Guest guest Posted November 6, 2006 Report Share Posted November 6, 2006 Hello Everyone: Just a few weeks ago, my father died suddenly of a heart attack. I can't begin to tell you the pain I've had in dealing with my loss. I am only 34 and my father was my " rock. " I've been having problems going to sleep at night. (I had the dreaded phone call at 2am from my mother who found him.) I also have a harder time being alone (in the car on my way to work, listening to slow songs etc.) My hubby has been very patient with me and hugging me when I cry (and there hasn't been a day when I haven't cried). I am really trying to be strong for my three little ones who lost their " Bompa. " Is there any type of grief therapy/meditation, etc. that you can recommend? I feel like I'm getting depressed. Also, and I hope this doesn't sound weird...but can people actually have contact with those that have passed on? I just miss him so much... Thank you, ~Diane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2006 Report Share Posted November 6, 2006 Dear Diane, I first offer you my heart of sympathies for the loss of your father. Grieving is normal, natural and how long one grieves is unique to that individual. It is not unusual to grieve for a long time to come, but what I can tell you from my own experiences, that it does get better with time. When I lost my favorite Uncle (Earl) in November of 03, followed by my baby brother, Dwight (age 42) in January of 04 and that same year, in April, my favorite Aunt (Lynn-Earl's and my mom's sister), I thought the wrenching would never lift! Especially over the loss of my little brother-to cancer. He had suffered 24 years with mental illness-smoked whatever he could find, was a transient many times throughout those years, wouldn't accept help or meds. I was holding his hand in the hospital when he took his last breath. I cannot begin to describe how hard that was---he was on Morphine Drip-to keep him sedated-so he was " unconscious " when he " left " ...but I knew that he was aware of my presence and that of our brothers and their wives. My mother refused to be there that day-she couldn't face saying goodbye-as she'd been there two days before and felt she'd said her goodbyes-I can't blame her-it was no place to be for a mother. Anyway--yes, it is excruciatingly painful. You think you're losing your mind...that the pain will never subside and you feel guilty for burdening others with your pain. These are all normal feelings... as horrible as they are. They touch that deepest love inside of you-and help to remind you how connected you are to your father. It is very possible to have contact--you never lose that--and sometimes there are dream visitations or actual sightings. Your father will know if and when such a visit is in order. Just let it be and accept it, if it happens as the blessing that it will be. Unfortunately, I have not found it possible to just call up my family members and request a visit. Seems there is some order to the Universe and I just leave myself open to such visitations. I have had two dreams with my brother. None with my Aunt and Uncle. In dream 1, I was seated on a bench, seemingly waiting for something-didn't know what-my brother, glorious in appearance-wearing new clothes, including a lamb's wool coat, approached from out of a misty-movie like fog at what seemed to be a train depot. He sat beside me. I was so taken with his beauty-how wonderful he looked-I couldn't get a word out...he put an arm around my shoulder, and asked me, " Sis, how ya doin? " I answered, " I'm okay, I guess " ...not sure I meant it. Then I turned to look him in the eyes-and his blue eyes were " sparkly " ... cheerful beyond words-his face was clean shaven, (he'd kept a long beard for years in life)...his skin was pinky-glow and he said, " I'm okay too, Sis.... " then he repeated it, with emphasis, " I'm REALLY Ok! " He then leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I still feel it when I recall the dream to this day. From that moment, I woke up, KNOWING HE WAS OK. That was the message he gifted me. That morning-two days following his funeral, I got up and was staring out of our large picture window as a snow began to fall ever so softly. January 10th. Dwight had been born on Dec. 10th... the snowflakes weren't falling down..they were floating side to side and swirling on a slight breeze... as though dancing in front of me. I thought, " This is Dwight's joyous dance for me! " I don't know why that thought suddenly came to mind-but it brought tears of joy where there'd been tears of anguish. A couple of weeks went by--I began to sink back into despair... another dream came to me. Dwight was laying on a sofa as I was seated in a chair across from him. He was visibly upset with me.... I couldn't understand--then he said, " LISTEN! I AM NOT DEAD! " I was dumbstruck. Had I been grieving so hard as to think he was actually GONE? I guess so! He came to remind me (again) that he was ok. This time, he said, " Come over here and listen to my heart! " So I did...and lo and behold, I heard clearly, a heartbeat... I stood up and said, " Well, I'll be damned! You're NOT dead! " To which, he replied, " SEE! I told you so!! " And then I woke up... that was the last dream I've had of him-though I'm always open to seeing him again in my dreams. There isn't any magic bullet to cure your broken heart. Just give it time... don't be ashamed of expressing the pain...and somehow come to know in your heart that your dad is really OK. Death is a doorway-it's part of life's mystery and I am proud of my brother for his great courage both in life and in death. I miss him alot-more so than even my aunt and uncle, because I helped to raise him..I have survivor's guilt that I am dealing with...but he's in a better place and one day your painful moments will spread out and give you some breathing room. Much love, Powitree Diane <mommysdaydream wrote: Hello Everyone: Just a few weeks ago, my father died suddenly of a heart attack. I can't begin to tell you the pain I've had in dealing with my loss. I am only 34 and my father was my " rock. " I've been having problems going to sleep at night. (I had the dreaded phone call at 2am from my mother who found him.) I also have a harder time being alone (in the car on my way to work, listening to slow songs etc.) My hubby has been very patient with me and hugging me when I cry (and there hasn't been a day when I haven't cried). I am really trying to be strong for my three little ones who lost their " Bompa. " Is there any type of grief therapy/meditation, etc. that you can recommend? I feel like I'm getting depressed. Also, and I hope this doesn't sound weird...but can people actually have contact with those that have passed on? I just miss him so much... Thank you, ~Diane Visit my online art gallery: http://www.geocities.com/powitree/SuesNewHomePage.html?1131947437736 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2006 Report Share Posted November 6, 2006 please try RESCUE REMEDY (bach flower remedy). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 6, 2006 Report Share Posted November 6, 2006 Dear Diane, You have my sympathy. Losing a beloved parent is tough, especially if he has been, as you put it, the Rock in your life. Nothing any of us can say here can take your loss away. All we can do is give you some perspective. It sounds like you had a loving father who gave you a strong foundation in life. Nothing can take that foundation away. People die, love remains. That inner foundation is your rock now. Your family will benefit from it for generations to come. Accept your grief. It is a part of love. Don't set a time table. It doesn't work that way. Read Andrew's wise words. Be aware that this is Soul work. It is done largely at a subconscious level, and you can't always put everything into words or schedule it neatly into your life. Grief has a weird way of going underground and popping up, sometimes months of even years later, with a fresh outburst. Allow this. Be honest with your babies, even if they are really small. Tell them you miss your Daddy, and if they see you cry, or you are less responsive to them, it is not their fault. Can you have contact with your father? Well, if you are, you are certainly not alone. Ask me for my Daddy story off list OK? I don't feel like posting it on the open net. Best wishes, Ien in the Kooyenays ********************************* Just for today, do not worry. Just for today, don't get angry. Honor your parents, teachers and elders. Earn your living honestly. Give thanks for each living thing. Mikao Usui, Reiki Principles. ******************************** Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 Diane, I've had a pretty rough year, in terms of loss of family. I understand the pain of losing someone that special. Yes, people can have contact with those who have passed on. My grandpa's and uncle were among the funniest men I've known...My dad follows in their footsteps. On most days, I hear at least one of them trying to cheer me up by reminding me of a joke they told, or just giggling over my ear. One of my grandpas reminds me to stop and enjoy the scenery sometimes. He always used to tell me to wait a while. Some days he still does. Deb , " Diane " <mommysdaydream wrote: > > Hello Everyone: > > Just a few weeks ago, my father died suddenly of a heart attack. > > Also, and I hope this > doesn't sound weird...but can people actually have contact with those > that have passed on? I just miss him so much... > > Thank you, > ~Diane > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 Hi Diane, I'm so sorry for your loss. This will take time for sure. We lost our only son, 8 yrs ago and I still feel the void. You just eventually deal with it. Everyone said I should go get an antidepressant, but I didn't like the sound of all the side effects. Thank God I didn't. I tried Bach's " Rescue Remedy " and it seemed to help a little. Time is the best I think and try and let them come to you. I had dreams like crazy at first and he was always smiling, so I know he is ok. I have felt hugs, twice. Just be open to it. I wish comfort for you and your family. Bless you, Vicki http://www.bachflower.com/rescue_remedy.htm <°}}}><{ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 8, 2006 Report Share Posted November 8, 2006 Hi, Diane, It's quite common for those who have passed to visit before they make the journey home. I've sent some energy with this message. I hope it helps. , " Diane " <mommysdaydream wrote: > > Hello Everyone: > > Just a few weeks ago, my father died suddenly of a heart attack. I > can't begin to tell you the pain I've had in dealing with my loss. I > am only 34 and my father was my " rock. " I've been having problems > going to sleep at night. (I had the dreaded phone call at 2am from my > mother who found him.) I also have a harder time being alone (in the > car on my way to work, listening to slow songs etc.) My hubby has been > very patient with me and hugging me when I cry (and there hasn't been > a day when I haven't cried). I am really trying to be strong for my > three little ones who lost their " Bompa. " > > Is there any type of grief therapy/meditation, etc. that you can > recommend? I feel like I'm getting depressed. Also, and I hope this > doesn't sound weird...but can people actually have contact with those > that have passed on? I just miss him so much... > > Thank you, > ~Diane > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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