Jmannuel and the Blockheads

[Guest guest]

You might have heard of this little known story about a guy named

Jmmanuel(a.k.a Isis or not)..

 

Anyway, the guys had all kind of magic powers like being able to

raise deads, walk on water, multiply bread, change water into wine,

heal the sick and split the sea in two etc - or was that another guy?

- anyway the point is he could do cool stuff like that. Personally I

think being able to split the sea in two is cooler but anyway, anyway..

 

And then one day a king was pissed off about all the cool stuff Isis

could do and called it " magical evil devil stuff " so he sent his mean

armed with spears and stuff to capture that magical evil devil guy so

they could kill him and make an example of him. Their idea was that

if he was devilish, they could control by menacing him with spears

and stuff and wouldn't need to protect themselves, beside their lame

spears, from him burning them on the spot or something.

 

So since Isis didn't care too much about what they thought he decided

not to make a scene and allow them to do what they thought they

should do, that is kill him instead of asking him if he could, say,

multiply gold lingot or turn donkey meat into filet mignon and stuff.

 

So they captured Isis, lashed him and stuff, had him carry a big

cross and nalled him to it. Now, as we might imagine, Isis, having

god-like power, was himself very weak physically, so even though he

had been a carpenter for most of his life and was only in his 30s, he

seemed to have incredible pain carrying his 4 by 8 piece of wood that

was his cross for a couple miles.

 

The pain was so much that he was always complaining " Argh!!!, the

pain!!, the pain!!, it's so terrible, Argh, they're gonna kill me,

it's so bad!, my knee!, so painful!, my back!, ouch, those stupid

lashes!, Why is this happening to me? Argh!!, Argh!! " etc, etc, thus

pretending to imitate the way those normal blockhead would react.

Then they nailed him to the cross and raised the cross in the air for

him to suffer, and he seemed to, still complaining and making painful

sound.

 

Then the king and his soldiers and the people looked at him, feeling

proud and satisfied, " Now, who's right huh?, who has the REAL power? "

thought they. And Isis was completely at loss, he had all these cool

magical powers, but now the situation appeared to way over his power

of regeneration, raising the dead and water-walking - or not. Now

Isis's main problem was that his crotch was hitching from all this

sun and sweat from a couple day in the sun, and he couldn't scratch

it - well not while people we're looking at least, what would they

think?

 

So he waited at night when nobody was looking for finally softly

moving his nailed right hand off the cross and quickly scracth his

crotch and satisfy himself finally, he then happily faked death by

going to sleep for a while. Then the king's men uncrossed him and

disposed of his body in a box from where he woke up a few hours

later. He then cleaned his body and his diaper of all the marks,

blood stain and stuff and walk away to go back to India with some of

his friend for a well deserved retirement.

 

On the way out of town, he met some guys who thought he was dead so

he told them he simply reincarnated and it was not really him. Back

to India, his friend gave him an academy award for his hyper-

realistic acting. He now has been living there with his friend and

doing stuff since then, feeling fine in his long-lasting body. Or

not.