Forgiveness HUH- What is it Good For?

[Guest guest]

" Not to forgive is to be imprisoned by the past, by old grievances

that do not permit life to proceed with new business. Not to forgive

is to yield oneself to another's control...to be locked into a

sequence of act and response, of outrage and revenge, tit for tat,

escalating always. The present is endlessly overwhelmed and devoured

by the past. Forgiveness frees the forgiver. It extracts the forgiver

from someone else's nightmare. "

Lance Morrow-article, Time Magazine, January 9, 1984

 

 

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Forgiveness. . . What's it for?

Larry James

 

LoveNote. . . If we really want to love, we must learn how to

forgive. - Mother Theresa

 

Forgiveness works! It is often difficult, AND it works!

 

We often think of forgiveness as something that someone who has done

us wrong must ask of US. There is always another way of looking at

something. My thoughts on forgiveness suggest that you focus on

offering forgiveness TO the person who has wronged you. To not

forgive them is like taking the poison (continuing to suffer for what

they did or didn't do to you) and expecting THEM to die!

 

Someone once said, " To err is human, to forgive is Divine. " Believe

it!

 

Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you

do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply

identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: " Am I willing

to waste my energy further on this matter? " If the answer is " No, "

then that's it! All is forgiven.

 

Forgiveness is an act of the imagination. It dares you to imagine a

better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your

hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to

give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe

in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you

can survive the pain and grow from it.

 

Telling someone is a bonus! It is not necessary for forgiveness to

begin the process that heals the hurt.

 

Choice is always present in forgiveness. You do not have to forgive

AND there are consequences. Refusing to forgive by holding on to the

anger, resentment and a sense of betrayal can make your own life

miserable. A vindictive mind-set creates bitterness and lets the

betrayer claim one more victim.

 

There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven. Nothing!

 

Some will argue that in the case of child abuse, the Holocaust, etc,

the abuser has no " right " to forgiveness -- such blessings can only

be earned -- that forgiveness only leads to further victimization.

Such acts are heinous and dispicable and with time (and in many

cases, therapy) they can be forgiven. Every day you may have to

forgive again.s

 

I believe that to withhold forgiveness is to choose to continue to

remain the victim. Remember, you always have choice.

 

When you forgive you do it for you, not for the other. The person you

have never forgiven. . . owns you! How about an affair? Just because

you choose to forgive, does not mean you have to stay in the

relationship. That is only and always your choice. The choice to

forgive is only and always yours.

 

When you feel that forgiveness is necessary, do not forgive for

your " their " sake. Do it for yourself! It would be great if they

would come to you and ask forgiveness but you must accept the fact

that some people will never do that. That is their choice. They do

not NEED to be forgiven. They did what they did and that is it -

except for the consequences, which THEY must live with.

 

The hurts won't heal until you forgive! Recovery from wrongdoing that

produces genuine forgiveness takes time. For some, it may take years.

Don't rush it. It helps to focus your energy on the healing, not the

hurt!

 

HEALTHY love relationships are not possible without forgiveness! You

cannot have a loving and rewarding relationship with anyone else,

much less yourself, if you continue to hold on to things that

happened in the past. Regardless of the situation, making peace with

past love partners, your parents, children, your boss or anyone who

you think may have " done you wrong " is the only way to improve your

chances of a " healthy " relationship with yourself or anyone else for

that matter!

 

It is not possible to truly be present and available to a new

relationship until you heal the hurt and upsets of the past.

 

Forgiving someone else is to agree within yourself to overlook the

wrong they have committed against you and to move on with your life.

It's the only way. It means cutting them some slack.

 

" What? " you say! " Cut them some slack after what THEY did to me?

Never! " Let go! Move on!

 

Non-forgiveness keeps you in the struggle. Being willing to forgive

can bring a sense of peace and well-being. It lifts anxiety and

delivers you from depression. It can enhance your self-esteem and

give you hope.

 

 

LoveNote. . . The things that two people in love do to each other

they remember. And if they stay together, it is not because they

forget, it is because they forgive. - From the movie, Indecent

Proposal

 

Forgive and forget is a myth. You may never forget AND you can choose

to forgive. As life goes on and you remember, then is the time to

once again remember that you have already forgiven. Mentally forgive

again if necessary, then move forward. When we allow it, time can

dull the vividness of the memory of the hurt; the memory will fade.

 

Forgiveness is a creative act that changes us from prisoners of the

past to liberated people at peace with our memories. It is not

forgetfulness, but it involves accepting the promise that the future

can be more than dwelling on memories of past injury.

 

There is no future in the past. You can never live in the present and

create a new and exciting future for yourself and your love partner

if you always stay stuck in the past.

 

If you are at war with others you cannot be at peace with yourself.

You CAN let go. . . and forgive! It takes no strength to let go. . .

only courage. Life either expands or contracts in direct proportion

to your courage to forgive. Your choice to forgive or not to forgive

either moves you closer to what you desire or further away from it.

There is no middle ground. Change is constant.

 

Want peace of mind? Forgive. The same energy you use to hold on (to

not forgive), is the same energy you need to create a new and

exciting relationship TOGETHER; a relationship anchored in

unconditional love.

 

Forgiveness helps you move forward. No one benefits from forgiveness

more than the one who forgives!

 

Give yourself the gift of forgiveness. The very word forgiveness is

built on the root word give. Forgiveness releases your partner from

your criticism and also releases you from being imprisoned by your

own negative judgments. It is not surrender, but a conscious decision

to cease to harbor resentment. In affect, it takes the poison our of

your body. It cleanses your system of the poison that will surely

fester and cause illness and continued misery if not released. You

cannot take the poison and expect someone else to die. They will go

on with their life and you will be the only one to continue to

suffer.

 

Forgiveness is the key to your own happiness. Forgiving someone else

takes moral courage. It ends the illusion of separation, and its

power can change misery into happiness in an instant. Forgiveness

means choosing to let go, move on, and favor the positive.

 

Forgiveness is a form of love within the context of a personal

crisis. To forgive is, in a sense, to love one's enemy. When

forgiveness is given because you think you should, it no longer is

forgiveness but an act of self- interest.

 

Robert Enright, a developmental psychologist at the University of

Wisconsin defines forgiveness as " giving up the resentment to which

you are entitled and offering to the person who hurt you friendlier

attitudes to which they are not entitled. " Research has shown that

people who are deeply and unjustly hurt by others can heal

emotionally and, in some cases, physically by forgiving their

offender.

 

Forgiveness breaks the cycle of hatred, resentment, anger and pain

that is often passed on to those around you.

 

Forgiveness. What it's for? It creates the freedom to create a new

future beginning now!

 

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A Sermon on Forgiving

FORGIVE AND REMEMBER!

 

Rev. Dr. Douglas K. Showalter, United Church of Christ, Copyright

1996

 

Scripture: Luke 15:11-32

http://www.vsn.cape.com/~dougshow/webdoc6.htm

 

 

The International Forgiveness Institute

Is a non-profit, tax exempt educational foundation dedicated to the

establishment of the first global holiday, International Forgiveness

Day, to be celebrated on the first Sunday of every August.

http://www.forgivenessday.org/

 

I went to the International Forgiveness Day Festival in San Franciso

a couple of years ago. I was quite and expirience. They have it

every year. I hope to go again sometime.

 

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A Campaign for Forgiveness Research

An effort to support 60 different research projects on the power of

forgiveness and reconciliation

http://www.forgiving.org/

 

Coventry University : Centre for Study of Forgiveness and

Reconciliation

A centre of research, teaching and related activities which will

contribute to the deeper understanding and promotion of processes of

reconciliation and forgiveness throughout the world.

http://www.coventry-isl.org.uk/forgive/

 

Forgiveness for Addiction Treatment Project

This site provides literature and links to support a grant funded

scientific study of the effects of two professionally

delivered 'forgiveness' interventions upon the health and well-being

of people seeking healing from the 'cancer of bitterness'

http://www.psyc.leeds.ac.uk/research/hlth/farp/

 

FORGIVENESS FORUM

Take any online courses from the LearnWell Forgiveness Center for fun

(free) or for an approved RN or MFCC 3 CE hours (0.3 CEUs) Continuing

Education certificate. No registration is required.

http://www.forgiver.net/

 

 

 

 

 

 

, bluemoon <bluemoon@c...> wrote:

> Like all things worth attaining you need to practice, ackowledge

your mistakes, forgive them and practice some more.

>

> Love and Light, Ninox

>

>

> _______

> This email was scanned for known viruses

> by the Celestial Enterprises mail server.

[Guest guest]

A good place to mention TAT again... if you are familiar with it (and

other meridian therapies for releasing false information patterns)

then you know the value of the practice. If you are not, you may be

interested in researching it more.

 

I still have the TAT procedure (and pictures of the pose) up at

http://www.geocities.com/nrgbalance/tat.html and there are several

files in the shared files area (EFT, a Compassion Exercise, TAT and

others) that are a good place to begin your search for freedom from

the slavery of resentment and guilt. Neither of these things serve

us, and as has been noted, forgiveness is for giving ourselves, it is

above and beyond our feeling of rightness/wrongness or good/bad;

forgiveness is the acknowledgement that we are all beings of light,

and that we can let go of victimization, even self victimization.

 

It is important to realize that forgiveness is not condoning action,

and that all actions require energetic compensation for balance on

some level. But we are not in a position to decide what that balance,

or that compensation, should be, and we should be content with the

understanding that there is a larger plan at work than we are capable

of grasping at our level of comprehension.

 

I believe that many people need to consider doing grief work before

they are capable of doing forgiveness work; anger and denial are

potent blocks to forgiveness.

 

Learning forgiveness is also a good place for beginning to learn the

difference between boundaries and walls, as well. While a healthy

system has good boundaries that filter input and output, an unhealthy

system leaks, admits too much, or walls itself in. Be " semi-

permeable " and selective in your choices of the company you keep, the

environments you spend time in, and the relationships you develop.

 

Forgiving someone doesn't have to be " witnessed " , and it is not an

excuse for repeat behavior (one of the major issues I have with

Catholic 'confession'). As the Irish say, fool me once, shame on you,

fool me twice, shame on me ;-) But we can be " as wise as serpents and

as gentle as doves " in our dealings with others and avoid being taken

advantage of while at the same time allowing room for kindness and

compassion.

 

 

Blessings,

Crow