Guest guest Posted November 9, 2006 Report Share Posted November 9, 2006 Does your family drive you crazy? Erma Bombeck once joked that insanity is hereditary-you get it from your kids. Maybe your parents are being the problem, payback for your time as a teenager. Sometimes it seems like the Creator had some big idea to make sure we are born to the wrong family just so we can have an adventure discovering who our true family is. In my counseling practice most of the pain that people have to recover from is the pain caused by our families. It's been a big part of my own journey to heal from a painful childhood and the pain I had inflicted on my daughter. Our families should be the safest place on earth, on every level and yet for so many the opposite is true. Having said that; I need to share something with you. This year we lost two people in our family. My maternal grandmother this Summer at age 92 after a long bout with cancer and in the Fall my nephew age 16 of suicide. Now my step brother is battling cancer that has spread to all the cells and we don't know how much longer we'll have him with us. Our family is tight knit. We share the same sense of humor, work ethics, and values and we each have own little quirks and peeves. Good people who from time to time made some bad choices. We shared the attitude that life was about learning and to not to allow ourselves to be held back by a mistake, but to accept the consequences and to try to be better people because of it. Like a lot of families, over the years judgments, resentments and grudges crept in. As day to day life took over and we didn't get together as much to reconnect and get things cleared up. My nephew's death was the sonic boom of all wake-up calls. I was holding my sobbing niece and heard myself whisper into her ear " Now you're going to know what families are for. " And it was true. I was never so proud to be part of this family partly because we personally and collectively chose the path of Love. My sister, Sean's Mom was the epitome of grace and compassion as she comforted his teenage friends. When we tell people about this experience, we say that Love took over and led us through. The morning we were to go make arrangements at the funeral home I woke up to a voice saying " Drink the Cup of Forgiveness before you come together to mourn. " I saw my family doing a ceremony to commit to forgiveness of each other, ourselves and even my nephew so that our hearts were pure and open to one another so that we could be full support to one another with nothing between us but LOVE. I told my family about it and they immediately agreed. It was SOMETHING we could DO when we felt so powerless. That same night we came together. Because it was me that had gotten the message my family let me take over on what was to be said at the ceremony. We lit candles set out glasses and a bottle of wine. I began by reading a poem called " Childhood Friends " by Rumi that had a line " I brought you a mirror. Look at yourself and remember me. " To remind us we live in each other's hearts and when we look at ourselves we see each other. When we love each other we love ourselves. When we hurt ourselves we hurt each other. I said " If you want see Sean and tell him love him, just look in the mirror, that's where he is. " , then passed a mirror and we each looked in the mirror and said " I love you. " Let me explain something, I keep saying " I " but it wasn't me. It was too wise and loving. It was LOVE. In the Christian tradition it is taught that before coming together for the Lord's Supper or Communion it is also called, we are to go to anyone we may have a problem with and ask forgiveness so that we can share communion with an open heart and a clear conscious. Our ability to receive forgiveness is in direct proportion to our ability to forgiven. Notice I didn't say how much God would or could forgive but your capacity to receive that forgiveness. We are also taught that unless we love the brother we can see how could we love a God we can't see? I'm sure other religions teach this idea too; this is just the form I am familiar with. A friend once shared a Sufi prayer with me " I fully and freely forgive you for anything you have done to me in the past, are doing to me know or may do to me in the future and I ask that you fully and forgive me for what I have done to you in the past, am doing to you now and may do to you in the future. I release you and ask that you release me, let there only be love between us. I talked about these concepts to my family and then said as we drink this cup of forgiveness, let it be our agreement and commitment to forgive one another, to let there only be love between us. There's so much more to tell about everything surrounding my nephew's death. Too much to tell in one letter; but let me say this: It healed my family. It healed me. We were able to be full support for one another and for all of our friends. We have also been able to receive the help we need from family and friends. I know my friends have been wonderful to me during this time. My mother asked that we drink the Cup of Forgiveness at my Grandmother's memorial which was also our family reunion in October. I got to share this little talk with over 50 relatives and they all went for it. I will never forget the sight of those 50 people shifting consciousness and watch the light of love start to shine in that room. What a gift! I am set for the next 20 Christmases. People are encouraging me to writing more about Sean and everything that happened because it has transformed us all. My family wants to share what we learned and experienced during this tragedy, we also know this story is still unfolding. We know that this won't bring our darling Sean back, but it will keep him closer to our hearts because we are unburdened by negative emotions. As we are coming into the holiday season, I invite you to consider creating your own ceremony of forgiveness. Maybe you can't do it with your family …yet. But you can start with your friends who make up your current tribe of support. Even if you have to do it alone in front of a mirror, maybe that's the best place to start. It will make room in your life for the good things by clearing out those old resentments and grudges. On behalf of our family to all of you, let me say " Let there only be love between us. May God Bless you all " . Thank you Kathryn Perry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 10, 2006 Report Share Posted November 10, 2006 Kathryn, Thank you for such a beautiful and loving story! It really hit home with me. I'm going to ask my family this Christmas to do the Cup of Forgiveness too! Thank you again! ~Regina , " Kathryn " <texasthetahealer wrote: >> > As we are coming into the holiday season, I invite you to consider > creating your own ceremony of forgiveness. Maybe you can't do it > with your family …yet. But you can start with your friends who make > up your current tribe of support. Even if you have to do it alone in > front of a mirror, maybe that's the best place to start. It will > make room in your life for the good things by clearing out those old > resentments and grudges. > > On behalf of our family to all of you, let me say > " Let there only be love between us. May God Bless you all " . > Thank you > Kathryn Perry > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 11, 2006 Report Share Posted November 11, 2006 Kathryn, That is such a blessed way to deal with life complications I smile from that knowledge of your families well being. WhisperingWillow On 11/10/06, octobercrow7 <octobercrow7 wrote: > > > Kathryn, > > Thank you for such a beautiful and loving story! It really hit home > with me. I'm going to ask my family this Christmas to do the Cup of > Forgiveness too! > > Thank you again! > > ~Regina > > --- In <%40>, > " Kathryn " > <texasthetahealer wrote: > >> > > As we are coming into the holiday season, I invite you to consider > > creating your own ceremony of forgiveness. Maybe you can't do it > > with your family …yet. But you can start with your friends who > make > > up your current tribe of support. Even if you have to do it alone in > > front of a mirror, maybe that's the best place to start. It will > > make room in your life for the good things by clearing out those old > > resentments and grudges. > > > > On behalf of our family to all of you, let me say > > " Let there only be love between us. May God Bless you all " . > > Thank you > > Kathryn Perry > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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