newbie needs support - my 5E acupuncturist dumped me as a patient

[Guest guest]

Hi Celia,

 

My name is Yael, I'm a practitioner of Chinese

medicine in Tel Aviv, Israel.

 

I read your msg, and I have 2 voices inside me:

1. Yes, your practitioner did not end things in a

manner that suited you. Yes, he should have been more

sensitive, should have clue you in- at least that's my

opinion.

 

2. I can also agree with the part where your

practitioner admitted his limitations to help you, and

so saw it fit to give you the phone number of someone

that will be able to help more than he did. I respect

that in a practitioner- of any field.

 

The manner in which it was done was obviously hurtful

for you, and I'm sorry you had to go through that, but

it is also proof for you now that he did indeed helped

you as best as he could and now maybe it's time to

move on.

 

I must say though- this is not your fault. It's not

something you said or did, it's nothing like that. In

fact I don't tihnk it's anybody's fault, maybe the

practitioner isn't very good at letting patients move

on to other practitioner which is why he did so poorly

with you, but that also has nothing todo with you.

I repeat- you did nothing wrong, please tell this to

yourself over and over again until you feel stronger

about that thing. You are a patient, you paid money to

get treatments, you have every right to ask questions,

you have every right to know what's going on, and you

have every right to demand to be invovled.

 

> Is there no protocol in acupuncture/ Chinese

> medicine for helping a

> patient transition to a new practitioner if the

> acupuncturist thinks

> there is a need?

 

I don't know if there's anything written that

practitioners follow, at least not here in Israel.

Teachers do talk with us about it at school, and

there's the general idea of making the whole

transition with the patient, letting him be a part of

this decision, some practitioners will sit in on the

first treatment or two- it's different with each and

every practitioner.

 

instead he apologized for not being fully

> present before (as

> in not explaining all the points as I had asked him

> to) and said that

> what was bothering him was that I had reached the

> limits of his

> knowledge. (This makes NO SENSE to me! My questions

> were very

> GENERAL

> questions -- like what area is full and what is

> empty! How are we

> trying to restore harmony?)

 

I don't think he meant that he couldn't have answered

your questions, but more that he couldn't have helped

you anymore needle-wise.

 

> I was humiliated: he refused to give me a treatment,

> even to check my

> pulses: he said he was sending me to a colleague

> who knows more than

> he does.

 

I wonder why you were so humiliated, why you reacted

so strongly, do you have any thoughts that you can

share on that?

 

> His explanation was that my energy hadn't fallen

> into patterns by

> this

> time, which is the time by which he usually sees

> patterns in other

> patients. (Which I gather caused him to think I

> needed a more

> technically accomplished practitioner?)

 

This part makes me respect the fact that he is aware

of his limitations. Maybe one of the things that went

on in his mind was that you were seeing him for 3

months now, twice a week, and the progress he expected

didn't happen. So he thought that he didn't want to

drag something along, because it's not working like he

thought it should and so decided to reffer you to

someone who can be more useful for you.

 

Again, I think he could have handled this better, I'm

just trying to light other aspects of the story with

one main goal- that you should not think that you are

to blame.

 

> I am a kind, courteous young woman; I thought there

> was never

> anything

> but the most genuine, respectful and considerate

> rapport between us.

 

Do you think there's a chance that you in fact did

have all those things between you two, but that he

handled this one situtation wrong?

 

> I told him this this was a terrible mistake, and the

> worst thing for

> me.

 

What did he say when you said that to him?

 

> Yesterday I sought help at my university's mental

> health services;

 

Are you going there on a regular basis now?

 

> I am writing you here on the list to ask if there is

> no standard in

> Chinese medicine (as there is in the West) that a

> patient is under

> your

> care and you can't just drop them. This is my

> first exposure to

> Chinese medicine. I can't do it if there is no

> understood context

> that

> you are in someone's care, and that decisions about

> your care ought

> to

> be arrived at together.

 

I think that you met a practitioner who didn't know

how to handle this right. Most transitions I heard of

were done smoothly and with no problems at all.

 

> I feel so betrayed. It's funny how in " real life "

> out there, one is

> careful about trusting someone automatically, but in

> a therapeutic

> context such as going to an acupuncturist, I thought

> you could trust

> them to at least stay with you, not pull any

> horrendous surprises

> like

> out of the blue deciding to drop you.

 

I disagree with you on that generalization. This is

very individual. I can tell you from my experience as

a patient, it took me about 10 months to trust my

practitioner, it took me the same amount of time to

trust my therapist, and now those are 2 of the people

I trust most in my life. I used to be very

un-trusting, then trusting, then un-trusting.... I

think it depends on who you are.

 

You should also keep in mind that we are all human

beings. As such- we all sometimes make mistakes.

Could be that Bill will realize soon (if not already)

that he handled this whole thing with you very poorly

and maybe another talk to clear the air (for you) is

something you should consider, if it feels right and

you feel you can benefit from. But I would suggest

that you tell yourself it is not your fault, that it's

not something you did, and maybe allow time do it's

thing. Maybe in 3 months things will seem different to

you. But we do sometimes make mistakes. It doesn't

take anything from the distress it gave you, but it

just to say that we are all human beings that

sometimes make mistakes. I am sure this was not a

" direct hit " in your direction.

 

> Of course I can't help but take it personally and

> wonder what it is

> that I did or said, even though he denies I said or

> did anything.

 

Again, this is not your fault.

 

> I have support fr. my university's mental health

> counselors; but a

> therapeutic relationship had developed, and I feel

> so

> abandoned. The grief and shock about this is

> tearing me apart.

 

I don't mean to make you feel bad, I am only thinking

out loud with you, trying to help you get over these

feelings you are talking about. I do wonder about this

strong reaction you feel- which is very

understandable- and I encourage you to keep up with

the meetings with the counselors, so you can

understand that reaction better and be able to learn

tools which will help you prevent this kind of thing

to happen again. It takes time but it can happen.

 

All the best to you and I will be glad to hear how

you're doing via msgs to this list,

Yael