The Men's View

[Guest guest]

The Men's View

We

always hear " the rules " from the female side. Now here are the rules

from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered " #1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the

toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. You can handle it. We

need it up. You need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you

leaving it down.

1. Sunday =

Sports. It's like the full

moon. Let it be.

1. Crying is

blackmail.

1. Ask for what you

want. Let us be clear on this one – Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do

not work! Obvious hints do not

work! Just say it!

1. “Yes” and “No” are

perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a

problem only if you want help solving it. Solving problems is what

we do. Sympathy is what your

girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that

lasts for 17 months is a problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6

months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress

like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera

guys.

1. If you think

you're fat, you probably are.

Don't ask us.

1. If something we

said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we

meant the other one.

1. You can either ask

us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already

know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,

please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher

Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in

only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,

not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

We have no idea what mauve is. (Although some fruits might know.)

1. If it itches, it

will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is

wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act as if nothing's wrong. We know you are

lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a

question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to

hear.

1. Don't ask us what

we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as the

shotgun formation (football), monetary policies, or the benefits of gasoline

additives.

1. You have enough

clothes.

1. You have too many

shoes.

1. I am in shape.

ROUND is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this;

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really

don't mind that, it's like camping.

Love,

Doc

PS. I’m baaaaack. ;o) My computer is back up and running and

my project is over with (eeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaw! Pheeeew!) I

still have to load a ton of software, and find out where I put a bunch of

files, but I should be fully in the saddle by the weekend. I’ve been suffering “list” withdrawal

ROTFL.