The 7 C's of Happiness

February 17, 2005

The 7 C's of Happiness by Lloyd J. Thomas

Our American Declaration of Independence asserts that each one of us has the right to pursue happiness. It does not tell us how to pursue it. The Dalai Lama writes, "I believe that the very purpose of our life is to seek happiness...the very motion of our life is towards happiness." He does not tell us how to move so that we fulfill that life-purpose of happiness.

Perhaps all of your New Year's resolutions were aimed at seeking something better in your life. All of us are seeking more happiness. Regardless of age, ethnicity, religion or background, all of us experience problems that naturally arise in our daily lives. All of us will confront illness, old age and death. All of us will either overcome the daily difficulties that are bound to occur, or we will be overwhelmed by them, shrivel up and die. Trying to avoid them by simply not thinking about them may provide us with some temporary relief, but there are better methods for seeking and developing inner happiness.

What are the critical ingredients for experiencing genuine happiness? Here are seven elements of life that I believe are essential to the attainment of human happiness. I call them the "7 C's in the pursuit of happiness." One is not more important than any of the others.

Compassion. In order to evolve into a state of happiness, you must develop your in-born ability to care about life, to value life in all its forms, to engage in loving, kind actions, to cultivate an attitude of what Nobel laureate, Dr. Albert Schweitzer called "reverence for life," (including your own).

Contentment. Inner calm. Peace of mind and heart does not mean acceptance of everything that happens. It does mean letting go of fear. When you live life fearlessly, you experience a kind of peace that permeates every cell of your body, every thought of your mind, every emotion of your heart, every element of your spirit.

Connection. Without effectively connecting to other humans, you become less than human yourself. Connection means involving yourself in relationship to everyone around you, connecting to your own inner life, and becoming aware of the environment in which you live. Learn to create high-quality relationships, and your happiness is almost guaranteed.

Communication. Communication is our primary method for connection. It increases your knowledge, your understanding, and your awareness. Language is precious. Words are the building blocks of all happiness.

Commitment. Oprah Winfrey says that what motivates her to get up in the morning is "my commitment to my life and fulfilling my life purpose." If one of your life's purposes is to enhance your happiness, committing your life to the service of others brings more happiness than you can imagine. Happiness requires you commit yourself to something larger than yourself.

Consciousness. Most spiritual teachers believe we are living in a sleep-like or dream state. In order to be happy, one must increase one's awareness of life. And the single awareness that is most conducive to happiness is: the impermanence of everything. Life is in a constant state of flux, of change, of rhythm and of evolution.

Creativity. Creating your life experience by consciously choosing your thoughts, your actions, your decisions and your attitudes will allow you to attain personal happiness regardless of external circumstances.

The pursuit of happiness is not something you search for or attain from outside your skin. Happiness develops from within. You were born to be happy. You were given life to experience happiness. Pursuing it is your right. Sail the 7 C's of happiness and the pursuit of it becomes obvious and being alive becomes the happiest of moments.

THE 7 C's OF UNHAPPINESS

We seem to have an unlimited capacity for making our lives unhappy. Despite the Declaration of Independence, most of us fail to exercise our inalienable right to pursue happiness.

I've shared with you the 7 C's of generating happiness in our lives. Now, I want to identify the 7 C's for making our lives unhappy. They are not presented in any order of importance. If practiced regularly, any one of these C's will enable you to make your life miserable.

Complaining. No one likes a complainer. Complainers don't even like themselves. Complaining, especially about things you are unwilling or unable to change, merely splashes negativity on your life-experiences. If you desire much unhappiness in the coming year, complain about everything. The antidote to complaining is appreciation.

Controlling. The only thing you can control in your life is your choices and your responses to life events. You do not have the power to control events that occur outside your skin. You are powerless to control others' behavior. Trying to control that over which you have no power merely breeds internal frustration and anger. Anger and fear are the two most damaging emotions to your happiness. If you want to double-up on your unhappiness, try complaining about your unsuccessful attempts to control others. The antidote to controlling is acceptance.

Conflicting. The most unhappy people are the one's who perceive every situation as a conflict. They rarely feel safe. They usually believe themselves to be inadequate. They often become aggressive and destructive. And the most stressful emotion you can experience is "vengefulness." And we certainly know that the higher your stress level, the more unhappy you are. The antidote to conflict is mutual cooperation.

Criticizing. People who are always judgmental and critical of life, usually include themselves in their criticism. Criticism always hurts both the critic and the target of criticism. The harsh internal critic generates guilt, shame and anxiety. It is virtually impossible to feel happy when you experience guilt, shame and anxiety most of the time. The antidotes for criticism are praise and acknowledgment.

Castigating. Webster defines castigating as: "to correct or subdue by punishing." Blaming and punishing others merely invites defensiveness, retaliation or abandonment. If you blame others, you undercut your own sense of adequacy and increase your dependency. Feelings of inadequacy and dependency do, however, increase your level of unhappiness. Besides, the Declaration of Independence does not assert that punishing others is an inalienable right. The antidote for castigating is affirmation.

Compromising. Sometimes reaching a compromise in conflict situations is the best solution. When you compromise your own values, you betray yourself. Self-betrayal always generates intense unhappiness. Never compromise what you genuinely believe in. Always believe in yourself and your ability to create joy in your life. The antidote for compromising is faithfulness.

Competing. Yes, I know the benefits that can be derived from competition. But competition with others divides your relationships into winners and losers. And you will not be able to win at everything you attempt. Eventually, competitors become unable to compete and then their lives feel very empty. The antidotes for competing are cooperation, collaboration and connection.

There they are...the 7 C's of great unhappiness. If you refine these 7 C's, you enhance your ability to make your life very miserable. And if we all strengthen our capacity for unhappiness, we most certainly will succeed at deadening the joy of being alive.

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D. has more than 30 years experience as a Life Coach and Licensed Psychologist. Dr. Thomas serves on the faculty of the Institute For Life Coach Training. In that capacity, he teaches advanced coaching teleclasses. To contact the Institute, call (970) 224-9830 or e-mail doccoach. Visit www.lifecoachtraining.com. Contact Dr. Thomas at (970) 568-0173 or e-mail DrLloyd. To to his weekly column, Practical Psychology, e-mail your request to: PracticalPsychology-On and write "" in the subject line and an "X" in the body. Copyright © 2004 Lloyd J. Thomas

"If God only gave me a clear sign; like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank"

-Woody Allen

/