Daft science cashing in on the bleeding obvious

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http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,8122-947762,00.html

 

Health news

December 31, 2003

 

Daft science cashing in on the bleeding obvious

By Mark Henderson

People who are sick die sooner and drunk gamblers lose more, according to recent

research

PERHAPS it is time for research into why university personnel continually

attract funding for studies with blindingly obvious conclusions.

There must be an art to it. How else to explain the work of Amos Zeichner,

director of the psychology clinic at the University of Georgia, who proved that

“alcohol facilitates aggression among those who express anger outwardly”.

NI_MPU('middle');There was something similarly predictable about Sherry H.

Stewart’s research at Dalhousie University in Canada, which confirmed that

gamblers lose more when drunk. It took Merete Nordentoft and Nina Wandall-Holm,

from the department of psychiatry at Bispebjerg Hospital in Copenhagen, ten

years to establish that homelessness cuts life expectancy.

And in next month’s British Medical Journal you could find elaborate proof, from

Professor Mika Kivimaki, of the Finnish Institute of Occupational Health, that

sickness records can predict employee deaths. Yes, people who get sick die

sooner.

Barbara J. Rolls tackled a weighty problem for the American Journal of Clinical

Nutrition and found that big portions might contribute to obesity. Dr Emily

Lovegrove, of the Centre for Appearance Research at the University of the West

of England, finds that adolescents might get bullied because of the way they

look. And if they do, it can undermine their self-esteem.

We owe it to Dr Simon Moore and Christine Gaitanou, of the London Metropolitan

University, for proving that people are more likely to complain about a film’s

violence if others in the audience do the same. Herd instinct? Does it affect

scientists too? Possibly, because here come Dr Linda Gallo, of San Diego State

University, and Dr Karen Matthews, of the University of Pittsburgh, with a paper

claiming marriage benefits women’s health — but only if it is a happy marriage.

Professor John Trinkaus, of the Zicklin School of Business, studied children

visiting Santa Claus and found that only 1 per cent smiled or showed any sign of

happiness. On the other hand, nearly all the parents were quite happy and

excited.

Professor Trinkaus is good at Christmas specials. An earlier study of snow on

motor vehicle roofs found that after a snowstorm almost two thirds of

non-commercial vehicles had roofs not cleared of snow, with vans outnumbering

cars two to one.

But if all this scientific research falls flat, it cannot outdo Mark Fonstad and

William Pugatch, of Texas State University, and Brandon Vogt, of Arizona State

University, who demonstrated that Kansas is flatter than a pancake. If a

mathematical value of one indicated perfect flatness, they calculated, “after

many hours of programming work”, that Kansas’s flatness approximated to 0.9997.

Pretty damn flat.

 

Shovelling snow, running for a bus or any strenuous exercise that is not done

regularly can put people at a serious risk of heart attack. Researchers from the

University of Essex said that infrequent, high-intensity exercise resulted in a

person’s heart rate remaining higher for longer, extending the time when

problems could occur.

TOP TEN SILLY STUDIES

 

1: Alcohol facilitates aggression among those who express anger outwardly; Amos

Zeichner, University of Georgia, Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research

 

 

2: Employees who take long spells of sick leave have a higher risk of death than

those who do not; Professor Mika Kivimaki, Finnish Institute of Occupational

Health, British Medical Journal

 

3: Homeless people are four times more likely to die early than others; Merete

Nordentoft, Bispebjerg Hospital, Copenhagen, BMJ

 

4: Gamblers are less successful when they are drunk; Sherry Stewart, Dalhousie

University, Canada, Alcoholism: Clinical & Experimental Research

 

5: Portion size affects the amount of food eaten at a single meal; Barbara

Rolls, Pennsylvania State University, American Journal of Clinical Nutrition

 

6: Children are bullied because of their appearance; Emily Lovegrove, University

of the West of England, British Psychological Society conference

 

7: People object more to violent films when someone else does; Simon Moore and

Christine Gaitanou, London Metropolitan University, BPS conference

 

8: Marriage improves women’s health, but only when it’s a happy one; Linda

Gallo, San Diego State University, Health Psychology

 

9: Children no longer smile at Santa; John Trinkaus, Zicklin Business School,

Annals of Improbable Research

 

10: Kansas is flatter than a pancake; Mark Fonstad, William Pugatch and Brandon

Vogt

 

 

 

 

 

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