A Year of Discovery

[Guest guest]

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was

almost 30. I had started studying herbs in my early twenties. After

the doctors told me I had to be put on Valium, and to give my

children away, since on that drug, I could barely function and could

not take care of them. So, I chose not to take it and to find another

way. It took a long time, but I did find a way. Then, last year,

someone told me, well, it has been a long time, but maybe you weren't

really bipolar, since there is no cure for it. I had been what the

doctors would call " normal " for about 10 years. And it got me to

thinking: what if they are right. So, I thought about it for a long

time, well, almost three months, but if you have ever pondered a

subject day and night, almost three months can seem an eternity. I

would take a year off of all my herbs, my cleansings, my nutritional

programs, my meditations, and my gardening. I would do none of those.

I would go back to eating they way I had before and just live day to

day.

At the end of August, there were several symptoms: sensitivity to

anyone, although, not as bad as it would get later, sorrow that could

not be shaken, not caring much in the things I had interest in,

continued depression, and then, September 11 hit. On that day, there

was also a bad personal experience within my family structure. I

became overwhelmed and despair started to sink in. Frantic behavior

led to even more nervousness and erratic thinking. Believing that the

ones who mattered most in my life felt that I was worthless and not

important to them. And then I started swinging back and forth between

moods, sometimes several times a day. My concentration almost

stopped, for it was difficult to think. Fear began to be my constant

companion. I didn't want to go out much and I didn't want to visit my

friends online because I was afraid of how they would treat me. Once

again, I was fearful of being called a freak and they would think

that I needed to go into a " clinic " . So I hid out at home as much as

I could. I cried a lot. And more and more, I just sat and stared.

Towards the end of this year, I just couldn't do much at all. I was

so overwhelmed by so much. Trying to clean the house was total

misery. I couldn't keep my mind focused on anything more than a few

minutes. And I grieved. So deeply, at times I thought my heart would

stop. I ached so deeply emotionally that it became physical pain.

Sleeping patterns became erratic, because it took forever to go to

sleep. The mind wouldn't stop most of the time. And so much of the

time, I was tired, so very tired but as soon as I laid down, the mind

would go into overtime. Also, I would also experience an extreme

nervous energy and couldn't sit down for long at all. I would go into

what I call " babble mode " . If I started talking, it was like I

couldn't stop, and of course, since the mind couldn't focus on one

thing for long, the subject matter changed rapidly. If I failed at

anything, no matter how small, the feeling of being incompetent was

overwhelming, as was the feelings of total worthlessness. I felt so

hopeless for quite awhile.

 

Now there were my good days, when neither the manic or the depression

was there, but they were few and far between. Mostly, there were many

times, I just wanted to die. Not to kill myself, although if I

continue this for very much longer, I am sure the thoughts of suicide

would start to rear its ugly head. No, I just wanted to die. To just

let go was a wonderful idea. But, I still retained a small part of

me, who I really am so I continued to hang on.

 

I hated to look in the mirror to see my ugliness. I can't tell you

how THAT depressed me, and as time went on, the ugliness got

pronounced.

 

It was in December that the voices started. Before, I used to hear

the voices. Oh, they never told me to hurt myself, or others, mostly

they just called my name. So it is a little unnerving to hear a voice

calling you and no one else is in the house. And the calling of my

name indicated my situation. I know when I grieved so greatly and

cried so hard, the calling of my name was in a sympathetic tone. When

I almost hurt myself accidentally cutting up some food, it called my

name sharply, as if to draw my attention back to what I was doing. I

have never feared the Voice, it always seemed like a friend to me. It

never talked to me to tell me to do something, it seemed to comfort

or protect me. But I hadn't heard it in a long time.

 

This is just a small telling of what I went through.

 

In January, I got bronchitis so, I had to resort to the basic herbs

to help with this, mainly, garlic, Echinacea and vitamin C.

Unfortunately, I didn't take enough and within two weeks, I got it

back again. Anytime you get something back, it is four times harder

to get rid of it. So, back on the herbs and vitamin again, only

stronger dosage and more frequently. And this time, I stuck it out

until it was completely over. And on occasion, I had to take an

herbal laxative to get me going. Those are the only times I have used

herbs, period.

 

On March 20, I decided would be the time to stop this and go back to

my programs. That would be a whole year without it. Actually, I will

be taking Colon Formula #1 the evening of the 19th, since nothing

will happen until the next day anyways. I intend to chronicle my

cleansing, and to tell you what I am feeling. I can tell you this:

some days will be good, and some days will be bad. Because a cleanse

will be knocking toxins loose and they will be flowing in the

bloodstream, so some days may get pretty rough. But, better out than

in. I know from the past, I will be better for it, and will feel much

better after a cleanse.

 

I know that some of you will think I was wrong to do this year-long

test. I am not going to defend my actions; they are for me and me

alone to know. All I will say is that I have always believed that

this life is a great learning place, and I always seek to learn. And

I learned a lot. I have learned I am bipolar. I have learned my

program worked, and never again will I depart from it. I have learned

how precious those 10 years were when I showed basically no symptoms.

I will always remember now just how precious they were. I never want

to come to this place again. I want to real " me " to be back again,

and now that I have confirmed, without a shadow of a doubt in my

mind, that what I did before really and truthfully helped, I intend

to do everything in my power to get completely cleaned out and become

who I was meant to be.

 

So, starting the on March 20th, I will be chronicling my day by day

cleansing for a month. I do this also, to help those who have never

experienced a cleanse, either a partial or a total cleanse, to help

them understand what I will be going through.

 

Lynques

[Guest guest]

Oh Lynques please keep us informed in your progress, I am always interested to hear how someone heals themselves either herbally, or spiritually.

 

Patricia

[Guest guest]

Cheers to you Lynques. I'm sending supportive vibes your way, and i

think it's a wonderful idea what you are doing. Life is a

classroom! Look forward to your reports.

love thessa

 

herbal remedies, " lynques " <wtchdktr@s...> wrote:

> As many of you know, I was diagnosed with manic depression when I

was

> almost 30. I had started studying herbs in my early twenties. After

> the doctors told me I had to be put on Valium, and to give my

> children away, since on that drug, I could barely function and

could

> not take care of them. So, I chose not to take it and to find

another

> way. It took a long time, but I did find a way. Then, last year,

> someone told me, well, it has been a long time, but maybe you

weren't

> really bipolar, since there is no cure for it. I had been what the

> doctors would call " normal " for about 10 years. And it got me to

> thinking: what if they are right. So, I thought about it for a long

> time, well, almost three months, but if you have ever pondered a

> subject day and night, almost three months can seem an eternity. I

> would take a year off of all my herbs, my cleansings, my

nutritional

> programs, my meditations, and my gardening. I would do none of

those.

> I would go back to eating they way I had before and just live day

to

> day.

> At the end of August, there were several symptoms: sensitivity to

> anyone, although, not as bad as it would get later, sorrow that

could

> not be shaken, not caring much in the things I had interest in,

> continued depression, and then, September 11 hit. On that day,

there

> was also a bad personal experience within my family structure. I

> became overwhelmed and despair started to sink in. Frantic behavior

> led to even more nervousness and erratic thinking. Believing that

the

> ones who mattered most in my life felt that I was worthless and not

> important to them. And then I started swinging back and forth

between

> moods, sometimes several times a day. My concentration almost

> stopped, for it was difficult to think. Fear began to be my

constant

> companion. I didn't want to go out much and I didn't want to visit

my

> friends online because I was afraid of how they would treat me.

Once

> again, I was fearful of being called a freak and they would think

> that I needed to go into a " clinic " . So I hid out at home as much

as

> I could. I cried a lot. And more and more, I just sat and stared.

> Towards the end of this year, I just couldn't do much at all. I was

> so overwhelmed by so much. Trying to clean the house was total

> misery. I couldn't keep my mind focused on anything more than a few

> minutes. And I grieved. So deeply, at times I thought my heart

would

> stop. I ached so deeply emotionally that it became physical pain.

> Sleeping patterns became erratic, because it took forever to go to

> sleep. The mind wouldn't stop most of the time. And so much of the

> time, I was tired, so very tired but as soon as I laid down, the

mind

> would go into overtime. Also, I would also experience an extreme

> nervous energy and couldn't sit down for long at all. I would go

into

> what I call " babble mode " . If I started talking, it was like I

> couldn't stop, and of course, since the mind couldn't focus on one

> thing for long, the subject matter changed rapidly. If I failed at

> anything, no matter how small, the feeling of being incompetent was

> overwhelming, as was the feelings of total worthlessness. I felt so

> hopeless for quite awhile.

>

> Now there were my good days, when neither the manic or the

depression

> was there, but they were few and far between. Mostly, there were

many

> times, I just wanted to die. Not to kill myself, although if I

> continue this for very much longer, I am sure the thoughts of

suicide

> would start to rear its ugly head. No, I just wanted to die. To

just

> let go was a wonderful idea. But, I still retained a small part of

> me, who I really am so I continued to hang on.

>

> I hated to look in the mirror to see my ugliness. I can't tell you

> how THAT depressed me, and as time went on, the ugliness got

> pronounced.

>

> It was in December that the voices started. Before, I used to hear

> the voices. Oh, they never told me to hurt myself, or others,

mostly

> they just called my name. So it is a little unnerving to hear a

voice

> calling you and no one else is in the house. And the calling of my

> name indicated my situation. I know when I grieved so greatly and

> cried so hard, the calling of my name was in a sympathetic tone.

When

> I almost hurt myself accidentally cutting up some food, it called

my

> name sharply, as if to draw my attention back to what I was doing.

I

> have never feared the Voice, it always seemed like a friend to me.

It

> never talked to me to tell me to do something, it seemed to comfort

> or protect me. But I hadn't heard it in a long time.

>

> This is just a small telling of what I went through.

>

> In January, I got bronchitis so, I had to resort to the basic herbs

> to help with this, mainly, garlic, Echinacea and vitamin C.

> Unfortunately, I didn't take enough and within two weeks, I got it

> back again. Anytime you get something back, it is four times harder

> to get rid of it. So, back on the herbs and vitamin again, only

> stronger dosage and more frequently. And this time, I stuck it out

> until it was completely over. And on occasion, I had to take an

> herbal laxative to get me going. Those are the only times I have

used

> herbs, period.

>

> On March 20, I decided would be the time to stop this and go back

to

> my programs. That would be a whole year without it. Actually, I

will

> be taking Colon Formula #1 the evening of the 19th, since nothing

> will happen until the next day anyways. I intend to chronicle my

> cleansing, and to tell you what I am feeling. I can tell you this:

> some days will be good, and some days will be bad. Because a

cleanse

> will be knocking toxins loose and they will be flowing in the

> bloodstream, so some days may get pretty rough. But, better out

than

> in. I know from the past, I will be better for it, and will feel

much

> better after a cleanse.

>

> I know that some of you will think I was wrong to do this year-long

> test. I am not going to defend my actions; they are for me and me

> alone to know. All I will say is that I have always believed that

> this life is a great learning place, and I always seek to learn.

And

> I learned a lot. I have learned I am bipolar. I have learned my

> program worked, and never again will I depart from it. I have

learned

> how precious those 10 years were when I showed basically no

symptoms.

> I will always remember now just how precious they were. I never

want

> to come to this place again. I want to real " me " to be back again,

> and now that I have confirmed, without a shadow of a doubt in my

> mind, that what I did before really and truthfully helped, I intend

> to do everything in my power to get completely cleaned out and

become

> who I was meant to be.

>

> So, starting the on March 20th, I will be chronicling my day by day

> cleansing for a month. I do this also, to help those who have never

> experienced a cleanse, either a partial or a total cleanse, to help

> them understand what I will be going through.

>

> Lynques