Fwd: Diet Tips For The Flatulently Gullible

January 13, 2004

Tue, 13 Jan 2004 14:52:16 -0800 (PST)

Diet Tips For The Flatulently Gullible

By Mark Morford - morningfix

Diet Tips For The Flatulently Gullible

With Americans fattening up and fast food on the defense, McDonald's this week

began telling dieters in the New York area how much fat and carbs are in some of

its meals. New posters and brochures tell customers how to modify McDonald's

existing menu -- by leaving out the bun or cheese, for example -- to reduce

their intake of fat, carbohydrates and calories.

" We are trying to educate our customers that the foods they love at McDonald's

can fit into the diet they're on, " said regional marketing director Cristina

Vilella, actually keeping a straight face and not instantly bursting into flame

for even hinting that simply by leaving the slab of processed cheese glob off

your hormone-injected radiated chem-blasted feces-doused meat-like burger you

could actually be healthier.

Vilella said there is no immediate plan to make such information available

outside the tri-state area, mostly because even McDonald's realizes this is one

of the most inane and bitch-slappingly insulting stunts they've ever inflicted.

" Hey I know! You wanna save some fat and calories and also spare your body the

ravages of heavily processed rat-licked toxic industrial slaughterhouse

meat-esque foodstuffs that have been through so many bloody meat grinders and

chemical baths it would make Joan Rivers envious?

Make a freakin' sandwich, for christ's sake! " Vilella did not scream, suddenly,

in a big cute outburst, as if all the savage pressure of marketing such noxious

poisons to the public for so long had finally caused a karmic hemorrhage. " You

people ever hear of freakin' sprouted bread and free-range turkey and a kickass

organic salad? What the hell is wrong with you?! I'm just sayin'. "

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