LAST LAUGH

[Guest guest]

LAST LAUGH:

 

All the things my mother taught me:

 

My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -

" If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished

cleaning! "

 

My mother taught me RELIGION -

" You better pray that will come out of the carpet. "

 

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:

" If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle

of next week! "

 

My mother taught me LOGIC:

" Because I said so, that's why. "

 

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -

" Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an

accident. "

 

My mother taught me IRONY -

" Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry out. "

 

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -

" Shut your mouth and eat your supper! "

 

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -

" Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck! "

 

My mother taught me about STAMINA -

" You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished. "

 

My mother taught me about WEATHER -

" It looks as if a tornado swept through your room. "

 

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -

" If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you;

would you listen then? "

 

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -

" If I've told you once, I've told you a million times -

don't exaggerate!!! "

 

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -

" I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. "

 

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -

Stop acting like your father! "

 

My mother taught me about ENVY -

" There are millions of less fortunate children in this

world who don't have wonderful parents like you do! "