don't mess with me.

[Guest guest]

Hi Ninox

as much as i recall you are a rabbit/cat?

was your mother bor on 1950 or 1962?

I also have a rabbit daughter. i try to fight her battles and teach her how

to fight - but suprisingly i see that she is teaching me how to avoid fights

or at least avoid unnecessary fights.

 

how do you react now when you encounter bullying people?

How is your mother now? is she more relaxed or still impulsive? did she

learn to distinguish and pick the one important fight?

I often feel i pick unnecessary fights , may be it is an inner drive to

fight as a practice. not to forget skills. but it may come also out of foggy

goals.

 

my last fight for that unprivledged teacher has still not finished:

she calls me every day and share with me her agonies with the bullying

principal. since that speech she suufers more from her collegues. this

created a lot of jealousy and fear,. suddenly after years of quite

suffering, absorbing all the hits - she exposed her " teeth " . and it was a

SURPRISE FOR THEM ALL (an important element in any fight), they never

expected

that she would be praised like this . most of them are flattering the

principal and they felt jealous,

but: something we did achieve: she'll not be fired!

see? there are times you must go to the front and fight. no other way.

the solution is not complete yet. I wish i could persuade her to move on and

leave the negative environment of this school. but she can not do this yet.

emotionally., she'll feel a sucker.

so : she maintained her job but now what? I told her that whenever somebody

tries to pick on her in school, she MUST

jump and show teeth. immediately! never wait for the next shoe. but she is

such a gentle creature and has a quiet slow temper. this would not work for

her. we are different.

so what i am asking you ninox and all is for sharing methods to confront

bullies. for being assertive. for radiating a clear message: " don't mess

with me! " :-)

 

something i learned about rabbits/cats just by observing them:

they are usually quite and flexible and adaptive and gentle and avoiding

battles at any cost. but when someone pushes too much and smash what they

care for deeply (credos , beliefs , principals) - then : SURPRiSE !!! they

act exactly like tigers. they become bold fighters. it's like tjhe chinese

use to say:

" be cautions: when you push a hare to the corner - it becomes a tiger " :-)

 

blessings

Anat

[Guest guest]

Hi Anat and Everyone,

 

This thread is really making me think.... about conflicts

and discord. .....about how much there is of it in this

life and wondering how much of it is necessary. There

are so many aspects to it (aren't there always for us

Libras, huh Crow?

I agree about needing a certain amount of 'don't

mess with me'. That attitude and the actions that stem

from it was severely lacking in my own life for many

years and it hurt my life a lot. I thought I was doing the

right thing. But now I can see that it tied in with my not

setting boundaries for myself. I started realizing that it's

not that I have a problem with saying 'no'. It's *who*

I was choosing to say no to. It was always no to me,

not to the other person. So I think of it now as, who am

I going to say 'yes' to? That makes it a whole lot easier.

And it's not always to me. I wouldn't feel comfortable

doing that.

I think the bottom line is, we are all different people

with different needs, perceptions, values and styles.

And when those things or our needs bump up against

another person's, and we feel we stand to lose something

for it, that's when the conflicts happen. So in that

case, they are inevitable.

It's just 2 sides that are battling. And the more that

the person (business/country etc) stands to lose, the

more potential for the depth and length of fighting.

I don't want conflicts in my life. I have come to

see it more as - each person is asserting their needs.

That idea helps me to think of it more as a negotiation.

I know that not everyone is willing to negotiate. But

sometimes, possibly in the case with this principal, you

can make it happen before they even know that it is.

You can set the environment and facilitate a negotiation

that works for everyone. That is true power, IMO.

That is truly not allowing anyone to mess with me. Because

the discord is just not something I want in my life.

 

Linda

 

http://www.DrNature.net

 

 

pine wrote:

 

> how do you react now when you encounter bullying people?

> How is your mother now? is she more relaxed or still impulsive? did she

> learn to distinguish and pick the one important fight?

> I often feel i pick unnecessary fights , may be it is an inner drive to

> fight as a practice. not to forget skills. but it may come also out of foggy

> goals.

>

> my last fight for that unprivledged teacher has still not finished:

> she calls me every day and share with me her agonies with the bullying

> principal. since that speech she suufers more from her collegues. this

> created a lot of jealousy and fear,. suddenly after years of quite

> suffering, absorbing all the hits - she exposed her " teeth " . and it was a

> SURPRISE FOR THEM ALL (an important element in any fight), they never

> expected

> that she would be praised like this . most of them are flattering the

> principal and they felt jealous,

> but: something we did achieve: she'll not be fired!

> see? there are times you must go to the front and fight. no other way.

> the solution is not complete yet. I wish i could persuade her to move on and

> leave the negative environment of this school. but she can not do this yet.

> emotionally., she'll feel a sucker.

> so : she maintained her job but now what? I told her that whenever somebody

> tries to pick on her in school, she MUST

> jump and show teeth. immediately! never wait for the next shoe. but she is

> such a gentle creature and has a quiet slow temper. this would not work for

> her. we are different.

> so what i am asking you ninox and all is for sharing methods to confront

> bullies. for being assertive. for radiating a clear message: " don't mess

> with me! " :-)

>

> something i learned about rabbits/cats just by observing them:

> they are usually quite and flexible and adaptive and gentle and avoiding

> battles at any cost. but when someone pushes too much and smash what they

> care for deeply (credos , beliefs , principals) - then : SURPRiSE !!! they

> act exactly like tigers. they become bold fighters. it's like tjhe chinese

> use to say:

> " be cautions: when you push a hare to the corner - it becomes a tiger " :-)

>

> blessings

> Anat