Laughter is the best medicine - Cows and Politics

[Guest guest]

OK, in the vein of lightening up I offer this:

 

Cows & Politics Explained

 

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one

to your neighbor.

 

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives

it to your neighbor.

 

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So

what?

 

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who

tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.

The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and

give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

 

A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and

provides you with milk.

 

A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells

you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

 

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes

you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign

country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

 

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a

bull, and build a herd of cows.

 

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes

them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then

pours the milk down the drain.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force

the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when

the cow drops dead.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because

you want three cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they

are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the

milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and

market them World-Wide.

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they

live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die.

Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where

they are. You break for lunch.

 

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn

you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting

cows and open another bottle of vodka.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.

You charge others for storing them.

 

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a

partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and

the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people

milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and

arrest the newsman who reported on them.

 

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They

open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie

rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who

needs people?

 

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left is

kinda cute.

[Guest guest]

LOL! Those were funny. Okay here is my attempt to lighten up.

 

 

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice?

 

Because it said " Concentrate "

 

A blonde walks into a library and shouts, " CAN I HAVE A CHEESE BURGER

AND CHIPS?!? "

 

The librarian replies, " This is a library. "

 

" Sorry, " the blonde whispers in a barely audible voice, " can I have a

cheese burger and chips? "

 

There is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they are all in

grade 3. Which one is hottest?

 

The blonde because she is 18.

 

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?

 

A: A golden retreiver

 

 

Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?

A: To see what was on the other side.

 

On her way to the airport the blonde noticed a sign..Airport left...

so she turned around and went home

 

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?

A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday!

 

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?

A: You don't they're born that way!

 

Q : How can you tell a blonde has been using your computer?

A : There is white-out all over the computer screen!

 

Q: Why don't blondes have elavator jobs?

A: They don't know the route!

 

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?

A: " Thanks for the refill! "

 

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?

A: Data transfer.

 

 

 

oleander soup , " Tony " wrote:

>

> OK, in the vein of lightening up I offer this:

>

> Cows & Politics Explained

>

> A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one

> to your neighbor.

>

> A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives

> it to your neighbor.

>

> AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.

So

> what?

>

> AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.

> You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office

who

> tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the

tax.

> The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and

> give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

>

> A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and

> provides you with milk.

>

> A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells

> you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of

sabotage.

>

> DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes

> you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign

> country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

>

> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a

> bull, and build a herd of cows.

>

> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government

takes

> them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then

> pours the milk down the drain.

>

> AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and

force

> the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when

> the cow drops dead.

>

> A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because

> you want three cows.

>

> A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so

they

> are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times

the

> milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and

> market them World-Wide.

>

> A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so

they

> live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

>

> A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die.

> Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

>

> AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where

> they are. You break for lunch.

>

> A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn

> you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

> You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting

> cows and open another bottle of vodka.

>

> A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to

you.

> You charge others for storing them.

>

> A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a

> partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows

and

> the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

>

> AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of

them.

>

> A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people

> milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity,

and

> arrest the newsman who reported on them.

>

> AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right?

They

> open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie

> rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who

> needs people?

>

> AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION: You have two cows. That one on the left

is

> kinda cute.

>

[Guest guest]

The blonde wondered if she was really pregnant. She went to an OB/GYN.

After much waiting, a physical exam, and a couple tests, she was

finally told be the nurse that she was, indeed, pregnant.

 

The blonde said, " But is it mine? "

 

A poor Tibetan monk sees that he has 2 cows. He considers and knows

this, too, is only Maya.

 

I get two Texas Longhorn cows and wonder where I can find a Kosher

butcher. No joke.

 

 

 

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