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NOW THEY KNOW HOW YOU FEEL

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/6739380.htm

Humorous columnist Dave Barry is driving telemarketers nuts with

his recent column that published the toll-free number for their

lobby group, the American Teleservices Association. Barry

encouraged readers to call the ATA " to tell them what you think "

about telemarketers. Thousands of readers took Barry up on his

suggestion, and 10 days later, they're still calling. " " I feel just

terrible, especially if they were eating or anything, " Barry says.

 

SOURCE: Miami Herald, September 10, 2003

More web links related to this story are available at:

http://www.prwatch.org/spin/September_2003.html#1063166402

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http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/news/6739380.htm

 

Posted on Wed, Sep. 10, 2003Dave Barry column unleashes flood of calls on

telemarketing group

BY CHRISTINA HOAG

choag

 

 

Herald columnist Dave Barry is famed for his humorous views on life's foibles,

but unfortunately for the American Teleservices Association, readers did not

take his Aug. 31 piece as a joke.

 

Encouraging readers to call the ATA ''to tell them what you think'' about the

group's telemarketer members, Barry included the organization's toll-free phone

number in his column titled Ask not what telemarketers can do to you .

 

Readers of the column, published weekly in about 500 newspapers across the

country, took Barry up on his suggestion. They called. And called. And 10 days

later, they're still calling.

 

''It's in the few thousand,'' said Tim Searcy, executive director of the ATA,

who was straining to take the matter lightly. ``It's difficult not to see some

malice in Mr. Barry's intent.''

 

After the first flood of calls, the organization switched from answering the

phone in person to a recording that asks the caller to leave a message due to

''overwhelming positive response to recent media'' and states that the ATA

cannot assist with signing up people to the government's Do Not Call registry.

 

The ATA has filed legal challenges to the Do Not Call list, which now has more

than 40 million phone numbers of people who want to avoid telemarketers' sales

pitches. The ATA argues that the list violates telemarketers' First Amendment

rights.

 

Barry was unrepentant. ''I feel just terrible, especially if they were eating or

anything,'' the Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist and author said Wednesday.

``They have phones like the rest of us have phones. Their attitude seems to be

if you have a phone, people are allowed to call you.''

 

Searcy said the association has received all types of calls, even some in

support of the ATA's efforts.

 

''We've had a lot of prank calls, people leaving funny messages, singing songs,

playing the kazoo, being condescending, profane and people trying to get on the

Do Not Call list,'' he said.

 

Searcy said Barry's prank will be costly because the association must pay for

the toll-free calls and for the staff member who spends hours sorting through

the recorded messages.

 

Although Searcy described the calls as ''a small blip of a nuisance,'' he

maintained the ATA's official position: People have a right to make their calls.

 

 

 

 

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/columnists/dave_barry/6649728.htm

 

Posted on Sun, Aug. 31, 2003Ask not what telemarketers can do to you

DAVE BARRY

 

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There's just over a year to go before the 2004 presidential election, and

everybody in the nation is extremely excited. Except of course the public. The

public, shrewdly, pays no attention to presidential politics until all of the

peripheral dorks have been weeded out, and it's finally time to make a selection

between the two main dorks left over.

 

So what does the public care about right now? Telemarketers. The public hates

them. It hates them even more than it hates France, low-flow toilets or

''customer service.''

 

We know this because recently the Federal Trade Commission, implementing the

most popular federal concept since the Elvis stamp, created the National Do Not

Call Registry. The way it works is, if you are a member of that select group of

people (defined as ''people with phones'') who do not wish to receive

unsolicited calls from telemarketers, you can go to www.donotcall.gov and

register your phone number. Starting Oct. 1, any telemarketer who calls you will

be locked in a tiny room with a large, insatiable man who will force the

telemarketer, repeatedly, at all hours of the day and night, to change his

long-distance provider.

 

No, sorry, that was the original concept. But the law is pretty strict: For each

call to a registered number, telemarketers face an $11,000 fine. This program is

a huge hit with the public. Already 30 million American households have

registered; this figure would be even higher if it included all the Florida

residents who tried to register but accidentally voted for Patrick Buchanan

instead.

 

And how has the telemarketing industry responded to this tidal wave of public

hostility? It has issued this statement: ''Gosh, if these people really don't

want us to call them, then there's no point in our calling them! We'd only be

making them hate us more, and that's just plain stupid! We'll try to come up

with a less offensive way to do business.''

 

No, wait, that's what the telemarketers would say in Bizarro World, where

everything is backward, and Superman is bad, and telemarketers contain human

DNA. Here on Earth, the telemarketers are claiming they have a constitutional

right to call people who do not want to be called. They base this claim on

Article VX, Section iii, row 5, seat 2, of the U.S. Constitution, which states:

''If anybody ever invents the telephone, Congress shall pass no law prohibiting

salespeople from using it to interrupt dinner.''

 

Leading the charge for the telemarketing industry is the American Teleservices

Association (suggested motto: 'Some Day, We Will Get a Dictionary and Look Up

'Services' ''). This group argues that, if its members are prohibited from

calling people who do not want to be called, then two million telemarketers will

lose their jobs. Of course, you could use pretty much the same reasoning to

argue that laws against mugging cause unemployment among muggers. But that would

be unfair. Muggers rarely intrude into your home.

 

So what's the answer? Is there a constitutional way that we telephone customers

can have our peace, without inconveniencing the people whose livelihoods depend

on keeping their legal right to inconvenience us? Maybe we could pay the

telemarketing industry not to call us, kind of like paying ''protection money''

to organized crime. Or maybe we could actually hire organized crime to explain

our position to telemarketing-industry executives, who would then be given a

fair opportunity to respond, while the cement was hardening.

 

I'm just thinking out loud here. I'm sure you have a better idea for how we can

resolve our differences with the telemarketing industry. If you do, call me. No,

wait, I have a better idea: Call the American Teleservices Association,

toll-free, at 1-877-779-3974, and tell them what you think. I'm sure they'd love

to hear your constitutionally protected views! Be sure to wipe your mouthpiece

afterward.

 

In closing, here's an:

 

IMPORTANT REMINDER -- Mark your calendar with a big ''X'' on Sept. 19, which is

the second annual National Talk Like A Pirate Day. This is the day when

everybody is supposed to talk like a pirate for very solid reasons (see

www.talklikeapirate.com).

 

Last year, the first National Talk Like a Pirate Day was a huge success, as

measured by the number of messages on my answering machine consisting entirely

of people going ''Arrrrr.'' So if you're feeling depressed -- if you think the

world is in terrible shape, and one person like yourself can't make a difference

-- remember this: You're right. So you might as well talk like a pirate. It's

easy! For example, when you answer the phone, instead of ''Hello,'' you say

''Ahoy!''

 

Then you hang up. Scurvy telemarrrrrketers!

 

 

 

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