failure to thrive-LONG!!! S|******

[Guest guest]

Erin,

I have to commend you on your honesty and openness...as my mother was not.

I am very glad you posted this, and you've seen all my posts on this...

If my brother and I weren't left with this babysitter and that one, we were left for my disabled grandma to deal with...because my mother didn't have "the instinct" or time.

I grew up not necessarily hating her...I adored my mother when I was a little girl...always doing anything I could think of, good or bad, to get her attention. No matter what the circumstances were, I just wanted to be with my mommy. Every one said she just didn't want us, but I just couldn't understand this...I always made excuses for her.

Nothing I done was good enough. She was good to us, I guess, when she was around, that just wasn't as often as everyone else's mom, and I felt out of place.

Then in my teen years I grew very bitter with my mom. She never wanted us around until we were working age, and then it was only because we needed no "mothering". By this time, we were used to it. Alot of hard years for all of us.

Then, when I was 18 I had my first baby...

What I'm trying to get at here...is the fact that I never understood until I had babies of my own. I didn't go through what she did, everyone says I'm too motherly, but I also have my mothers control streak...that was part of my moms problem...kids didn't allow her enough control of her personal self. Having kids meant having to put up with a man (or so she thought) and she couldn't deal with that...and a whole slew of other "issues". But, now that I am a little more mature and have done all this research and such on all this and that, I can understand it. I still don't like that I had to be born to a mommy like that, but I do understand it. Some women just ain't cut out to be the all mighty mommy that others hope to be...

I'm not a perfect mommy by no means...but, it was really bad for me as a child with my mom...I still wouldn't, couldn't have understood when I was little, but I think if she'd at least tried to explain (maybe she didn't realize herself, I dunno) some time later, then I would have been able to understand alot sooner than my thirties...

Failure to thrive?...oh I thrived very well, just a whole lot sooner than I should have...

But, the only thing I blame on my mom was the fact that I had to take care of myself way too early...Myself, personally, I just couldn't talk to any other person about the things I so wanted to talk to my mom about...but, she was never there.

And, even now...I still have issues with this, I am so sad that my mother had to miss what tests my last nerve every day...watching a child grow up.

Now, my mom today is the nightmare grandma. She is the grandma that is always buying too much, trying to turn my kids against me because I'm too strict, etc., etc.

Now, I'm not saying that all mommy's that don't have that "instinct" will do this...but, that's how I see it from my grown child's eyes.

Even with all that said, I do think that a child should live with whoever wants and can afford them the most...in that order.

Again, I think a lot of you for being "woman enough" to admit all that.

Sincerely,

Angel

 

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ErinJC23

herbal remedies

Tuesday, July 22, 2003 7:48 PM

[herbal remedies] Re: failure to thrive-LONG!!! S|******

 

"It's also a task that is never done. Much like raising kids which I'm none the fond of either."Lauren,This is a quote from your post and my first thought is that you may be personally be suffering from ppd- postpartum depression! How are YOU really feeling???? Do you personally need some assistance at this time?I was going to stay out of this, but as usual I can't resist lol. I hope not to step on toes here, as mothering is regarded as so sacred on here. (perhaps sacred is not the right word but you know what I mean).