And odd experience

[Guest guest]

I'll spare the sob-story, but here's my situation: A few months ago I

ran afould of a particularly hateful individual. This person felt they

were in competition with me, even though I was open & friendly. I'd

had a bad, bad falling out with a friend, and this individual jumped

right in & worked to permanently sever the realtionship, and used it

to spin off some particularly nasty rumors about me. There were some

odd elements involved that pointed to some RI on this person's part (I

don't think it was trained, just native raw hatred, paranoia &

jealousy focussed).

I haven't spoken to the lost friend in half a year.

 

I passed my friend in a public space a few days ago. She was still

angry & we made no move to talk to each other.

 

Here's where it gets interesting. A day or so later, around midnight,

I'm channel surfing at home, when I get a weird tingle in my belly,

just below the sternum. it feels like cool seltzer trying to rush in

and up, a tingling, bubbling sensation. It suddenly gets strong &

fast, and I mentally start to push it back & out. In my mind's eye, I

have a picture of the hateful individual on the phone with my former

friend. The friend's upset, really still hurting over our parting,

especially after seeing me the day before.

 

The hateful individual is delighted in the belief that she's saying

things to further influence my friend against me, even though I've

been out of the picture for months. The image in my imagination is

clear enough that I could describe the clothing & body position, and

the feeling was of giddy, almost irrational pleasure at controlling my

friend's emotions under the guise of friendship, a sense of

accomplishment at having broken something and remade it for her own

benefit, and a desperate desire for me to know what she was doing.

(There was also an underlying feeling of self-loathing and alone-ness

which was her motivation in all this. Interestingly, the damage she

was doing to my friend--teaching her to hold onto hatred to make her

'strong'-- was holding up a mirror and to herself & making her feel

more isolate & justified at the same time).

 

This was a one second flash.

 

Anyway, I don't know for sure that it'll happen again, but from the

academic standpoint, what's the best way to handle an invasion to

one's self like that? I've had Chi gung teachers send energy through

me, but it never felt like this. The weird bubbling, butterfly

sensation, the sense of violation & the speed were pretty new to me.

(interestingly, back when I used to talk to my " opponent " civilly, I

sometimes suddenly felt butterflies in my stomach, even though I

couldn't explain why).

 

Trying to push it back out didn't seem like the best solution. My

energy is pretty strong, & I'm not usually affected by stray thoughts

& emotions, even when I see people around me are.

 

Cheers,

j.