Guest guest Posted August 28, 2004 Report Share Posted August 28, 2004 > d > Fri, 27 Aug 2004 > Dubya's updated resume > > > This individual seeks an executive position. > He will be available next January, and is willing > to relocate. > > RESUME > > GEORGE W. BUSH > 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue > Washington, DC 20520 > > EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE: > > Law Enforcement: > I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, > in 1976 for driving under the influence of > alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my > driver's > license suspended for 30 days. > > My Texas driving > record has been " lost " and is not available. > > Military: > I joined the Texas Air National Guard and > went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or > answer any questions about my drug use. By joining > the > Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid > combat duty in Vietnam. > > College: > I graduated from Yale University with a > low C average. I was a cheerleader. > > PAST WORK EXPERIENCE: > I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began > my career in the oil business in Midland, Texas, > in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't > find any oil in Texas. The company went bankrupt > shortly after I sold all my stock. I bought the > Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal > that took land using taxpayer money. With the help > of my father and our friends in the oil industry > (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected > governor of Texas. > > ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS: > > - I changed Texas pollution laws to favor > power and oil companies, making Texas the most > polluted state in the Union. During my tenure, > Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden > city in America. > > - I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas > treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money. > > - I set the record for the most > executions by any governor in American history. > > - With the help of my brother, the > governor of Florida, and my father's appointments to > the Supreme Court, I became President after losing > by over 500,000 votes. > > ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: > > - I am the first President in U.S. > history to enter office with a criminal record. > > - I invaded and occupied two countries at > a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per > week. > > - I spent the U.S. surplus and > effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury. > > - I shattered the record for the largest > annual deficit in U.S. history. > > - I set an economic record for most > private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. > > - I set the all-time record for most > foreclosures in a 12-month period. > > - I set the all-time record for the > biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock > market. > In my first year in office, over 2 million > Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues > every month. > > - I'm proud that the members of my > cabinet are the richest of any administration in > U.S. > history. My " poorest millionaire, " Condoleeza > Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her. > > - I set the record for most campaign > fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. > > - I am the all-time U.S. and world > record-holder for receiving the most corporate > campaign > donations. > > - My largest lifetime campaign > contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth > Lay, > presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud > in U.S. History, Enron. > > - My political party used Enron private > jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success > with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election > decision. > > - I have protected my friends at Enron > and Halliburton against investigation or > prosecution. More time and money was spent > investigating > the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent > investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs > in history. I presided over the biggest energy > crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when > corruption involving the oil industry was > revealed. > > - I presided over the highest gasoline > > prices in U.S. history. > > - I changed the U.S. policy to allow > convicted criminals to be awarded government > contracts. > > - I appointed more convicted criminals to > administration than any President in U.S. > history. > > - I created the Ministry of Homeland > Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of > the United States government. > > - I've broken more international treaties > than any President in U.S. history. > > - I am the first President in U.S. > history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. > from > the Human Rights Commission. > > - I withdrew the U.S. from the World > Court of Law. > > - I refused to allow inspector's access > to U.S. " prisoners of war " detainees and thereby > have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention. > > - I am the first President in history to > refuse United Nations election inspectors (during > the 2002 U.S. election). > > - I set the record for fewest numbers of > press conferences of any President since the > advent of television. > > - I set the all-time record for most days > on vacation in any one-year period. After taking > off the entire month of August, I presided over > the worst security failure in U.S. history. > > - I garnered the most sympathy ever for > the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and > less than a year later made the U.S. the most > hated country in the world, the largest failure of > diplomacy in world history. > > - I have set the all-time record for most > people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in > public venues (15 million people), shattering the > record for protests against any person in the > history of mankind. > > - I am the first President in U.S. > history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack > and > the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I > did so against the will of the United Nations, > the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world > community. > > - I have cut health care benefits for war > veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for > active duty troops and their families in wartime. > > - In my State of the Union Address, I > lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then > blamed the lies on our British friends. > > - I am the first President in history to > have a majority of Europeans > (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to > world peace and security. > > - I am supporting development of a > nuclear " Tactical Bunker Buster, " a WMD. > > - I have so far failed to fulfill my > pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden to justice. > > RECORDS AND REFERENCES: > > -All records of my tenure as governor of > Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and > unavailable for public view. > > - All records of SEC investigations into > my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are > sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public > view. > > - All records or minutes from meetings > that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding > public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and > unavailable for public review. > > PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN > 2004! 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