The last part of my story

[Guest guest]

(This little essay was written for posting on several " conventional "

bipolar/depression forums, so it will seem like preaching to the

choir in this one. Please keep this in mind as you read...it was

tailored for people who are so indoctrinated by the medical community

that they are very resistant to any new thinking. This is my personal

story. Thanks for reading, and your comments. The information I've

gathered from my short time in this group has added further

improvements to my " program " , and I thank you all for that. As Bucky

Fuller said " you can never learn less, only more " .

Dan)

 

Don't worry, I'm not going to relate every gory detail for the

following year.

My overall physical and mental health continued to improve, week by

week. I have strong mania in the fall, followed by deep depression in

the winter. My birthday is in November, right around the peak. I can

look back over decades of birthdays, and use them as a crude gauge of

mental health. I enjoyed birthday cake in the hospital twice and jail

once. I spent it recovering from being beat up in a bus station and

nursing a broken wrist from a drunken fall off a ladder. I changed

jobs four times, got fired twice, left two relationships, and formed

two others, made a major geographical move that was a bad idea, had

two accidents, got 3 driving while intoxicated citations, spent money

I didn't have and made wild investments. All within 2 weeks of my

birthdays. I never liked my birthday much.

Last year, on my birthday, I was fine. No recent trauma of any kind,

no wild itch to chase women, no urge to sooth the beast with booze.

There was no beast.

Oh...I wasn`t " great " . I was much better, but not " great " . One thing

so hard about bipolar is the way it changes your abilities. At times,

especially I was younger, I used my mania to great advantage, and had

tremendous periods of creativity, energy, and just sheer competence.

The ability of a bipolar to see associations and connections that

others miss is an astounding quality. At times. When you know how

well you have done in the past, you have something very real to

compare your current state with. It's like being able to play the

guitar like Clapton...sometimes. The rest of the time you

spend " searching for the lost chord " . You had it, and you lost it and

you hope you will get it back.

I really worked hard on my thinking. You are what you keep telling

yourself you are, and I felt guilty, shameful and worthless. I'm

getting better with this. I worked on knowing when I was " really "

angry over something, or was just irritable, and looking for things

to be angry about.

I found that vitamin B3 in the form " niacinamide " did wonders for

irritability. I'd sense that almost physical feeling that comes with

anger, find myself looking at things with an angry attitude...and

take one 500mg Niacinamide capsule, and within 30 minutes, felt ok.

It even improved my sense of humor. No kidding.

It's hard to say how much better I might have felt had the rest of my

life been better. My Father was dx'd with cancer, and after 10

miserable months, died last March. In April, I had a week of spring

mania, followed by a week of depression.

I tried a " super Omega-3 " and boosted my dosage, and was anxious and

irritable as a result. I went back to the regular fish oil, and was

ok again. I boosted the amount of fish oil, too, and found more

improvement.

Continual depression has been my good buddy for about 10 years,

interrupted by shorter periods of mania. When you live with it that

long, you learn how to simply endure it. I suppose it's like chronic

pain...when you have no choice, you learn to just live with it, the

best you can. I started having periods where I wasn't depressed at

all, and the general depression wasn't as deep.

I wasn't satisfied yet. I was a whole lot better than I'd ever been

on the Depakote and Paxil, which is more an indicator of how awful I

felt on those drugs, but I wanted more.

Whatever I considered had to make some sort of fundamental sense to

me. What I had done so far was look at what drugs were being given

for bipolar, and find a safer, natural way to duplicate whatever

action they had. The literature on lithium and Depakote implicated

GABA production, and other actions that were not as clearly defined,

so this was harder. I decided to look hard at Lithium, because at

least it is in our natural diet, and everyone needs lithium in trace

amounts. But to get the " therapeutic " dose of lithium needed, near

toxic levels have to be reached in the blood; to get the little the

brain needs across the blood-brain barrier. I talked with several

people who had taken it long term, and they reported, yes...they had

thirst, frequent urination, tremors and an overall dulling. One

friend got a kidney infection, unrelated to the lithium, but because

his kidneys were not working right, the lithium built up and he went

catatonic, and almost died.

I know it's been used for a long time, and works very well for many

people. But it has its dangers, and anyone taking it should know

them. For myself, I really didn't want to take something with such

potential to harm. The side effects seem to be due to the high

concentration of lithium in the body, and few seem associated with

the amount that eventually gets to the brain.

The " Health Recovery Center " of Minneapolis, directed by Dr. Joan

Mathews-Larson, had a type of lithium listed in the " bipolar

treatment for people without prescribed lithium " in her book. It was

called " Lithinase " , and is a vegetable derived form. I tried it for

about 6 weeks, and didn't notice any effect. Maybe my dose was too

low, or maybe it was just because of that point in my cycle, or maybe

it just didn't work...hard to say.

I tried to get more exercise, and I felt better for it. A funny thing

about exercise that I noticed after going without it for a while. I'd

start with a good walk, and feel better...but in a day or two, I'd

feel almost like I had the flu! I did some more research, and like a

good bipolar, tied a few random ideas together. We have 45 pints of

lymph fluid in our bodies, which is a huge part of our immune

and " waste disposal " systems. All our cells obtain their oxygen and

nutrients from lymph fluid. The blood system carries it to the

capillaries, and it's transferred from there to the cells by lymph.

(Wasn't that little factoid worth reading this far?) We have a heart

to pump the blood...but what pumps all this lymph fluid? Muscles! The

lymph system has as many " veins " as the blood system, full of one-way

valves. When muscle action squeezes them, it pushes the fluid in one

direction. It's been said that if you take a junkie, and put him on a

trampoline for 20 minutes, the release of all those years of toxic

build-up will kill him. So I'm speculating that the sick feeling I'd

get when I exercised after a period of idleness was the sudden

release of waste stored up around my body. Just a guess, ok? But I

now make a point of getting at least 2 minutes of exercise every day.

Of course more is better, but I at least spend a few minutes doing

the old " isometric " exercises, where you basically clench up your

muscles. You can do it during commercials. It helps me to think of

pumping that lymph.

Last summer, I got an email for a product called " Serenity " . I

checked it out. It's " lithium Orotate " , an interesting substance that

a kind of " eccentric genius " doctor named Hans Neiper, of Germany

came up with. He was looking at ways to use mineral transporters to

send things to specific cells in the body. He worked a lot with

cancer patients, and had a variety of these " orotates " that he would

use in his treatments. The " Serenity " product was pretty expensive,

so I looked for Lithium Orotate by name, and found it for a lot less.

I ordered a couple bottles, and started taking it. At the end of the

first week, I was convinced I was on to something. By the end of two

weeks, I looked back on the longest string of " good days " I could

remember in years. I went to my new pdoc, and told her about my

whole " program " . She encouraged me to take some drugs she liked. I

declined. A month later, I saw her again. That time, she listened a

little more, but still suggested drugs. I don't know why, really....

I told her I was feeling better than I had for years. My next

appointment was scheduled for the dreaded November period where

tradition had me losing it. That was last week. I had a fistful of

information for her on the Orotate product, and reported to her that

I was feeling very good. She didn't suggest drugs that time. She

said " I don't know what I can do for you " , to which I replied " I

don't think there is anything you need to do for me " . My mind is

clear, focused and calm. There is no thirst, tremors, and excessive

urination. No detectable side effects so far. The amount lithium that

I take is about 1/20th the amount I would take if it were

prescription lithium carbonate. I have since gone back to the " Health

Recovery Center " and I see that they are now also recommending

Lithium Orotate. The side effects of my program have been a healthier

immune system, and the loss of over 25 pounds. My cholesterol is

great, and my blood pressure is down.

I can live with this.

 

Will this last? Is this just a lull in the disaster? With bipolar,

only time will tell. There is a chance that I'm just in one of the

long cycle remissions that bipolars have sometimes have, but I really

don't think so.

If I had this experiment to do over, I'd approach it the same way,

but would take more fish oil and add the lithium Orotate sooner. I am

still looking at the amount of Omega-3 that is best. There seems

no " down side " to taking a lot of it, and in high enough doses may

eliminate the need for the lithium, as the Omega appears to have the

same cellular effect on the brain.

I am not ignoring the value of good therapy, exercise, stress

reduction, a support structure or any of the other helpful methods of

dealing with mental disorders. All were part of my success, but I

firmly believe that the foundation of it was this:

1. I reduced my sugar consumption.

2. I eliminated " partially hydrogenated fats " .

3. I added Omega-3 essential fatty acids, Vitamin C, a good B

Complex, a good multivitamin and multimineral.

5. I treated specific symptoms that remained with amino acids and

additional vitamins.

6. I added lithium Orotate.

 

Thanks,

Dan

 

" I learned this, at least, by my experiment;

that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams,

and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined,

he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. "

Thoreau