Guest guest Posted May 10, 2008 Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 Tony! You closet comedy writer, you ! Or am I the only one not knowing that you can be so funny?! This was so colorful and vivid and hilarious, I was giggling through the whole story! What else have you written on the humorous side? Tell us so we can have a few more giggles! Angel (NaturalNews) I have learned in recent years that suntan oils and lotions may contain dangerous chemicals, like so many things in life do these days. I can also tell you from experience that sometimes even natural ingredients can have unforeseen consequences. Such as the coconut oil in the sun tanning lotion I used many years ago on my first trip to Destin, Florida.Have you ever been to Destin? I love the white sand beaches, moderate climate and beautiful clear blue ocean there, although it`s a much more touristy kind of place than it was about 30 years ago when I first went there with my father, step mother, half-sister, and other family members. I remember that we checked into this one and a half star motel right on the beach, next door to a new circular tower motel which had a revolving restaurant on the top. Made my step-mother more than a little bit nauseous being in the restaurant (a highlight of the trip for me, having been treated as a true step-child at times!).Anyway, when we first checked in we noticed that there was this big wooden tub full of bottles of "Dark Tanning Oil With Genuine Coconut Oil" on sale in the lobby for something like 2 bottles for a dollar. Hmmmm-just the thing for our budget! So we splurged and bought 4 bottles and the woman at the front desk seemed so impressed that she threw two more bottles in for good measure!Soon after we unpacked, we headed to the beach with our spiffy swim suits, our relatively pale bodies glistening with ample amounts of the aforementioned tanning oil. As soon as we got near the beach, this demonic bee that appeared to be a cross between a bumblebee, a pissed off hornet and a kamikaze pilot began to attack. So we began to dodge and swat as we continued toward the water. Then another bee joined in and we dodged and swatted even more. Then another couple of bees joined in and we began to look like the Grambling Marching Band double-timing it to the beach. In only seconds, a whole swarm of bees was upon us and the rout was on.Thus began the famous Isaacs Family Forty Yard Desperation Dash to the Ocean. A couple of the family tried to dive in the water where it was still only about 6 inches deep, thus burying their heads in the sand (a family specialty) and exposing their nether regions (another family specialty). And a couple of the more fortunate or more frightened ones of us hit the water so fast that we continued running for another 15 or 20 yards on top of the water before we sank beneath the surface.Then there was my step-mother (heh, heh, heh). Yep, straight out of the chorus line of the dancing hippopotamuses in Fantasia, but with inferior choreography, a gaudier outfit, and large, pendulous breasts, thus came Priscilla Lagatha Isaacs, scattering sunbathers, small children and a few loose pets. With a high pitched squeal and appendages flying in all directions, onward she came . . . along with the main body of the swarm of bees. About 20 yards from the water, her spasms and movements somehow organized into this unholy rhythm of jiggling flesh, waving arms, waddling legs, and two enormous breasts that bounced mightily back and forth from the vicinity of her lap all the way up to her face and back. BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM!The entire crowded beach, which the rest of us now realized had been laughing mightily at our perils, became silent in momentary awe. Except for the ones who were squawking and scrambling to get out of her direct path. Even the bees seemed to back off, although I think they did so mostly from a sense of self preservation, since the mighty pendulums appeared to be exacting a toll of their own on the bees which ventured into their path.Finally, she reached the edge of the water, and, after about three more unsteady steps fell facedown with a mighty splash into the aforementioned 6 inches of water, momentarily scattering water, sand and bees. The crowd regained its voice and many applauded and cheered. Others, like myself, just laughed. The rest of our group rushed to her aid while the bees were still in disarray. With considerable effort, they turned her over and drug her into the deeper and more bee-safe water (thus starting a ritual that was later adopted by Greenpeace and others along the west coast to save large beached mammals).Once we had her in with the rest of us, in water up to our necks, we began to gather our wits and ponder what had happened. As we sputtered theories of alien visitations, abnormal sunspot activities and unusual planetary alignments, another beachgoer paddled close by on an air mattress and said, "I guess you folks bought the cheap tanning oil too. Don`t feel too bad, my folks bought some of that coconut oil crap when we first got here too. I`m not sure whether it attracts those damn bees or just thoroughly pissses them off!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 10, 2008 Report Share Posted May 10, 2008 LOL LOL LOL! Angel! You beat me to it posting this article! Is this not hilarious? Yes, Tony is even the best comedy writer ever. Tony is still out of town but should be back by midweek. I arrived late last night and right now am busy catching up. In fact, so much to do I haven't quite unpacked yet. When I catch up I will upload some pictures that I took. Hugs, oleander soup , <toreadpeoplehealthinfo wrote: > > > Tony! You closet comedy writer, you ! > > Or am I the only one not knowing that you can be so funny?! > > This was so colorful and vivid and hilarious, I was giggling through the whole story! > > What else have you written on the humorous side? Tell us so we can have a few more giggles! > > Angel > > > (NaturalNews) I have learned in recent years that suntan oils and lotions may contain dangerous chemicals, like so many things in life do these days. I can also tell you from experience that sometimes even natural ingredients can have unforeseen consequences. Such as the coconut oil in the sun tanning lotion I used many years ago on my first trip to Destin, Florida. > > Have you ever been to Destin? I love the white sand beaches, moderate climate and beautiful clear blue ocean there, although it`s a much more touristy kind of place than it was about 30 years ago when I first went there with my father, step mother, half-sister, and other family members. I remember that we checked into this one and a half star motel right on the beach, next door to a new circular tower motel which had a revolving restaurant on the top. Made my step- mother more than a little bit nauseous being in the restaurant (a highlight of the trip for me, having been treated as a true step- child at times!). > > Anyway, when we first checked in we noticed that there was this big wooden tub full of bottles of " Dark Tanning Oil With Genuine Coconut Oil " on sale in the lobby for something like 2 bottles for a dollar. Hmmmm-just the thing for our budget! So we splurged and bought 4 bottles and the woman at the front desk seemed so impressed that she threw two more bottles in for good measure! > > Soon after we unpacked, we headed to the beach with our spiffy swim suits, our relatively pale bodies glistening with ample amounts of the aforementioned tanning oil. As soon as we got near the beach, this demonic bee that appeared to be a cross between a bumblebee, a pissed off hornet and a kamikaze pilot began to attack. So we began to dodge and swat as we continued toward the water. Then another bee joined in and we dodged and swatted even more. Then another couple of bees joined in and we began to look like the Grambling Marching Band double-timing it to the beach. In only seconds, a whole swarm of bees was upon us and the rout was on. > > Thus began the famous Isaacs Family Forty Yard Desperation Dash to the Ocean. A couple of the family tried to dive in the water where it was still only about 6 inches deep, thus burying their heads in the sand (a family specialty) and exposing their nether regions (another family specialty). And a couple of the more fortunate or more frightened ones of us hit the water so fast that we continued running for another 15 or 20 yards on top of the water before we sank beneath the surface. > > Then there was my step-mother (heh, heh, heh). Yep, straight out of the chorus line of the dancing hippopotamuses in Fantasia, but with inferior choreography, a gaudier outfit, and large, pendulous breasts, thus came Priscilla Lagatha Isaacs, scattering sunbathers, small children and a few loose pets. With a high pitched squeal and appendages flying in all directions, onward she came . . . along with the main body of the swarm of bees. About 20 yards from the water, her spasms and movements somehow organized into this unholy rhythm of jiggling flesh, waving arms, waddling legs, and two enormous breasts that bounced mightily back and forth from the vicinity of her lap all the way up to her face and back. BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM! > > The entire crowded beach, which the rest of us now realized had been laughing mightily at our perils, became silent in momentary awe. Except for the ones who were squawking and scrambling to get out of her direct path. Even the bees seemed to back off, although I think they did so mostly from a sense of self preservation, since the mighty pendulums appeared to be exacting a toll of their own on the bees which ventured into their path. > > Finally, she reached the edge of the water, and, after about three more unsteady steps fell facedown with a mighty splash into the aforementioned 6 inches of water, momentarily scattering water, sand and bees. The crowd regained its voice and many applauded and cheered. Others, like myself, just laughed. The rest of our group rushed to her aid while the bees were still in disarray. With considerable effort, they turned her over and drug her into the deeper and more bee-safe water (thus starting a ritual that was later adopted by Greenpeace and others along the west coast to save large beached mammals). > > Once we had her in with the rest of us, in water up to our necks, we began to gather our wits and ponder what had happened. As we sputtered theories of alien visitations, abnormal sunspot activities and unusual planetary alignments, another beachgoer paddled close by on an air mattress and said, " I guess you folks bought the cheap tanning oil too. Don`t feel too bad, my folks bought some of that coconut oil crap when we first got here too. I`m not sure whether it attracts those damn bees or just thoroughly pissses them off! " > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2008 Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 welcome back May, we miss you girl. hugs Mary - May oleander soup Sunday, May 11, 2008 7:40 AM Re: come out of the closet! LOL LOL LOL! Angel! You beat me to it posting this article! Is this not hilarious? Yes, Tony is even the best comedy writer ever. Tony is still out of town but should be back by midweek. I arrived late last night and right now am busy catching up. In fact, so much to do I haven't quite unpacked yet.When I catch up I will upload some pictures that I took. Hugs, oleander soup , <toreadpeoplehealthinfo wrote:>> > Tony! You closet comedy writer, you ! > > Or am I the only one not knowing that you can be so funny?!> > This was so colorful and vivid and hilarious, I was giggling through the whole story!> > What else have you written on the humorous side? Tell us so we can have a few more giggles!> > Angel> > > (NaturalNews) I have learned in recent years that suntan oils and lotions may contain dangerous chemicals, like so many things in life do these days. I can also tell you from experience that sometimes even natural ingredients can have unforeseen consequences. Such as the coconut oil in the sun tanning lotion I used many years ago on my first trip to Destin, Florida.> > Have you ever been to Destin? I love the white sand beaches, moderate climate and beautiful clear blue ocean there, although it`s a much more touristy kind of place than it was about 30 years ago when I first went there with my father, step mother, half-sister, and other family members. I remember that we checked into this one and a half star motel right on the beach, next door to a new circular tower motel which had a revolving restaurant on the top. Made my step-mother more than a little bit nauseous being in the restaurant (a highlight of the trip for me, having been treated as a true step-child at times!).> > Anyway, when we first checked in we noticed that there was this big wooden tub full of bottles of "Dark Tanning Oil With Genuine Coconut Oil" on sale in the lobby for something like 2 bottles for a dollar. Hmmmm-just the thing for our budget! So we splurged and bought 4 bottles and the woman at the front desk seemed so impressed that she threw two more bottles in for good measure!> > Soon after we unpacked, we headed to the beach with our spiffy swim suits, our relatively pale bodies glistening with ample amounts of the aforementioned tanning oil. As soon as we got near the beach, this demonic bee that appeared to be a cross between a bumblebee, a pissed off hornet and a kamikaze pilot began to attack. So we began to dodge and swat as we continued toward the water. Then another bee joined in and we dodged and swatted even more. Then another couple of bees joined in and we began to look like the Grambling Marching Band double-timing it to the beach. In only seconds, a whole swarm of bees was upon us and the rout was on.> > Thus began the famous Isaacs Family Forty Yard Desperation Dash to the Ocean. A couple of the family tried to dive in the water where it was still only about 6 inches deep, thus burying their heads in the sand (a family specialty) and exposing their nether regions (another family specialty). And a couple of the more fortunate or more frightened ones of us hit the water so fast that we continued running for another 15 or 20 yards on top of the water before we sank beneath the surface.> > Then there was my step-mother (heh, heh, heh). Yep, straight out of the chorus line of the dancing hippopotamuses in Fantasia, but with inferior choreography, a gaudier outfit, and large, pendulous breasts, thus came Priscilla Lagatha Isaacs, scattering sunbathers, small children and a few loose pets. With a high pitched squeal and appendages flying in all directions, onward she came . . . along with the main body of the swarm of bees. About 20 yards from the water, her spasms and movements somehow organized into this unholy rhythm of jiggling flesh, waving arms, waddling legs, and two enormous breasts that bounced mightily back and forth from the vicinity of her lap all the way up to her face and back. BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM!> > The entire crowded beach, which the rest of us now realized had been laughing mightily at our perils, became silent in momentary awe. Except for the ones who were squawking and scrambling to get out of her direct path. Even the bees seemed to back off, although I think they did so mostly from a sense of self preservation, since the mighty pendulums appeared to be exacting a toll of their own on the bees which ventured into their path.> > Finally, she reached the edge of the water, and, after about three more unsteady steps fell facedown with a mighty splash into the aforementioned 6 inches of water, momentarily scattering water, sand and bees. The crowd regained its voice and many applauded and cheered. Others, like myself, just laughed. The rest of our group rushed to her aid while the bees were still in disarray. With considerable effort, they turned her over and drug her into the deeper and more bee-safe water (thus starting a ritual that was later adopted by Greenpeace and others along the west coast to save large beached mammals).> > Once we had her in with the rest of us, in water up to our necks, we began to gather our wits and ponder what had happened. As we sputtered theories of alien visitations, abnormal sunspot activities and unusual planetary alignments, another beachgoer paddled close by on an air mattress and said, "I guess you folks bought the cheap tanning oil too. Don`t feel too bad, my folks bought some of that coconut oil crap when we first got here too. I`m not sure whether it attracts those damn bees or just thoroughly pissses them off!"> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2008 Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 Thank you Maria! I missed you too! Muah! oleander soup , " Maria Stathopoulos " <mary1kon wrote: > > welcome back May, we miss you girl. > hugs Mary > - > May > oleander soup > Sunday, May 11, 2008 7:40 AM > Re: come out of the closet! > > > LOL LOL LOL! Angel! You beat me to it posting this article! Is > this not hilarious? Yes, Tony is even the best comedy writer ever. > Tony is still out of town but should be back by midweek. I arrived > late last night and right now am busy catching up. In fact, so much > to do I haven't quite unpacked yet. > > When I catch up I will upload some pictures that I took. > > Hugs, > > > oleander soup , <toreadpeoplehealthinfo@> > wrote: > > > > > > Tony! You closet comedy writer, you ! > > > > Or am I the only one not knowing that you can be so funny?! > > > > This was so colorful and vivid and hilarious, I was giggling > through the whole story! > > > > What else have you written on the humorous side? Tell us so we can > have a few more giggles! > > > > Angel > > > > > > (NaturalNews) I have learned in recent years that suntan oils and > lotions may contain dangerous chemicals, like so many things in life > do these days. I can also tell you from experience that sometimes > even natural ingredients can have unforeseen consequences. Such as > the coconut oil in the sun tanning lotion I used many years ago on my > first trip to Destin, Florida. > > > > Have you ever been to Destin? I love the white sand beaches, > moderate climate and beautiful clear blue ocean there, although it`s > a much more touristy kind of place than it was about 30 years ago > when I first went there with my father, step mother, half-sister, and > other family members. I remember that we checked into this one and a > half star motel right on the beach, next door to a new circular tower > motel which had a revolving restaurant on the top. Made my step- > mother more than a little bit nauseous being in the restaurant (a > highlight of the trip for me, having been treated as a true step- > child at times!). > > > > Anyway, when we first checked in we noticed that there was this big > wooden tub full of bottles of " Dark Tanning Oil With Genuine Coconut > Oil " on sale in the lobby for something like 2 bottles for a dollar. > Hmmmm-just the thing for our budget! So we splurged and bought 4 > bottles and the woman at the front desk seemed so impressed that she > threw two more bottles in for good measure! > > > > Soon after we unpacked, we headed to the beach with our spiffy swim > suits, our relatively pale bodies glistening with ample amounts of > the aforementioned tanning oil. As soon as we got near the beach, > this demonic bee that appeared to be a cross between a bumblebee, a > pissed off hornet and a kamikaze pilot began to attack. So we began > to dodge and swat as we continued toward the water. Then another bee > joined in and we dodged and swatted even more. Then another couple of > bees joined in and we began to look like the Grambling Marching Band > double-timing it to the beach. In only seconds, a whole swarm of bees > was upon us and the rout was on. > > > > Thus began the famous Isaacs Family Forty Yard Desperation Dash to > the Ocean. A couple of the family tried to dive in the water where it > was still only about 6 inches deep, thus burying their heads in the > sand (a family specialty) and exposing their nether regions (another > family specialty). And a couple of the more fortunate or more > frightened ones of us hit the water so fast that we continued running > for another 15 or 20 yards on top of the water before we sank beneath > the surface. > > > > Then there was my step-mother (heh, heh, heh). Yep, straight out of > the chorus line of the dancing hippopotamuses in Fantasia, but with > inferior choreography, a gaudier outfit, and large, pendulous > breasts, thus came Priscilla Lagatha Isaacs, scattering sunbathers, > small children and a few loose pets. With a high pitched squeal and > appendages flying in all directions, onward she came . . . along with > the main body of the swarm of bees. About 20 yards from the water, > her spasms and movements somehow organized into this unholy rhythm of > jiggling flesh, waving arms, waddling legs, and two enormous breasts > that bounced mightily back and forth from the vicinity of her lap all > the way up to her face and back. BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM! > > > > The entire crowded beach, which the rest of us now realized had > been laughing mightily at our perils, became silent in momentary awe. > Except for the ones who were squawking and scrambling to get out of > her direct path. Even the bees seemed to back off, although I think > they did so mostly from a sense of self preservation, since the > mighty pendulums appeared to be exacting a toll of their own on the > bees which ventured into their path. > > > > Finally, she reached the edge of the water, and, after about three > more unsteady steps fell facedown with a mighty splash into the > aforementioned 6 inches of water, momentarily scattering water, sand > and bees. The crowd regained its voice and many applauded and > cheered. Others, like myself, just laughed. The rest of our group > rushed to her aid while the bees were still in disarray. With > considerable effort, they turned her over and drug her into the > deeper and more bee-safe water (thus starting a ritual that was later > adopted by Greenpeace and others along the west coast to save large > beached mammals). > > > > Once we had her in with the rest of us, in water up to our necks, > we began to gather our wits and ponder what had happened. As we > sputtered theories of alien visitations, abnormal sunspot activities > and unusual planetary alignments, another beachgoer paddled close by > on an air mattress and said, " I guess you folks bought the cheap > tanning oil too. Don`t feel too bad, my folks bought some of that > coconut oil crap when we first got here too. I`m not sure whether it > attracts those damn bees or just thoroughly pissses them off! " > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2008 Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 Great Mother Day Story if your not a steppie! haha Happy Mother's Day Ladies (yes Step Mother's too : * ) May <luellamay129 wrote: Thank you Maria! I missed you too!Muah!oleander soup , "Maria Stathopoulos" <mary1kon wrote:>> welcome back May, we miss you girl.> hugs Mary> - > May > oleander soup > Sunday, May 11, 2008 7:40 AM> Re: come out of the closet!> > > LOL LOL LOL! Angel! You beat me to it posting this article! Is > this not hilarious? Yes, Tony is even the best comedy writer ever. > Tony is still out of town but should be back by midweek. I arrived > late last night and right now am busy catching up. In fact, so much > to do I haven't quite unpacked yet.> > When I catch up I will upload some pictures that I took. > > Hugs,> > > oleander soup , <toreadpeoplehealthinfo@> > wrote:> >> > > > Tony! You closet comedy writer, you ! > > > > Or am I the only one not knowing that you can be so funny?!> > > > This was so colorful and vivid and hilarious, I was giggling > through the whole story!> > > > What else have you written on the humorous side? Tell us so we can > have a few more giggles!> > > > Angel> > > > > > (NaturalNews) I have learned in recent years that suntan oils and > lotions may contain dangerous chemicals, like so many things in life > do these days. I can also tell you from experience that sometimes > even natural ingredients can have unforeseen consequences. Such as > the coconut oil in the sun tanning lotion I used many years ago on my > first trip to Destin, Florida.> > > > Have you ever been to Destin? I love the white sand beaches, > moderate climate and beautiful clear blue ocean there, although it`s > a much more touristy kind of place than it was about 30 years ago > when I first went there with my father, step mother, half-sister, and > other family members. I remember that we checked into this one and a > half star motel right on the beach, next door to a new circular tower > motel which had a revolving restaurant on the top. Made my step-> mother more than a little bit nauseous being in the restaurant (a > highlight of the trip for me, having been treated as a true step-> child at times!).> > > > Anyway, when we first checked in we noticed that there was this big > wooden tub full of bottles of "Dark Tanning Oil With Genuine Coconut > Oil" on sale in the lobby for something like 2 bottles for a dollar. > Hmmmm-just the thing for our budget! So we splurged and bought 4 > bottles and the woman at the front desk seemed so impressed that she > threw two more bottles in for good measure!> > > > Soon after we unpacked, we headed to the beach with our spiffy swim > suits, our relatively pale bodies glistening with ample amounts of > the aforementioned tanning oil. As soon as we got near the beach, > this demonic bee that appeared to be a cross between a bumblebee, a > pissed off hornet and a kamikaze pilot began to attack. So we began > to dodge and swat as we continued toward the water. Then another bee > joined in and we dodged and swatted even more. Then another couple of > bees joined in and we began to look like the Grambling Marching Band > double-timing it to the beach. In only seconds, a whole swarm of bees > was upon us and the rout was on.> > > > Thus began the famous Isaacs Family Forty Yard Desperation Dash to > the Ocean. A couple of the family tried to dive in the water where it > was still only about 6 inches deep, thus burying their heads in the > sand (a family specialty) and exposing their nether regions (another > family specialty). And a couple of the more fortunate or more > frightened ones of us hit the water so fast that we continued running > for another 15 or 20 yards on top of the water before we sank beneath > the surface.> > > > Then there was my step-mother (heh, heh, heh). Yep, straight out of > the chorus line of the dancing hippopotamuses in Fantasia, but with > inferior choreography, a gaudier outfit, and large, pendulous > breasts, thus came Priscilla Lagatha Isaacs, scattering sunbathers, > small children and a few loose pets. With a high pitched squeal and > appendages flying in all directions, onward she came . . . along with > the main body of the swarm of bees. About 20 yards from the water, > her spasms and movements somehow organized into this unholy rhythm of > jiggling flesh, waving arms, waddling legs, and two enormous breasts > that bounced mightily back and forth from the vicinity of her lap all > the way up to her face and back. BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM!> > > > The entire crowded beach, which the rest of us now realized had > been laughing mightily at our perils, became silent in momentary awe. > Except for the ones who were squawking and scrambling to get out of > her direct path. Even the bees seemed to back off, although I think > they did so mostly from a sense of self preservation, since the > mighty pendulums appeared to be exacting a toll of their own on the > bees which ventured into their path.> > > > Finally, she reached the edge of the water, and, after about three > more unsteady steps fell facedown with a mighty splash into the > aforementioned 6 inches of water, momentarily scattering water, sand > and bees. The crowd regained its voice and many applauded and > cheered. Others, like myself, just laughed. The rest of our group > rushed to her aid while the bees were still in disarray. With > considerable effort, they turned her over and drug her into the > deeper and more bee-safe water (thus starting a ritual that was later > adopted by Greenpeace and others along the west coast to save large > beached mammals).> > > > Once we had her in with the rest of us, in water up to our necks, > we began to gather our wits and ponder what had happened. As we > sputtered theories of alien visitations, abnormal sunspot activities > and unusual planetary alignments, another beachgoer paddled close by > on an air mattress and said, "I guess you folks bought the cheap > tanning oil too. Don`t feel too bad, my folks bought some of that > coconut oil crap when we first got here too. I`m not sure whether it > attracts those damn bees or just thoroughly pissses them off!"> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 11, 2008 Report Share Posted May 11, 2008 LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!!!!!! I hsdn't thought of it that way! This is perfect timing! Happy Mother's Day to all! Hugs, oleander soup , Tracy Rodriguez <tracyrod wrote: > > Great Mother Day Story if your not a steppie! haha Happy Mother's Day Ladies (yes Step Mother's too : * ) > > May <luellamay129 wrote: Thank you Maria! I missed you too! > > Muah! > > > oleander soup , " Maria Stathopoulos " > <mary1kon@> wrote: > > > > welcome back May, we miss you girl. > > hugs Mary > > - > > May > > oleander soup > > Sunday, May 11, 2008 7:40 AM > > Re: come out of the closet! > > > > > > LOL LOL LOL! Angel! You beat me to it posting this article! Is > > this not hilarious? Yes, Tony is even the best comedy writer > ever. > > Tony is still out of town but should be back by midweek. I > arrived > > late last night and right now am busy catching up. In fact, so > much > > to do I haven't quite unpacked yet. > > > > When I catch up I will upload some pictures that I took. > > > > Hugs, > > > > > > oleander soup , <toreadpeoplehealthinfo@> > > wrote: > > > > > > > > > Tony! You closet comedy writer, you ! > > > > > > Or am I the only one not knowing that you can be so funny?! > > > > > > This was so colorful and vivid and hilarious, I was giggling > > through the whole story! > > > > > > What else have you written on the humorous side? Tell us so we > can > > have a few more giggles! > > > > > > Angel > > > > > > > > > (NaturalNews) I have learned in recent years that suntan oils > and > > lotions may contain dangerous chemicals, like so many things in > life > > do these days. I can also tell you from experience that sometimes > > even natural ingredients can have unforeseen consequences. Such > as > > the coconut oil in the sun tanning lotion I used many years ago > on my > > first trip to Destin, Florida. > > > > > > Have you ever been to Destin? I love the white sand beaches, > > moderate climate and beautiful clear blue ocean there, although > it`s > > a much more touristy kind of place than it was about 30 years ago > > when I first went there with my father, step mother, half-sister, > and > > other family members. I remember that we checked into this one > and a > > half star motel right on the beach, next door to a new circular > tower > > motel which had a revolving restaurant on the top. Made my step- > > mother more than a little bit nauseous being in the restaurant (a > > highlight of the trip for me, having been treated as a true step- > > child at times!). > > > > > > Anyway, when we first checked in we noticed that there was this > big > > wooden tub full of bottles of " Dark Tanning Oil With Genuine > Coconut > > Oil " on sale in the lobby for something like 2 bottles for a > dollar. > > Hmmmm-just the thing for our budget! So we splurged and bought 4 > > bottles and the woman at the front desk seemed so impressed that > she > > threw two more bottles in for good measure! > > > > > > Soon after we unpacked, we headed to the beach with our spiffy > swim > > suits, our relatively pale bodies glistening with ample amounts > of > > the aforementioned tanning oil. As soon as we got near the beach, > > this demonic bee that appeared to be a cross between a bumblebee, > a > > pissed off hornet and a kamikaze pilot began to attack. So we > began > > to dodge and swat as we continued toward the water. Then another > bee > > joined in and we dodged and swatted even more. Then another > couple of > > bees joined in and we began to look like the Grambling Marching > Band > > double-timing it to the beach. In only seconds, a whole swarm of > bees > > was upon us and the rout was on. > > > > > > Thus began the famous Isaacs Family Forty Yard Desperation Dash > to > > the Ocean. A couple of the family tried to dive in the water > where it > > was still only about 6 inches deep, thus burying their heads in > the > > sand (a family specialty) and exposing their nether regions > (another > > family specialty). And a couple of the more fortunate or more > > frightened ones of us hit the water so fast that we continued > running > > for another 15 or 20 yards on top of the water before we sank > beneath > > the surface. > > > > > > Then there was my step-mother (heh, heh, heh). Yep, straight > out of > > the chorus line of the dancing hippopotamuses in Fantasia, but > with > > inferior choreography, a gaudier outfit, and large, pendulous > > breasts, thus came Priscilla Lagatha Isaacs, scattering > sunbathers, > > small children and a few loose pets. With a high pitched squeal > and > > appendages flying in all directions, onward she came . . . along > with > > the main body of the swarm of bees. About 20 yards from the > water, > > her spasms and movements somehow organized into this unholy > rhythm of > > jiggling flesh, waving arms, waddling legs, and two enormous > breasts > > that bounced mightily back and forth from the vicinity of her lap > all > > the way up to her face and back. BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM, BAH-BLAM! > > > > > > The entire crowded beach, which the rest of us now realized had > > been laughing mightily at our perils, became silent in momentary > awe. > > Except for the ones who were squawking and scrambling to get out > of > > her direct path. Even the bees seemed to back off, although I > think > > they did so mostly from a sense of self preservation, since the > > mighty pendulums appeared to be exacting a toll of their own on > the > > bees which ventured into their path. > > > > > > Finally, she reached the edge of the water, and, after about > three > > more unsteady steps fell facedown with a mighty splash into the > > aforementioned 6 inches of water, momentarily scattering water, > sand > > and bees. The crowd regained its voice and many applauded and > > cheered. Others, like myself, just laughed. The rest of our group > > rushed to her aid while the bees were still in disarray. With > > considerable effort, they turned her over and drug her into the > > deeper and more bee-safe water (thus starting a ritual that was > later > > adopted by Greenpeace and others along the west coast to save > large > > beached mammals). > > > > > > Once we had her in with the rest of us, in water up to our > necks, > > we began to gather our wits and ponder what had happened. As we > > sputtered theories of alien visitations, abnormal sunspot > activities > > and unusual planetary alignments, another beachgoer paddled close > by > > on an air mattress and said, " I guess you folks bought the cheap > > tanning oil too. Don`t feel too bad, my folks bought some of that > > coconut oil crap when we first got here too. I`m not sure whether > it > > attracts those damn bees or just thoroughly pissses them off! " > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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