Five Billion Miserable Chicken Corpses Feel Your Pain

January 5, 2004

January 5, 2004 -- By Mark Morford - morningfix

Chick-fil-A is postponing its newest ad campaign featuring cute cows urging

people to eat chicken instead of beef to avoid appearing insensitive to concerns

about the nation's first confirmed case of mad cow disease.

The company also plans to examine existing advertising, including a billboard

along Interstate 85 in Atlanta in which a cow with eyes in a vertigo swirl tries

to hypnotize motorists to eat chicken.

" It's not the intention of Chick-fil-A to make light or take advantage of any

food health crisis, " spokesman Jerry Johnston said. " We are voluntarily

withdrawing or delaying our advertising.

We don't want people to perceive that we are taking advantage of what is

happening in any way, " he muttered, pretending to give a flying rat's hamburger

patty about the " crisis " but actually mostly just a little pissed that he can't

convince more consumer drones to suck down more of his company's massively

factory farmed highly toxic chemically blasted de-beaked de-legged inhumanely

butchered reeking slaughterhouse karmically soiled chicken-like creatures.

" We shall promptly re-start our insipid little campaign as soon as the mad cow

furor dies down and happy diabetic Americans who can't see their toes return to

blissfully ignoring the rampant toxins they pump into their veins every goddamn

day, " he probably added, after seven bourbon and waters.

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