Grief: The Prominent Emotion of Autumn

[Guest guest]

Good Morning!

 

Grief: The Prominent Emotion of Autumn

 

Grief

Grief is a normal and natural response to loss. Though we often

expect to grieve the death of a family member or friend, many other

significant losses can also trigger grief.

 

Examples include:

*The end of a relationship

*A move to a new community

*A much-anticipated opportunity or life goal is suddenly closed to us

*The death of a pet

 

 

Someone we love contracts a potentially life-threatening illness

Grieving such losses is important because it allows us to 'free-up'

energy that is bound to the lost person, object, or experience --so

that we might re-invest that energy elsewhere. Until we grieve

effectively we are likely to find reinvesting difficult; a part of us

remains tied to the past. Grieving is not forgetting. Nor is it

drowning in tears. Healthy grieving results in an ability to remember

the importance of our loss -- but with a new-found sense of peace,

rather than searing pain.

 

No two people are likely to experience grief in the same way. The way

we think and feel, the way our body functions, and the way we

interact with others may all be affected. Some of the more common

experiences include:

 

*Difficulty concentrating

*Apathy

*Anger -- at those responsible, at the deceased, at ourselves, at

God, at any handy target

*Guilt -- " If only I had done . . . "

*Sleep disturbances

*Loss of appetite

*Withdrawal from others

*Irritability

*Intense sadness or tears when a memory is triggered

*Numbness

*Loneliness, or a sense of separateness from others

*Loss of life's meaning

 

 

Sometimes our reactions are so changeable, intense, or irrational

that we fear we may be going crazy. Often grieving people are afraid

to confront their grief for fear that if they open the door they will

be drowned in a flood of tears or rage. Though this is very unlikely,

allowing others to help us in our grieving is good 'insurance' that

we will keep our balance. No matter what our intense experiences of

grief may be they are temporary. There IS life after grief -- if we

acknowledge and work through our reactions, rather than trying to

stop them.

 

Fortunately, much of the process of healthy grieving seems to

be 'built into' our genes. Acknowledging and growing from losses is

such a natural process that much of it will happen without our

direction -- if we relax our expectations of how we " should " grieve

and give up some of our need to be in control. But healthy grieving

is an active process; it is NOT true that, " You just need to give it

time. " One way of understanding the work to be done is to think of

grieving as a series of tasks we need to complete (not necessarily in

sequence):

 

*To accept the finality of the loss;

*To acknowledge and express the full range of feelings we experience

as a result of the loss;

*To adjust to a life in which the lost person, object, or experience

is absent;

*To 'say good-bye,' to ritualize our movement to a new peace with the

loss. Good friends, family members, or a personal counselor can all

be helpful in doing this vital work. You can also do a good deal to

help yourself.

 

 

Active, healthy grieving requires balance -- balancing the time you

spend directly working on your grief with the time you spend coping

with your day-to-day life; balancing the amount of time you spend

with others with the time you spend along; balancing seeking help

from others with caring for yourself.

 

Focusing too strongly on any single side of these pairings is getting

off-track. Here are some things others have found useful in their

healthy grieving. Choose the ones that fit for you, or make up your

own methods of self-care. Remember that grieving is an active

process, it takes energy that will likely have to be temporarily

withdrawn from the usual pursuits of your life. Treat yourself with

the same care, tolerance, and affection you would extend to a valued

friend in a similar situation.

 

*Go gently -- take whatever time it needs, rather than giving

yourself a deadline for when you should be " over it " ;

*Expect and accept some reduction in your usual efficiency and

consistency;

*Try to avoid taking on new responsibilities or making major life

decisions for a time;

*Talk regularly about your grief and your memories with someone you

trust;

*Accept help and support when offered;

*Be particularly attentive to maintaining healthy eating and sleeping

patterns;

*Exercise moderately and regularly;

*Keep a journal;

*Read -- there are many helpful books on grief; some are listed

below. If grief is understood it is easier to handle;

*Plan, and allow yourself to enjoy without guilt, some GOOD TIMES.

*The goal is balance, not martyrdom;

*Carry or wear a linking object -- a keepsake that symbolically

reminds you of your loss.

*Anticipate the time in the future when you no longer need to carry

this reminder and gently let it go;

*Tell those around you what helps you and what doesn't. Most people

would like to help if they knew how;

*Take warm, leisurely baths;

*See a grief counselor;

*Get a massage regularly;

*Set aside a specific private time daily to remember and experience

whatever feelings arise with the memories;

*Choose your entertainment carefully -- some movies, TV shows, or

books can only over-intensify already strong feelings;

*Join a support group -- there are hundreds of such groups and people

have a wonderful capacity to help each other;

*Plan for 'special days' such as holidays or anniversaries. Feelings

can be particularly intense at these times;

*Pray;

*Take a yoga class;

*Connect on the Internet. There are many resources for people in

grief, as well as opportunities to chat with fellow grievers;

*Vent your anger in healthy ways, rather than holding it in. A brisk

walk or a game of tennis can help;

*Speak to a member of the clergy;

*Plant yourself in nature;

*Do something to help someone else;

*Write down your lessons. Healthy grieving will have much to teach

you.

 

 

Andrew Pacholyk, MS, L.Ac.

Peacefulmind.com

Therapies for healing

mind, body, spirit

 

 

References

 

1. 1st Holistic: http://1stholistic.com/Nutrition

2. A Modern Herbal www.botanical.com

3. Balch, James F. M.D., Balch, Phyllis A., C.N.C., Prescription for

Nutritional Healing, 1990

4. Barolet, Randall Bensky, Dan, Chinese Herbal Medicine: Formulas

and Strategies; ed.; Eastland Press, Seattle, c1990.

5. Bensky, Dan Gamble, Andrew, Chinese Herbal Medicine: Materia

Medica; ed.; Eastland Press, Seattle, c1986.

6. Boericke, William M.D., Materia Medica with Repertory, 1927,

Boericke & Runyon

7. Chevallier, Andrew, The Encyclopedia of Medicinal Plants, 1996,

Dorlilng Kindersley Limited

[Guest guest]

This is especially true for me. I lost a brother and a niece within a year

of each other. Their anniversary dates are in the fall and it hits hard for

me.

 

 

 

Sherry L. Stoll

 

Freelance Writer | Greeting Card Writer | Illustrator

 

http://sherry_l_stoll.tripod.com

 

 

 

Sherry Stoll's Holiday / Occasions & More Store

 

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