Forceps delivery, witnessing vs judging

[Guest guest]

The forceps discussion blends with the question about why a baby

would need a witness and Ysha's post to clarify mine. Please know

that I writing spontaneously and not editing as I would for a formal

document.

 

" As in our deepest meditations, also the deep non-judgemental

devotion to life in our heart, the ability to give intention without

baggage is easier for the third party. By my understanding, being

with a client in this way supports their ability to take clear

intention and attention where it naturally needs to go. On the wings

of prayer and in the guiding heart and hands of the most Divine

impulses of Ma Nature. Is this what you mean, Janel? "

 

This is a wonderful, poetic expression of the concept, and the truth

is that regardless of our intentions, we do have our own baggage.

 

The discussion, initiated by the mother bfing a 15 mo old and trying

to conceive --- and my contributions about the mother needing to

deal with her baggage, create the caution and consideration of being

judgmental when what we all want is to be supportive, spiritually

neutral, from our heart.

 

First, I propose it is a good practice to strive for being non-

judgemental. We all need and want that -- to not be judged. However,

we all need to be receive accurate reflection and to be held

accountable in order to grow. We women are in a powerful role on the

planet as the builder of the babies. We all need to know there are

consequences for our actions, and never more so than when providing

the cellular matter and womb for another to come forth and to

become. The baby will live with, in every possible way, the choices

of the mother and the father, and their society. In the first

trimester the brain grows something like 500,000 neurons a minute.

Whatever she is eating, feeling, experiencing, including depression

and drugs for depression MATTER -- pun intended!! American's

favorite survival strategy --- DENIAL ---

is born out of an environment where the " WHAT IS " is ignored because

of personal freedom and the need to not be judgmental. I think the

time is coming for us to hold each other accountable about how we

are bringing humans into this world.

 

It is very challenging to articulate how important it is for the

soul, whether it is preconception (like the one client) or three

weeks postpartum (for the baby born by forceps) to have someone who

will SEE, FEEL, and NAME what is happening; to have someone, some

other human being who GETS it. Even and especially when it is the

mother who is doing it. What can be considered " judgmental " towards

another woman, is the much needed acknowledgment and " witnessing (an

aspect of the deepest self) " for the baby.

 

Regarding the forceps trauma, Ysha wrote, " I like to talk from the

heart about it with Baby, and put oil choices under the their nose

and see reaction. "

 

Yeah! This is great -- acknowledging the baby and even letting the

baby guide the process. And, what if, perhaps it is not time to heal

that and the baby says no to all of them, and we KNOW that the oil

would help the baby to heal. Do we accept that and not do it?

 

What is important to add is to ASK the baby for permission to do

anything, " Is it ok if I put some essential oils up to your nose and

you can show me you'd like to work with one of them. " I don't hold

or touch a baby without the baby's permission, even if the mother

just hands the baby to me. I tell them they are in control -- to let

me know if they change their mind. I honor them when they move my

hand away. We adults are 70% or more non-verbal communicators.

Babies even more so.

 

Being able to work " From the heart " is one of the gifts I am sure

you all have and is why you are here. Being a witness to a baby or

soul's experience requires being from the heart and honoring every

aspect of the soul's journey, and being attentive to what the

soul/baby wants to do and heal. We can be from the heart and have

our own agenda, which is very much characterizes the mother and

father. Very, very rarely do parents truly engage with the baby at

the level the baby/soul seeks and is capable of. Babies are " done

to " and it is often not what they want or need.

 

Our babies are being so wounded by technology. Babies born by

forceps (vacuum, csection) are ANGRY, in PAIN, they have been

violated, and betrayed -- very much more so than the average baby

born in the hospital today. They have much to say about it. When

they don't want contact, they avert their eyes. They disassociate

when mother tells HER story but shushes baby when baby begins to

share hers. " Shhh, shhh, it's ok, " and then, continues, " and then

the doctor blah, blah, blah. " Unheard, unwitnessed, this a terrible

breach in their relationship. Sometimes baby screams, " NO, it's not

ok -- this is what I experienced!!! " How parents respond IS part of

the baby's brain development --- is the world safe? Am I seen and

acknowledged? Will MY needs be met? " Can't you get me? " the baby

screams through childhood, adolesence, and adult hood. Meanwhile,

multiple people are handling the baby, getting in her face, and

abruptly off to other things. Fed, dry, swaddled, and quiet is our

social standard. Cooing in her face one moment, suddenly gone the

next (ie, the phone rings, the older brother wants something).

 

THEIR process for birthng according to the grand physiological

scheme and soul's journey (whatever that is) is disrupted.

Disruption creates a block -- an energy block. It gets labeled many

things immediately (colic) and throughout life - Angry, defiant,

stubborn, etc. " Checked out " is called, " such a good baby. " When no

one " gets " what the baby is or has truly experiencing or feeling,

the sad thing is that they may or may not be able to receive the

intentioned compassion, healing, and love we are feeling for them.

 

As a third party, we can be the first to truly acknowledge THEIR

experience. Our intentions, of course, ARE to be non-judgmental,

compassionate, gentle, loving, etc. AND, to witness when they have

experienced something that harmed them so, or disrupts their

ability, or separated them from the mother, they need to have

ACCURATE REFLECTION of that. Accurate reflection is acknowledgement.

We will always have some level of judgement depending on how we have

or have not dealt with out baggage from our earliest experiences.

Witnessing without judgement is a skill and action.

 

We all want and need someone to get us at that level, beyond the

words. " I know, I know, that was awful, wasn't it? " when we do our

intervention (craniosacral, chiropractic, infant massage, or

essentil oil move) doesn't cut it for the human if the other person

is not truly getting it at the " OH, MY GOD " level we feel when we

truly get it; it being someone else's expeience, somatically,

emotionally in our body. We express it in our touch and through eye

contact. We adults know that experience -- when someone is touched

by our experience and there are no words needed.

 

Babies/we need someone to witness their experience at that level.

If you think about emotional experience in your life, loss in your

life, like a death or for me, my son leaving for Iraq, or betrayal

by a spouse, we know when someone is genuine and " gets " it. We know

when our level of emotion, grief, whatever is so great that it

triggers the other's stuff. We know the divinity of the person who

can be " with us " in the depths of the emotion. Babies are more real

that we'll ever be. They need that connection desparately. Self-help

support groups are based on the fact that people who have been

through something can better understand. Often, there is no need for

exchange of words when the other connects with us with true empathy.

 

On some level, babies born with the force of forceps and cesearan

never come into their body -- they function in a disassociated

state. Whoever, whatever the parents are, this little babe

already " holds " it all --- body, mind, and soul. This is what the

baby needs us to get " from the heart.

 

This past year or two, almost every baby I have held, expressed

intense emotion about " being here " . Parents are happy and excited to

have a baby. A soul -- especially when not fully welcomed and

supported -- is not. They might cry about it or they may sleep or be

a " good baby " , parents are so grateful for and proud of. It takes

about 2-3 months to come into the body.

 

" We are conditioned to believe that the experience of labor and

birth -- very violent in our culture -- isn't remembered by the

baby. We are conditioned to believe that if we, the adult, feels

ok, then our baby will be ok. There is no regard for the baby having

his or her own experience and need to have it validated and

reflected.

 

AND, SO, we can do craniosacral, essential oils, infant massage, but

what if that baby needs to hold some particular dynamic for whatever

their life journey is about? After years of training, doing my own

prenatal and birth healing, and the births of my children, I respect

even more the journey of the soul. SO, the witnessing is about being

a person who does as Ysha very poetically articulated above AND

validates and gives the baby accurate reflection. When the mother is

unable to hear the baby's anger over being induced, held under

water, head squeezed by forceps, a third party can internally

connect with that very, very, very wounded baby. It helps that soul.

It's a window of opening. And, when the mother and father are able --

because when we aren't really judging them when we express or

acknowledge the unspoken, they are touched and get it as well. When

a mother " gets " just how whatever it was for her baby, to experience

whatever it was, even if because of her decision and choice or

disempowerment, when she FEELS it in her body and just acknowledges

it. Says, " I am so sorry, I didn't know " amazing, profound healing

occurs. A father told me recently of his angst and regret about

circumcsion and how one night he just " knew " that this is what the

baby was crying and crying and crying about. He held him and did

what I just said --- he FELT his own shame, regrets, betrayal as a

circumzized boy and said to the baby that he was so sorry. The baby

stopped crying. Each of yearn for that sort of connection with the

people who brought us into the world.

 

This is the way of being and skill I wish to teach parents and

doulas and nurses and doctors. Starting in the hospital, if nurses

and doctors were to treat a baby with this understanding and

dignity -- rather than overpowering parents who are numb and

disempowered and unable to stop violating treatment of their baby,

we could change the world.

 

Janel

 

 

ayurveda , " Ysha Oakes "

<AyurDoulas wrote:

>

> Dear Sonya;

> Certainly there are both physical and emotional traumas involved.

You

> haven't shared if there are any manifest symptoms in the baby's

> expressions? Is there much structural molding that shows? The

> craniosaccral will be wonderful if she can also get that help. But

> given my choices here, I would use a combination of (organic no

> solvents in distilling either of course) oils probably frankincense

> and the blend called Trauma Life, it is exquisitely gentle to

physical

> and emotional body and offering special trauma healing support.

The

> blend contains first frankincense! then sandalwood, valerian,

> lavender, davana, spruce, geranium, helichrysum and rose.

> Alternatively frankincense and geranium, or just geranium would be

> helpful. The oils in the Gentle Baby blend, along with

Frankincense,

> would also be a very gentle deeper bonding enhancing choice, with a

> number of very healing and skin-kind sweet florals in it.

>

> Dr. Young applied and massaged frankincense all over his newborn's

> head right after birth to help release the birth canal delay

pressures

> which otherwise so easily sets into cranial how do you describe it,

> Janel, tightnesses and constrictions and perhaps emotional

> conditioning. Forceps of course have to be a very intense

experience

> for Babies.

>

> I like to talk from the heart about it with Baby, and put oil

choices

> under the their nose and see reaction. They then help to choose

the

> very best options. Fortunate little one to have you there!

>

> So for the infant massage, I would be blending oils if it were my

> baby, at least 1/4 part essential oils and 3/4 sesame oil the first

> few times or however long I felt it was needed in terms of days,

> weeks, etc, when working the head with those delicious loving

circular

> motions, offering the smell and talking with Baby about it before

> beginning and during. I would also sometimes use the polarity

therapy

> neck points where all 5 tattwas cross at base of skull in back,

just

> lovingly holding for a while, supporting and feeling them, from

behind

> while baby is lying down.

>

> Of course for this post I have to again give big disclaimer, DO NOT

> USE IMPURE OILS ON BABIES, they are packed with petrochemical

> pollutants, more than say any foods or vegetable/massage oils. A

> bottle which says " 100% natural " can legally be 10% only essential

> oil, and that oil can be synthetic even.

>

> The Gentle Baby blend (or others) you have can be used in addition

on

> the feet, over heart chakra/chest, etc. If you can access the

> frankincense or other oil/s will be good. Apply one on feet, then

> head. I would start with a drop of the Valor blend holding the

soles

> for pulses first, so Baby will accept more into the emotional body

the

> higher vibration one/s as suggested combinations at top).

>

> My Essential OIls Desk REference from www.essentialscience.net

says,

> under Trauma, ... " Essential oils, through their ability to tap the

> emotional and memory center of the brain, may facilitate the

> processessing and release of emotional trauma ina way that

minimizes

> psychological turmoil. Blends rec are Trauma Life, Hope,

Forgiveness,

> Release, ... and Valor. "

>

> Supplements recommended therein (attend to the mother this way),

> include antioxidants like vitamin C or amalaki and/or chinese

> wolfberry/lycii; and Omega 3 essential fatty acids (flax oil...)

> Expect also the use by mother of herbs such as jatamamsi, possibly

> tagara (valerian) if sleep problems are manifest, ashwaghanda,

brahmi,

> and bala, balanced for her doshas and the baby's, would be very

> valuable if she will use them. The mother's prenatal vitamin would

> include good B vitamin support.

>

> All the eoil blends above are safe for use with the baby, diluted a

> little, on feet, back, head, but take care not to get on little

hands

> which go to eyes and mouth and might irritate temporarily.

Remember

> to use massage oil NOT water to wipe any accidental irritation like

> this!!!. Blends are preferred in this case because they carry

such a

> well designed and broad spectrum array of influences, helping

address

> the individual need and balancing each other similarly to the

reason

> we nearly always use herbs in combination in ayurveda)

> Did you receive the updated class notes on perinatal uses of

essential

> oils? There is much there about appropriate and safe use with

babies.

>

> Love,

> Ysha

>

> > I am working with a mom whose baby was pulled out with forceps.

> Would you recommend using any e-oils for the baby like Gentle

Baby?

> How would I use it in this case?

> > Sonya

>