BUSH AND KERRY, THE DIFFERENCE DISCOVERED

[Guest guest]

http://www.etherzone.com/2004/stang100804.shtml

 

>BUSH AND KERRY, THE DIFFERENCE DISCOVERED.

>By: Alan Stang

>

>As I watched Communist traitor Kerry and world government traitor Bush

>confront each other in the first charade, I could not help but think of Oz.

>Remember? As they approached the curtain, Dorothy and her pals trembled at the

>stentorian voice and Hollyweird sound effects. But then Toto pulled the

>curtain aside and they saw nothing but a whining, stammering bumbler.

>

>And so it was last week. I expected Communist traitor Kerry to do well. Debate

>is his natural element, he spent considerable time in preparation and he had

>the potent assistance of PBS propaganda pimp Jim Liar, whose questions put

>Bush on the defensive. Liar allegedly winked at Hanoi John after the fiasco.

>But, as politically jaded as I am, I must admit that even I was shocked at how

>bad Bush looked.

>

>Without the curtain, without the guiding hands of Cheney and his other

>handlers telling him what to say, Bush looked worse than Frank Morgan after

>Toto surprised him, petulant, stammering and bumbling, staring blankly at the

>camera like an amateur actor who has gone up in his lines.

>

>No doubt you shared my delight in the ensuing days hearing talk radio zombies

>Limbaugh (talent on loan from the Republicrat National Committee), Shallow

>Sean and Laughing Laura Ingraham (drop dead gorgeous but nobody home), among

>others, twist themselves into pretzels trying to explain the disaster away.

>

>Bush was " tired. " We were told he had spent all day with Florida hurricane

>victims and was still so shocked at the enormous human misery he had seen that

>he had " not recovered " in time for the charade. His duties as President left

>him " no time to practice, " etc. and so on.

>

>It was Drudge who spotted Communist traitor Kerry taking what could have been

>a cheat sheet from his pocket with his back to the audience, in violation of

>the charade rules, which may help to explain the good job he did. The Kerry

>faction of the Republicrat Party sarcastically admitted that what he took out

>was a pen, which was also a violation of the rules.

>

>I also received a delightful email explaining that the reason Bush hesitated

>so much and demanded more time even before Jim Liar said his time had expired,

>was that he was listening through a hidden earpiece to the instructions of

>Karl Rove, also a violation of the rules. But would Karl Rove tell Bush to

>look like a recalcitrant jackass? On the other hand, where was Karl when the

>Bush faction of the Republicrat Party agreed to let Liar immoderate?

>

>I am writing this on Thursday morning. The next charade will take place

>tomorrow night, and that one will include questions from the audience. If Rove

>let the Liar immoderate the first one, who is going to be asking those

>questions? Oz will need to do a lot better to stay in the game.

>

>On the other hand, notice the incredible fact that despite the Bush bomb, the

>numbers appear to be pretty much the same. Maybe that means those elusive

>undecideds just can’t bring themselves to vote for a man who says himself he

>is a war criminal, has done everything he can for the Communist Party, did

>everything he could to abandon our Prisoners Of War, and so on.

>

>I have only two thoughts about the Number Two charade. First, Cheney proved

>again that he is completely in charge. He makes Bush look like a stooge.

>Second, boy Edwards comes across like a precocious high school senior or maybe

>a college freshman debater, enthralled by what he learned from a professor

>like Cheney last week, a squeaky juvenile with no experience of real life. Can

>you imagine boy Edwards as President Edwards giving orders to our military?

>Yes, I can imagine him giving orders to Jessica Lynch, but not to Tommy

>Franks.

>

>Now I must admit I have made a mistake, and, on a personal note, I am sorry.

>In the best of good faith I must confess I have accidentally misled you. I

>have been telling you all along that there is no difference between the two

>factions of the Republicrat Party and their candidates. Now I discover I have

>been egregiously wrong. There is a difference that could well be decisive.

>

>>From an authoritative source so high up in the establishment that he would

>agree to speak only condition of anonymity, your reporter has learned that

>should George W. Bush be reelected, he will issue an Executive Order that

>would make Spanish the national language of the United States.

>

>This is by no means an impromptu political decision designed to curry

>short-term favor. According to Communist traitor Kerry, Bush has no plan for

>Iraq, but the fact is that the machinery to execute the language change has

>long been in place, and explains why Bush and el Presidente Fox have been as

>thick as ladrones.

>

>It also explains why Bush has decided to eliminate our southern border. The

>rationale for the change is that it would bring the United States into

>conformity with most of the rest of the hemisphere as we prepare to enter the

>next phase of regionalization via the FTAA, a process that would terminate in

>partition were things left as they are.

>

>The White House expects that the change would dramatically reduce tension

>between the two major ethnic groups, los mariachis and los anglo-sexistas, and

>would thereby reduce the danger of violent confrontation. Bush is thinking

>that in just this one swell foop we could completely eliminate the danger of

>balkanization and a meager life without vowels. Consider how much easier and

>hospitable it would be were visitors from south of the frontera able to read

>directions to Los Angeles in their own lengua.

>

>This recalls the fact that a national restaurant chain from Texas decided to

>open a Tex-Mex restaurant in Mexico City. It was a big hit and there were long

>lines to get in, but the people didn’t know what kind of food it was. They

>didn’t recognize it as Mexican. The change Bush anticipates would eliminate

>such confusing and potentially dangerous misunderstandings.

>

>Because Spanish would be the national language, no longer foreign, proper

>orthography no longer would require that editors put Spanish words in italics

>and, with the time saved, the Prostitute National Press could turn out even

>more tripe. President Bush habla español muy bien, and so would be able to

>lead the linguistic transformation in person.

>

>We expect to do our part to make the landing as soft as possible, by gradually

>writing more and more en español, so that by the time the Executive Order

>takes effect, you will be fully acclimated and simpático. Let’s begin with the

>numbers. Uno. Dos. Tres. Cuatro. Cinco. Next week we’ll go all the way to

>Diez.

>

>Now, what happens should beguiled Americans elect Communist traitor Kerry? The

>same utterly unimpeachable source explains that Hanoi John will issue an

>Executive Order that would make our national language French. Traitor John

>speaks the language as well as Jack Chirac, remember that he went to school in

>Switzerland and we are told that he speaks it to his brother and goes

>tête-à-tête with Teresa when they need to keep something entre nous.

>

>It is easy to imagine the exciting possibilities. Cajuns and Quebeckers would

>feel at home in the District of Criminals. Probably more important than

>anything else, the change would certainly facilitate the application of

>Kerry’s " global test, " in which Traitor John would express and emphasize

>America’s independence by taking unilateral action subject to international

>approval.

>

>Teresa gave us a harbinger of the change at the Boston Boreathon that

>nominated her husband, when she began her speech by saluting her fans in five

>languages, " a tutti italiani " and so on. A lady who has inherited almost a

>billion dollars can afford to show off. Our source tells us that she and Hanoi

>John picked French after extended discussion. Imagine the Mafia fallout had

>they picked Italian. They didn’t because Traitor John doesn’t speak it.

>

>Again, in the spirit of rapprochement, here are the numbers. Un. Deux. Trois.

>Quatre. Cinq. In a subsequent session we’ll go all the way to Dix. Here’s a

>painless way to pick it up between lessons. Simply watch and enjoy Peter

>Sellers as Inspecteur Clouzot of the Surete in the Pink Panther movies. Vive

>la difference!

>

>All right, you say you are annoyed. You say you don’t believe any of this.You

>demand that I tell you my source. Did you really think that after almost half

>a century in the news business, fifty years in which I have never burned a

>source, did you really think I would start blabbing now? All right. I’ll tell

>you.

>

>My source is Dan Rather.

>--------------------------------

> " Published originally at http://www.etherzone.com : republication allowed with

>this notice and hyperlink intact. "

>

>Alan Stang has been a network radio talk show host and was one of Mike

>Wallace's first writers. He was a senior writer for American Opinion magazine

>and has lectured around the world for more than 30 years. He is also the

>author of ten books. Go to http://www.stangbooks.com to read about Alan

>Stang's blockbuster new novel, He, about the greatest hero of all time, Jesus

>Christ.

>

>If you would like him to address your group, please email what you have in

>mind. He is a regular columnist for Ether Zone.

>

>Alan Stang can be reached at: feedback

>

>We invite you to visit his website at: http://www.stangbooks.com

>

>Published in the October 8, 2004 issue of Ether Zone. 1997 - 2004

>Ether Zone. http://www.etherzone.com

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