Finding joy in self-referral - By Dr Deepak Chopra

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When we are self-referred, we identify with our inner self. We feel wonderful regardless of the situation, circumstance, or environment we are in, says Deepak Chopra

There is an interesting fable from India that illustrates

what objectreferral is all about. There was once a man who had only two things that he valued in his life. One was his son, and the other was a little pony. His whole sense of reality came from referring to these two objects. Then one day the pony disappeared. The man was devastated because he had lost half of what he truly valued. He was in the depths of despair thinking about his lost pony, when the pony returned with a beautiful white stallion. Suddenly from the depths of despair he was in the heights of ecstasy. The next day, his son was riding the stallion and fell down and broke his leg. So from the heights of ecstasy, the man was now in the depths of despair. He was wallowing in misery when the government's army came looking for all the young men to go to war. They took every young man in the village except the man's son, because he had a broken leg. So from the depths of despair, this man was now in the heights of ecstasy. You can guess, of course, that this story of object-referral has no ending. By their very nature objects change, and as long as we identify with objects, we will never know our real essence. When we evaluate and understand ourselves through objects, or through the eyes of others, our life is like a rollercoaster ride because the only constant about people, things, situations, and circumstances is that they change. If our identity is tied to these, then life is always going to be unstable. The opposite of object-referral is self-referral. When we are self-referred, we identify with our inner self, the unchanging essence of our soul. We feel wonderful regardless of the situation, circumstance, or environment we are in. And why do we feel wonderful all the time? Because we don't identify with the situation; we are a detached, silent witness of the situation. We are secure in who we are, and we have no urge to prove anything to anyone. If we had the urge to prove this to someone, there we would again evaluate ourselves through the eyes of others. Self-referral is an internal state of joy, and this is different from happiness for a reason.