SLOPS

[Guest guest]

I came up the below essay the other day when looking through

a friend's online journal. Where she got it from I don't know.

Frank suggested others on Gettingwell list might appreciate the

humor.

 

Alobar

 

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TOPIC: A VERY IMPORTANT HEALTH-RELATED MESSAGE

 

Care of: Lenco and Co.

 

The World Health Organisation today issued a new warning against

non-essential travel to the entire Western hemisphere following

renewed concerns about the spread of Severe Loss of Perspective

Syndrome (SLOPS).

 

Officials are warning travellers not to visit the UK, the US, almost

all of Western Europe, Canada and Australia, following further

outbreaks of the disease, which has led to mass panic among the

media, thousands of ecstatic children being kept out of school by

their credulous and moronic parents, and increased profits for DIY

stores as the idiot public rush to bulk-buy face masks and boiler

suits.

 

A WHO spokesman said, " You'd be much better off going to somewhere

like Taiwan or China, because all you've got to worry about there is

SARS, and let's face it, you're about as likely to die from that as

you are to get kicked to death by a gang of zombie nuns. "

 

The SARS virus has now claimed a staggering 500 lives in only six

months, which makes it considerably more deadly than, say, malaria,

which only kills around 3000 people every single day. Malaria,

however, mainly affects only those that speak 'foreign' languages,

whereas SARS has made at least one English person feel a bit iffy for

a couple of days, and is therefore considered much more serious.

 

The spread of SLOPS has now reached pandemic portions, with many

high-level politicians seemingly affected by the disease. The rapid

spread of SLOPS has been linked to the end of the war in Iraq and the

need for Western leaders to give the public something to worry about.

Otherwise, they might start asking uncomfortable questions about

domestic issues, and that simply would not do.

 

To contain the spread of SLOPS, anyone who appears to be exhibiting

symptoms of SLOPS should be placed under house arrest with no access

to TV, internet or newspapers until they regain their sanity.

 

- Lenco