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> ELEMENTARY BIBLE SCHOOL TESTS

> CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY BIBLE SCHOOL TESTS

>

> PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF

> YOU KNOW THE

> BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT

> COMES FROM A CATHOLIC

> ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS

> ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW

> TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE

> WERE WRITTEN BY

> CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NEITHER BEEN RETOUCHED NOR

> CORRECTED. INCORRECT

> SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. <BR><BR><BR>

> <BR><BR></SPAN><FONT size=3

> PTSIZE= " 18 " FAMILY= " ZZZSCRIPT " ><SPAN

> style= " FONT-WEIGHT: bold; FONT-SIZE:

> 18pt; COLOR: blue; FONT-FAMILY: 'Comic Sans MS' " >1.

> IN THE FIRST BOOK OF

> THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE

> WORLD SO HE TOOK

> THE SABBATH OFF. <BR><BR>2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED

> FROM AN APPLE

> TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK

> AND THE ANIMALS

> CAME ON IN PEARS.

>

> 3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT

> A BALL OF FIRE

> DURING THE NIGHT.

>

> 4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY

> THEY HAD TROUBLE

> WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

>

> 5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED

> ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL

> LIKE DELILAH.

>

> 6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE

> APOSTLES.

>

> 7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE

> UNLEAVENED BREAD

> WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.

>

> 8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.

> AFTERWARDS, MOSES

> WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.

>

> 9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO

> EAT THE APPLE.

>

> 10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT

> ADULTERY.

>

> 11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN

> JOSHUA LED THE

> HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

>

> 12. THE GREATEST MIRACLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA

> TOLD HIS SON TO

> STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

>

> 13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING

> THE LIAR. HE

> FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN

> BIBLICAL TIMES.

>

> 14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVID'S SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND

> 700 PORCUPINES.

>

> 15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE

> SANG THE MAGNA

> CARTA.

>

> 16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE

> ARRIVED THEY FOUND

> JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

>

> 17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE

> CONTRAPTION.

>

> 18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

>

>

> 19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO

> UNTO OTHERS

> BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN

> DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT

> ALONE.

>

> 20. IT WAS A MIR! ACLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD

> AND MANAGED TO GET

> THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

>

> 21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE

> 12 DECIBELS.

>

> 22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

>

> 23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO

> A TAXIMAN..

>

> 24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED

> HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH

> IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

>

> 25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED

> MONOTONY.

>

>

>

>

>

>

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