for a lighter moment

[Guest guest]

Crosspost from another list.

 

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead

of me,

 

for I may not follow.. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me

alone.

 

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan

belt and a

 

leaky tire.

 

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal

your

neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

 

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't

getting any.

 

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't

be

promoted.

 

6. No one is listening until you fart.

 

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

 

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

 

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a

couple of

car payments.

 

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their

shoes.

 

That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have

their

shoes.

 

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how

to fish,

 

and he will sit in a boat and drink all day.

 

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it

was

probably worth it.

 

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

 

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

 

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

 

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that

comes

from bad judgment.

 

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half

and put

it back in your pocket.

 

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

 

20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark

side,

and it holds the universe together.

 

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one

works.

 

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips

are

moving.

 

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you

need

it.

 

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

 

25.. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped ...

then

things

get worse ..

 

 

 

 

 

 

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