Guest guest Posted February 14, 2003 Report Share Posted February 14, 2003 Dear friend, Im sort of new to the group but have enough experience on being depressed because of amphetamine abuse or lack of amphetamine ( or so I guess!). I was prescribed amphetamines at first when I was 8 years old by an endochrinologist and lost the weight I needed. I remember at that time I used to feel very talkative while the effect of the medicine lasted and when it was over, I used to go blue but never connected one thing to the other. Again, at the age of 12 I was prescribed amphetamines by another doctor in order to lose weight but I didnt connect the effect with euphoria and addiction as I was so young for that. Later, at the age of 18 I was again prescribed amphetamines and lost some weight but still was fine psychologically speaking, or so I thought. I started connecting the effect of being euphoric with amphetamines when I was at college studying Psychology. It then became a habit that would lead me take one pill in the morning and another one in the afternoon, no more than that as I was afraid of side-effects. Through some people I knew at that time I was informed I could increase or even split the dosage of the capsules....and by then the problem started. The more information I had on that the worse it got. For about 7 years I have been using it with periods that I can stop and just dont even think of it for months, almost a year. Things changed now. I am taking one pill after the other and I crave for them as I crave for food. Once I get the first pill....I need more and more. Perhaps it is time I admit and accept that I am at least abusing drugs, I am not really sure if I am what doctors define as an addict( I am not taking my responsibility of it but I really dont know). The fact is that I am now worried about the future if I keep using them and also with the fact that when they are about to finish I get sort of desperate and start setting appointments with doctors specialized in obese treatment just to get a prescription of amphetamines ( some dont use them anymore or wont give it to me considering my history). I am losing weight with them but I am also very nervous and also sort of losing affection in general but gettin more emotional ( if I made myself clear.....well, I dont think so!). I feel also a bit confused for many ideas pop in my mind at the same time and many times I cant get them all. Well, the truth is I am worried about the withdrawal symptoms if I stop. And how long it will take me to KNOW the actual Monica. My physical endurance, my emotions, my limits, my thoughts, EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! And the reason why I am willing to stop is also that if by any chance I have an accident or get sick, I will surely take more time to get over it as I am destroying my health and I dont want to keep doing it anymore. I need to change and be myself, not what I wanted to be. My dear friend, I will be extremely grateful if you answer this e-mail but I will surely understand if you ignore it as I have already given reasons not to be trusted anymore. Love, Monica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Monica: I can tell from your letter that you are in pain. The first step is the hardest one, and you have already taken it by realizing you have a problem and that you can't handle it alone. Good for you. The second step is to find yourself some in person support in your area; you might want to look into a couple of things: a twelve step program like NA, and a medical professional who can support your desire to move away from the substance that has become an addiction for you. You may need something for depression to help you over the hump; or not. Only you and your health professional will be able to decide that, based on your history and feelings. The recovery span will be based on you; but it's important to keep reinforcing your self esteem during the process, remembering that you are a unique and good person who has a problem, but that you are addressing it and you will be well. Things may change; people who are around you will respond differently, based on what your relationship has been to them... some will be relieved that you are taking care of yourself; cleave to those people, and avoid the ones who are reluctant to support your need to change your life. You will know who they are, and they may still be able to be part of your life, but in a different way. I'd also recommend you check out the links to TAT and EFT that are in the shared links area of the list, to work on issues that may be underlying your continued need to supplement your mood with medication to feel " up " . You might also want to look at this link, particularly the sacral and solar plexus chakras: http://www.geocities.com/nrgbalance/rainbow.html Take good care, and let us know how you progress. Blessings, Crow _______________ MSN 8 helps eliminate e-mail viruses. Get 2 months FREE*. http://join.msn.com/?page=features/virus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Dear Joel, Thank you so much for your supportive, kind and generous message. You are right, I did not write about childhood trauma and other personal details. I will surely do it a bit later as I am now sort of busy and would like to take my time and write peacefully everything I know that would help my story make more sense to you. Be sure there were lots of things that happened in my childhood that contributed to this outcome. Luckily, I was not sexually abused as a child, but I did have many other problems that truly affected me as a person. I will write back to you ( hope I wont take your time! Love and peace, Monica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 The key to healing is to find out what may be missing and fill the void. Drugs are used to fill voids. I would get counseling to help you determine the reason you rely on these drugs. You may have depression. There are many ways to cope with voids without drugs. Explore these with those who are trained. Circle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Monica... You've already received some good suggestions for how to proceed. In addition to what has already been recommended, I suggest that you start a series of acupuncture treatments, working specifically on addiction. You might also want to find an experienced Reiki or Healing Touch practitioner, especially one who has experience working with energetic attachments. Although you didn't say anything about childhood trauma, I would wonder about childhood sexual abuse or some other traumatic event from your childhood that needs healing. I applaud your courage in writing to the list and would encourage you to seek the appropriate in-person help as well. As Crow mentioned in her response, you have taken the most difficult step. The next one will be easier, and you will find a lot of caring support on this list as you move forward on your journey. -- ------------------------------ Joel P. Bowman, Ph.D. Email: joel.bowman Department of Business Information Systems Western Michigan University http://www.hcob.wmich.edu/~bowman ------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2003 Report Share Posted February 15, 2003 Monica... I will be here most of the time (I will be out of town and offline the first 10 days in March). Others on the list are also experienced and caring, and I'm sure that whoever is here will be glad to send energy and support and you move more fully in into peace, love, and joy. I will send the energies of peace and love as best I can. -- ------------------------------ Joel P. Bowman, Ph.D. Email: joel.bowman Department of Business Information Systems Western Michigan University http://www.hcob.wmich.edu/~bowman ------------------------------ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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