HMO Humor

[Guest guest]

HMO's are Health Maintenance Organizations, which used to be the rage

in the US (mostly the excitement was coming from insurance companies,

not most docs, and not patients!):

 

How HMO's Work

 

Q. What does HMO stand for?

A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, " HEY MOE. " Its roots go

back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who

discovered that the patient could be made to forget about the pain in

his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.

 

Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the

doctor want?

 

A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your

insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the

plan. These doctor basically fall into two categories -- those who

are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but

are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry; the

remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients

has an office just a half-day's drive away, and a diploma from a

Third World country.

 

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?

A. No. Only those you need.

 

 

Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?

A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

 

 

Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?

A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

 

 

Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name

brand. I tried the Generic medication, but it gave me a stomach

ache. What should I do?

A. Poke yourself in the eye.

 

 

Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?

A. You really shouldn't do that.

 

 

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can

handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart

transplant right in his office?

A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $20 co-

payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

 

 

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?

A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by

then.