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Fwd: Dubya's updated resume

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> d

> Fri, 27 Aug 2004

> Dubya's updated resume

>

>

> This individual seeks an executive position.

> He will be available next January, and is willing

> to relocate.

>

> RESUME

>

> GEORGE W. BUSH

> 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

> Washington, DC 20520

>

> EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

>

> Law Enforcement:

> I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine,

> in 1976 for driving under the influence of

> alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my

> driver's

> license suspended for 30 days.

>

> My Texas driving

> record has been " lost " and is not available.

>

> Military:

> I joined the Texas Air National Guard and

> went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or

> answer any questions about my drug use. By joining

> the

> Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid

> combat duty in Vietnam.

>

> College:

> I graduated from Yale University with a

> low C average. I was a cheerleader.

>

> PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

> I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began

> my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas,

> in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't

> find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt

> shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the

> Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal

> that took land using taxpayer money. With the help

> of my father and our friends in the oil industry

> (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected

> governor of Texas.

>

> ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

>

> - I changed Texas pollution laws to favor

> power and oil companies, making Texas the most

> polluted state in the Union. During my tenure,

> Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden

> city in America.

>

> - I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas

> treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.

>

> - I set the record for the most

> executions by any governor in American history.

>

> - With the help of my brother, the

> governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to

> the Supreme Court, I became President after losing

> by over 500,000 votes.

>

> ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

>

> - I am the first President in U.S.

> history to enter office with a criminal record.

>

> - I invaded and occupied two countries at

> a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per

> week.

>

> - I spent the U.S. surplus and

> effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.

>

> - I shattered the record for the largest

> annual deficit in U.S. history.

>

> - I set an economic record for most

> private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.

>

> - I set the all-time record for most

> foreclosures in a 12-month period.

>

> - I set the all-time record for the

> biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock

> market.

> In my first year in office, over 2 million

> Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues

> every month.

>

> - I'm proud that the members of my

> cabinet are the richest of any administration in

> U.S.

> history. My " poorest millionaire, " Condoleeza

> Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

>

> - I set the record for most campaign

> fund-raising trips by a U.S. President.

>

> - I am the all-time U.S. and world

> record-holder for receiving the most corporate

> campaign

> donations.

>

> - My largest lifetime campaign

> contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth

> Lay,

> presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud

> in U.S. History, Enron.

>

> - My political party used Enron private

> jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success

> with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election

> decision.

>

> - I have protected my friends at Enron

> and Halliburton against investigation or

> prosecution. More time and money was spent

> investigating

> the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent

> investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs

> in history. I presided over the biggest energy

> crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when

> corruption involving the oil industry was

> revealed.

>

> - I presided over the highest gasoline

>

> prices in U.S. history.

>

> - I changed the U.S. policy to allow

> convicted criminals to be awarded government

> contracts.

>

> - I appointed more convicted criminals to

> administration than any President in U.S.

> history.

>

> - I created the Ministry of Homeland

> Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of

> the United States government.

>

> - I've broken more international treaties

> than any President in U.S. history.

>

> - I am the first President in U.S.

> history to have the United Nations remove the U.S.

> from

> the Human Rights Commission.

>

> - I withdrew the U.S. from the World

> Court of Law.

>

> - I refused to allow inspector's access

> to U.S. " prisoners of war " detainees and thereby

> have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.

>

> - I am the first President in history to

> refuse United Nations election inspectors (during

> the 2002 U.S. election).

>

> - I set the record for fewest numbers of

> press conferences of any President since the

> advent of television.

>

> - I set the all-time record for most days

> on vacation in any one-year period. After taking

> off the entire month of August, I presided over

> the worst security failure in U.S. history.

>

> - I garnered the most sympathy ever for

> the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and

> less than a year later made the U.S. the most

> hated country in the world, the largest failure of

> diplomacy in world history.

>

> - I have set the all-time record for most

> people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in

> public venues (15 million people), shattering the

> record for protests against any person in the

> history of mankind.

>

> - I am the first President in U.S.

> history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack

> and

> the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I

> did so against the will of the United Nations,

> the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world

> community.

>

> - I have cut health care benefits for war

> veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for

> active duty troops and their families in wartime.

>

> - In my State of the Union Address, I

> lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then

> blamed the lies on our British friends.

>

> - I am the first President in history to

> have a majority of Europeans

> (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to

> world peace and security.

>

> - I am supporting development of a

> nuclear " Tactical Bunker Buster, " a WMD.

>

> - I have so far failed to fulfill my

> pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice.

>

> RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

>

> -All records of my tenure as governor of

> Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and

> unavailable for public view.

>

> - All records of SEC investigations into

> my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are

> sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public

> view.

>

> - All records or minutes from meetings

> that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding

> public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and

> unavailable for public review.

>

> PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN

> 2004!

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