Making Peace with Cancer

[Guest guest]

" JoAnn Guest " <angelprincessjo

Thu Aug 21, 2003 6:15 pm

Making Peace with Cancer

 

From Well Being Journal Vol. 8, No. 3 ~ May/June 1999

 

Personal Stories of Healing:Making Peace with Cancer

 

by Brenda Michaels

 

http://www.wellbeingjournal.com/making%20peace.htm

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I've spent almost 23 years of my life dealing with cancer, fending

off the dire predictions of my doctors and the damage from the

operations. At age 26 I was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Thirteen

years later cancer developed in my left breast. A year later it was

in my right breast. What was happening to me?

 

I finally had to take control and explain why I'd gotten into this

turmoil. First, I declared independence. The minute I took control

of myself, to start an inward journey, a whole new realm of life

opened. For the last ten years, it's been a journey into spiritual

and physical health. They have compensated for the other fourteen

years.

 

The turmoil within has subsided, but my anguish for others facing

this cancer threat hasn't. Burning questions haunt me. What can we

do to heal and eradicate this disease from our lives and this planet

forever? And, do we have the power to do this? Now that I'm healthy,

I have dedicated my life to teaching and sharing what I have learned

throughout my journey. Perhaps I can resolve the turmoil arising

from these questions.

 

From this new perspective, I believe cancer is a societal disease.

Its roots are psychological, yet it manifests in a physical form.

Core beliefs are instilled in us, passed down from generation to

generation. Every thought and belief we hold and empower is

reflected in material reality. I look around and see that the very

fabric of society is riddled with mental dysfunction. Separation,

hate, anger, repression, control, blame, and victimization are all

dysfunctions growing and thriving in our minds today. Combine these

dysfunctions with our toxic environment and dietary habits— the

physical manifestation of cancer is evident. Our physical bodies are

a mere reflection of the dis-ease that is held in our consciousness,

our emotions, and our spirit. I feel that if ever we hope to put

this disease to rest, we must finally make peace with ourselves, our

bodies, and our environment. I'm hoping that we can manifest the

qualities that are conducive to good health and well being. Can we

make a world without cancer?

 

This experience, this journey, this adventure of my life has led me

to the above conclusions. It has biased me. How did it all happen?

 

I grew up in a very conventional, middle-class family. I was taught

the same values and principles as my parents and their parents

before them. My parents were good people, but they were fearful,

overly cautious in every move. My parents rarely manifested love in

our house. They distrusted everyone, even themselves. By age ten I

learned not to trust anyone, even myself. I was told over and over

that life was a struggle. The world was terrible and so were the

people who inhabited it. I was told that wishes and dreams were only

child's play and they only came true for an elite few—and I wasn't

one of them. Feelings of anger, loneliness, and hopelessness set in.

I began creating a negative reality, based upon these emotions and

beliefs that had been instilled in me. I have since observed that

this scenario is fairly typical of middle-class families.

 

Little did I know living with these negative patterns would produce

so much emotional turmoil. Disappointment followed disappointment

until I was convinced my parents were right: " Life is a bitch and

then you die. " I was angry at God. I could not figure out why a

loving God would allow people to suffer. Why wasn't God there for me

when my father physically and emotionally abused my brothers and me?

Compared to my brothers, I was too sensitive. As my anger grew and

slowly turned to rage, the pain I felt became more than I could

bear. Not knowing what to do with these overwhelming feelings, I

began repressing them. I tried to accept what I had been told: " This

is how life is, so live with it. " I couldn't handle it. I despaired—

helpless, without hope. Without realizing it, I was the victim of my

family's influence.

 

My body started to reflect the emotional and spiritual dis-ease of

my inner turmoil. I began having all sorts of physical problems. The

most disturbing was acne. To a teenager, this was catastrophic. I

had it on my face, back, shoulders, and chest. I tried to cover it

with make-up, and dresses with high necks and long sleeves. PMS was

a monthly nightmare. Winter brought its string of colds. I tried

to " live with it, " with no idea why it was happening to me.

 

I was, thus, crippled when hit with cervical cancer. " Life is a

bitch ... " is the way I accepted this trauma. Nothing changed when I

lost my left breast to cancer; I stumbled along in my old patterns.

My doctors re-enforced the pattern. From the beginning, they told me

that the only thing available was " treatment. " Words like " cure "

were rarely used. My doctors only knew how to treat the disease, and

if possible, put it in remission. Not one of them knew the actual

cause of cancer. " ...So live with it " was my crippled way—minus a

uterus and one breast, and with no hope for children.

 

I woke up when I lost my second breast. The doctor signaled the

conditioned response—that I would not survive more than a year or

two. His consolation to me was, " Radiation and chemotherapy is the

only treatment we know. " Then it hit me. It was a gut wrenching

response. " That's it! That's all you doctors know! And I am the

victim of your ignorance! I'm not going to take your `treatment.'

I'm in charge of my body and I can change your dire prediction! I'm

not coming back to you. " The second breast was my last sacrifice.

 

Finally, it dawned on me: It was all false. And now, so were my

breasts.

 

The doom the doctor laid on me was revolting. Cures and/or patient

participation were never given to me as an option. I wanted to know

why my physical body was sick, what part I had played in getting to

this point, and how I could change the outcome. It was time for me

to take charge of my own personal healing. It was this decision that

started me on my journey to recovery. The turmoil finally grabbed my

attention.

 

It took me almost forty years to realize that the turmoil inside me

created the cancer. I began the change.

 

Every day I prayed for help and guidance. People, books, alternative

treatments, and other answers entered my life. I listened. I

learned. Then I took action.

 

I chose alternative, natural healing because my body screamed NO! to

the conventional treatment that the doctor tried to push on me. I

held my ground and trusted my intuition.

 

Then one day, a friend who had suffered with cancer told me of a

well-known radiologist who had turned to alternative healing. He was

going to be speaking in our area. We decided to go. He said

something that stuck with me.

 

He encouraged his patients to get in touch with their cancer through

meditation—to begin a dialogue with it. I had been meditating, so I

decided to do as he suggested. I asked my disease questions. I asked

my cancer what it wanted from me. When the response was " love, " I

panicked. I thought if I sent it love, it would grow and take over

my entire body. Right then and there I decided I was not going to

continue this process. The cancer's response haunted me. My husband

encouraged me to find out the real meaning of the cancer's response.

After many weeks of vacillation, I finally decided to ask for the

meaning. The response I received changed the course of my life and

my healing. Getting in touch with a subliminal power had paid off.

 

A voice came through and said, " Love doesn't make things grow, love

transforms everything it touches. "

 

By loving my cancer, I was learning to love the dis-eased parts of

myself, the parts of me that I had spent years repressing and

denying. I decided to perceive the cancer as a gift and focus on

transforming, as opposed to " fighting the disease. " It was time to

make " peace " with myself and my dis-ease. The cancer had manifested

in my life to teach me about my faulty thinking patterns and poor

dietary habits. I knew it was time to heal the dis-eased, negative,

and unloving parts of me that I did not want to admit were there.

This required me to transcend this dis-ease—and truly heal. I was to

fall in love with it and be grateful for this gift.

 

I committed, vowed, to heal. I began the process of examining all my

core beliefs that were negative and fearful. I asked for help and

guidance in changing them. This led me to examine my thought

patterns and become aware of their consequences. Ask yourself what

effect these ideas could have on you: " Life is a bitch and then you

die. " " You can't trust anybody. " " Your dreams can't come true. " " You

are insignificant. " I wanted the healing of positive thinking to

come naturally.

 

I began letting go of my anger with God, my parents, and the world.

It was time to embrace forgiveness. I needed to forgive myself along

with everyone else. I took complete responsibility for what I had

created in my life. Gradually, I allowed myself to understand that

experiences serve the purpose of helping us to transform and connect

to our divine selves — to transform anger into an attitude of love.

 

I completely changed my diet, my friends, my work, my partner—every

area in my life where I was not living authentically, feeding my

body its requirements and being true to myself. I adopted the

Nicholas Gonzales dietary regimen with alimentary canal cleansing

along with numerous supplements.

 

All of this was overwhelming at first, especially changing my diet.

Dr. Gonzales' program required nothing but raw and juiced organic

vegetables and fruits along with raw organic calves' liver for the

first six months. I then continued to eat the raw and juiced

vegetables minus the liver. After a year my eating program was

extended to include fish a couple of times a week. There was

absolutely no sugar, caffeine, white flour, canned or processed

food, meat, or oils beyond flaxseed oil allowed.

 

For the next three years this was my diet. Along the way new

friends appeared that supported the direction I was moving in.

Prayers and love were being sent my way from people I had never met

before. I quit my job. I divorced my husband. With these changes my

heart slowly began to open. For the first time ever, I was filled

with hope and a feeling of internal power and strength. I realized I

had to accept the pain of resolve and receive the healing. Joy

filled my soul just by being honest with myself and others.

 

It was magical!

 

I realized that past patterns of thought had thrived on fear. They

had been my task-master for many years. I had relinquished control

to them. Once I realized how these patterns of thought had ruled my

life, I had to change them and adopt new ones in order to become

healthy. It was then that loving myself and making peace with all of

me was the most important thing I could do. This new spirit poured

through me. The Healer moved into my awareness. I learned how to

communicate with the Healer. Fear had ruled me too long!

 

A few years after I finished Dr. Gonzales' program I was introduced

to Dr. Richard Schulze, and his program continued to help me recover

my physical health. He treats cancer patients with herbs, a

detoxification program, and diet as well.

 

The difference in his approach is that instead of using vitamin and

mineral supplements, he uses wildcrafted, organically grown herbs.

 

At that time he had a clinic in Santa Monica, California, and had

been in the trenches with many cancer patients. He knew what to do

to continue assisting my body in reaching optimum health. He also

helped me understand that my body has a blueprint of what perfect

health is. He says, " The body is constantly trying to achieve

perfect health. All that goes wrong is that we get in the way of

this natural process.

 

All disease is caused by some type of blockage, whether it is

circulatory, lymphatic, digestive, nutritional, elimination or

emotional. Free the blockage, let the energy flow and healing

explodes. " I knew that he was exactly what I had ordered to restore

my physical health.

 

On an emotional level, loving myself deeply and making peace with

all of me was the most important gift I could give myself. This

simple act would allow the energy to flow in my body once again. Dr.

Richard Schulze's program would do the rest by assisting my physical

body to achieve proper harmony with my emotions.

 

Today, I can't believe I had the courage to experience cancer and

come out the other side. My life has been forever changed. That is

the " gift " that has come out of this. I shall be eternally grateful.

 

There is more of that hope out there. Dis-ease is curable. It is

important to remember that we are powerful beings. We play an

integral part in life's process for healing, whether our own or that

of others. Healing is given the moment we ask for it. How much

healing we receive depends on accepting it. Hope springs from the

confidence in our own power.

 

When we are willing to take responsibility for our healing, we stand

a chance of eradicating dis-ease for ever. I strongly encourage

everyone to give her/himself this gift. Life is precious and full of

possibilities. Together we can make a difference. Together we can

achieve a world without cancer.

 

 

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Brenda Michaels can be reached at 425-643-0443; robert;

5105 145th Pl SE, Bellevue, WA 98006.