corner. It hasn't been easy and it hasn't been fast,

recovery is very up and down but to be free of the constant fear,

anxiety, panic, depression, dizziness, unreality and derealisation is

wonderful. We must remember that nature doesn't heal in a straight

line, that its rather like three steps forward and one back, but, it's

all been worth it, as my life now is so much better than it was when I

was taking pills every day. Although its not a path I would have

willingly gone down it has taught me many things and enabled me to

come in contact with the most wonderful, kindest people in the World.

I'm living proof that recovery is possible, I'm no braver than anyone

else, so if I can do it so can you.

 

My www.benzodiazepine.org site is dedicated to everyone who has gone

through, or is going through this prescribed drug-induced illness and

withdrawal.

 

Carol Packer (UK)

Email · www.benzodiazepine.org

 

INSOMNIA AND FATIGUE IN WITHDRAWAL

 

by Carol Packer

 

It is very common both whilst taking benzos and in withdrawal to

suffer from insomnia and fatigue. Once again the drugs affect the

brain chemicals that help us sleep and although they will eventually

start working again, it takes time. Again that old withdrawal enemy

adrenaline is at work. Excess adrenaline is still in the blood stream

when its bedtime. During sleep the body produces growth hormones which

help renew body tissue but these can only work in the absence of

adrenaline.

 

This is a very frustrating part of withdrawal and I wish the answer

was easy but we're battling chemicals here so again time is the key.

You can do a few things to help yourself but never forget that its

withdrawal, not a failing in you and your normal sleeping pattern will

return to normal.

 

1.

 

Try to stick to a regular bedtime routine.

2.

 

Do not exercise or have excess caffeine 4 hours before going to

bed (this will stimulate your system).

3.

 

Do not get into the trap of worrying about not sleeping as this

will make you agitated.

4.

 

Have a warm bath and a cup of chamomile tea before bed.

5.

 

Instead of lying there worrying try this simple exercise: Make a

mental list of all the furniture in your house and where it is. Walk

through your house in your mind, change things if you want to, move

the furniture around. Then do the same with your parents or friends

house. This exercise focuses your attention and creates effective

distraction.

 

Tiredness is another very important part of withdrawal and you can

feel completely exhausted, in fact many people are misdiagnosed with

M.E. which when through withdrawal miraculously disappears! It is hard

to cope with but please keep moving, do not lay around on the bed or

settee even though you feel like it. This symptom like all the others

is a direct result of the action of the drug on your body and will

leave. Drink plenty of fresh water, eat a healthy diet to keep blood

sugar levels even for energy and take walks. Rest in between and as

time goes by your withdrawal exhaustion will leave and your natural

energy and zest for life will return.

 

ANXIETY / FIGHT AND FLIGHT IN WITHDRAWAL

 

by Carol Packer

 

A lot of our withdrawals are caused by the effects the drugs have

directly on our brain and nervous system. Most of you have heard of

the 'Fight or Flight' response, which is the body's reaction to any

threat real or imaginary. This response can be turned on by too much

stress, fear and, of course, drugs. A large part of withdrawal

feelings are anxiety and panic sometimes to unbearable degrees. Always

remember this is not you but the way our bodies and brains react to

these chemicals and withdrawal from them. It has been scientifically

proven that anxiety and therefore adrenaline levels in withdrawal can

be up to 6 times higher than normal so its no surprise we feel

terrified. These levels of adrenaline will return to normal but it

takes time. The drugs knock out our own stress coping chemicals in the

brain and so in withdrawal we have to wait not only for the drugs to

leave our system but for our own chemicals to begin working properly

once again and of course the speed at which this happens is different

for everyone.

 

As soon as extra adrenaline and cortisol are released into the

bloodstream several changes take place. Our breathing rate increases

to give the brain and muscles more oxygen, the heart beats faster so

you get palpitations, blood pressure rises, you sweat more, sugars and

fats are released into the bloodstream to give extra energy, our

muscles go tight and tense and our mouth goes dry. Originally this

system was to keep us safe and we either fight the danger or run from

it and therefore the excess adrenaline was soon used up and we

returned to the normal relaxed state. This is more difficult in

withdrawal due to the higher levels of chemicals and we often feel too

tired or anxious to do anything. I know it's so difficult but we must

try to get rid of some of this adrenaline. I don't mean running around

the block but gentle exercise, even walking up and down the stairs a

few times or gentle aerobics (if you can), anything sensible to use up

the adrenaline, yes even sex, apparently that's one of the best ways!!!

 

Of course when we feel this way any extra stress even minor will cause

our nervous system to react. This is normal in withdrawal, eventually

you will be able to cope again. It is easy at this time to try to ease

the dreadful feelings with excessive smoking or drinking or even the

odd tranquilliser again, but PLEASE RESIST this as it will slow down

your recovery and prolong withdrawal.

 

Another feeling you may have when you have excess adrenaline etc is

anger (this can be frightening if you are normally a placid person)

and you can also become very irritable and agitated, tearful and have

obsessive thoughts and irrational fears and phobias.

 

Overbreathing can cause many symptoms also, so if you can find a good

book or teacher so that you can learn to correct the breathing this

will help a great deal as this will enable your body to relax and

regain its equilibrium whilst calming your mind so that your anxiety

and its related symptoms will disappear.

 

I know first hand how frustrating it is to be told to learn breathing

and relaxation but please try – even if it's only 5 or 10 minutes a

day to start with. It does work but not overnight. Visualisation helps

too if you can do it. Remember not to get too frustrated if the

effects are not as good as you hoped as these things will begin to

work better the further you get from the drugs so stick at it. Keep

telling yourself this is all caused by withdrawal and will leave but

time is the main healer although you can help it along by learning as

many self-help techniques as possible. I wish I could tell you a

certain date that you will recover by but we are all different. Our

body chemistry is individual to us and our circumstances are different

but what I can tell you is that provided you stay away from any

mood-altering substances, YOU WILL RECOVER from the side effects and

withdrawal symptoms these drugs have caused.

 

Carol Packer (UK)

Email · www.benzodiazepine.org

 

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