changes

[Guest guest]

I'm back. I lasted 23 days all raw and with raw mind I entered a

communal setting where cooked and cooking food was part of the

atmosphere... for a few days i smelled everything and happily kept

walking, actually fasting until eating a salad one day... oh i

remember now... it was in preperation for " mexican day " that the

kitchen staff had an entire box of avocados... like 30 pounds...

ripe... and there i was fasting! and by then I was not reacting well

even to raw foods and fasting was the easiest way for me to maintain

my mana, my personal power, my peace, my independence and aura of

integrity. I was staying away from all food... the box of califlour

passed by me and called to me... this was one raw food i had not

eaten during the massive raw action and i wondered what it would feel

like to sit down and eat as much califlour as i could stand... to

become one with the califlour... oh how i wanted it and oh how i

fantasized... but lo and behold, I was fasting... even the

occassional small cup of green tea was slightly compromising and so i

was minimizing all food/beverage intake. to make matters more

astounding, i was in a retreat where we take vows of renunciation! I

was living on the donation of others and this factor figured in to

prevent me from taking food in large quantities or from eating more

than my share of something... i was unable to take massive raw

action... a nonconformist by birth, by necessity, by interplenetary

connections, by ingenuity, originality, high chi... an american

female raised in the northeast in an athiestic/catholic combination

mentality supported by educationism/ televisionism and mental health

systemism (profesors and doctors are the gods of the post catholic

athiest), was given female hormones at age 14 so i would fatten up

and have " regular periods! " by an obese gyn!!! an utter comedy i

assure you!!!

" where the hell am I??? " my venusian mentality was awestruck by the

bizarre contradictions, the parody that was daily life!

so, a nonconformist by necessity must find a way to be in harmony

with the groups of associates... so, don't eat differently, don't eat

at all and don't make a big deal out of it.

right!

ideally, yes! i had fasted successfully for up to a week on very

little water even, relishing the independence from feeding and

eliminating, thankful for my expanded consciousness, for this

opportunity to be in the world with confidence and inner power, less

guilt, less obligation... all this stuff i had read over the years,

new age advice, chanelled books from the light beings or pleiadians

or whatever name they took on or were given! whatevers... all of that

started to be rememebred. it was not all that far from what i began

to experience.

no more apologizing! no more regretting! it is not a sin to be alive!

" Man is inherently a sinner " provides on with a foundation of self-

doubt, cynicism, suspicion, paranoia, doubt about others: assuming

their worst possible characteristics... ASSuming beastliness in our

fellows... assuming all people are inately sinful, evil... well, this

surely sets one up for trouble! it's like a painting a picture black.

it's black so you can't see it as white! it kills motivation/

optimism, positive action... and fosters, " why bother? "

so, i had a salad... then some other things looked appealing so i ate

them... then more and more i ate cooked food until by the end of this

11 day communal living i was pounding vegan cookies and ate an entire

can of whipped cream (because it was left over...)

this posting will have it's ups and downs. i quit this list once i

resumed eating cooked food and spaced the raw diet entirely, never

quite could resume that raw action mind, and i quit all fasting

groups and stopped raoming around the raw sites.

then today i looked this up again to reconnect... i (k)new there was

something in the postings here... and it was my willingness to

express myself... to go for it... i found in my postings here my

original voice. original voice is the awareness of the present

moments as perpetual newness with the flavor of inner knewness,

awareness, remembering that it's OK to be me, essential even.

slowly but somehow surely i got back into diet sado!!! it was the

diet coke with splenda that first tempted me. i started drinking

beverages with splenda daily, until that became an addiction lwith

the occassional aspartime diet sodas. i did a no sugar diet for days

at a time. i had a few high protien days, experimented with quinoa

and beans. ended up buying some agave nectar which i eased back into

my life by putting it in tea. then i binged on sugar. can't eat as

much as i once did. stomach has shrunk. started riding my bike in

mass quantities and this transformed by physical body, adding

strength and streamlining the hips a little, giving some more

confidence to the way i carry myself, stopped wearing hats and

sunglasses so much ... and whatevers... took a job delivering

standard food in a combination working class/ elite resorts and

hotels neighborhoods on the island (between coffee field workers in

Ele'ele to the hyatt regency in poi pu). believe it or not, this is a

job that i found something... learned a new language... have to rise

above the food, the craziness... or go on vaction, or be too high to

be effected. i hadn't worked in a normal job in like 14 years! i was

an undercover agent! i like it. i rented a space and have been here

for a long time now, roomate took off to mainland and i am feeding

her bunnys! and trust me, they eat like rabbits! (they love carrots),

accumulated a computer (which has consumed me, fascinated me and

allured me like a temptation beyond the beyond, an utter endless

stream of worlds to explore at my finger tips).

where is this leading me? away from diet sado. it is a terrifying

tempter... how to stop. it fills my cells with toxins only to leave

them withered and hungry for a few hours afterwards...

everything changes.

it is incredible how true this is.

my roaming days are supplanted by staying home with computer,

meditating, feeding bunnys...

i have to say i no longer have the raw mind. i do not have even a

glimpse of it right now and am entertaining thoughts of pastries.

i recently fasted and through the bike riding, strengthed my kidneys

and adrenals.

addressing the physical can be very grounding and empowering.

then there is the reality that everything i do is in the past the

very next moment, though it leaves an impression, a tendancy, forming

habitual behaviors, automatic responses beased on certain stimuli

that defy original mind which is fresh new spontaneous, beyond

clarity it needs no speculation/ second thinking/ evealuation... it

is here now and gone now and here and now gone

[Guest guest]

Molly,

So good to have you post again; hearing of your roamings is refreshing, thought-provoking.

TimMolly OKeeffe <mollyokeeffe2001 wrote:

 

I'm back. I lasted 23 days all raw and with raw mind I entered a communal setting where cooked and cooking food was part of the atmosphere... for a few days i smelled everything and happily kept walking, actually fasting until eating a salad one day... oh i remember now... it was in preperation for "mexican day" that the kitchen staff had an entire box of avocados... like 30 pounds... ripe... and there i was fasting! and by then I was not reacting well even to raw foods and fasting was the easiest way for me to maintain my mana, my personal power, my peace, my independence and aura of integrity. I was staying away from all food... the box of califlour passed by me and called to me... this was one raw food i had not eaten during the massive raw action and i wondered what it would feel like to sit down and eat as much califlour as i could stand... to become one with the califlour... oh how i wanted it and oh how i fantasized...

but lo and behold, I was fasting... even the occassional small cup of green tea was slightly compromising and so i was minimizing all food/beverage intake. to make matters more astounding, i was in a retreat where we take vows of renunciation! I was living on the donation of others and this factor figured in to prevent me from taking food in large quantities or from eating more than my share of something... i was unable to take massive raw action... a nonconformist by birth, by necessity, by interplenetary connections, by ingenuity, originality, high chi... an american female raised in the northeast in an athiestic/catholic combination mentality supported by educationism/ televisionism and mental health systemism (profesors and doctors are the gods of the post catholic athiest), was given female hormones at age 14 so i would fatten up and have "regular periods!" by an obese gyn!!! an utter comedy i assure you!!! "where the

hell am I???" my venusian mentality was awestruck by the bizarre contradictions, the parody that was daily life!so, a nonconformist by necessity must find a way to be in harmony with the groups of associates... so, don't eat differently, don't eat at all and don't make a big deal out of it.right!ideally, yes! i had fasted successfully for up to a week on very little water even, relishing the independence from feeding and eliminating, thankful for my expanded consciousness, for this opportunity to be in the world with confidence and inner power, less guilt, less obligation... all this stuff i had read over the years, new age advice, chanelled books from the light beings or pleiadians or whatever name they took on or were given! whatevers... all of that started to be rememebred. it was not all that far from what i began to experience.no more apologizing! no more regretting! it is not a sin to be alive! "Man is inherently

a sinner" provides on with a foundation of self-doubt, cynicism, suspicion, paranoia, doubt about others: assuming their worst possible characteristics... ASSuming beastliness in our fellows... assuming all people are inately sinful, evil... well, this surely sets one up for trouble! it's like a painting a picture black. it's black so you can't see it as white! it kills motivation/ optimism, positive action... and fosters, "why bother?"so, i had a salad... then some other things looked appealing so i ate them... then more and more i ate cooked food until by the end of this 11 day communal living i was pounding vegan cookies and ate an entire can of whipped cream (because it was left over...)this posting will have it's ups and downs. i quit this list once i resumed eating cooked food and spaced the raw diet entirely, never quite could resume that raw action mind, and i quit all fasting groups and stopped raoming around the raw

sites.then today i looked this up again to reconnect... i (k)new there was something in the postings here... and it was my willingness to express myself... to go for it... i found in my postings here my original voice. original voice is the awareness of the present moments as perpetual newness with the flavor of inner knewness, awareness, remembering that it's OK to be me, essential even.slowly but somehow surely i got back into diet sado!!! it was the diet coke with splenda that first tempted me. i started drinking beverages with splenda daily, until that became an addiction lwith the occassional aspartime diet sodas. i did a no sugar diet for days at a time. i had a few high protien days, experimented with quinoa and beans. ended up buying some agave nectar which i eased back into my life by putting it in tea. then i binged on sugar. can't eat as much as i once did. stomach has shrunk. started riding my bike in mass

quantities and this transformed by physical body, adding strength and streamlining the hips a little, giving some more confidence to the way i carry myself, stopped wearing hats and sunglasses so much ... and whatevers... took a job delivering standard food in a combination working class/ elite resorts and hotels neighborhoods on the island (between coffee field workers in Ele'ele to the hyatt regency in poi pu). believe it or not, this is a job that i found something... learned a new language... have to rise above the food, the craziness... or go on vaction, or be too high to be effected. i hadn't worked in a normal job in like 14 years! i was an undercover agent! i like it. i rented a space and have been here for a long time now, roomate took off to mainland and i am feeding her bunnys! and trust me, they eat like rabbits! (they love carrots), accumulated a computer (which has consumed me, fascinated me and allured me like a

temptation beyond the beyond, an utter endless stream of worlds to explore at my finger tips).where is this leading me? away from diet sado. it is a terrifying tempter... how to stop. it fills my cells with toxins only to leave them withered and hungry for a few hours afterwards... everything changes.it is incredible how true this is.my roaming days are supplanted by staying home with computer, meditating, feeding bunnys... i have to say i no longer have the raw mind. i do not have even a glimpse of it right now and am entertaining thoughts of pastries.i recently fasted and through the bike riding, strengthed my kidneys and adrenals.addressing the physical can be very grounding and empowering.then there is the reality that everything i do is in the past the very next moment, though it leaves an impression, a tendancy, forming habitual behaviors, automatic responses beased on certain stimuli that defy original mind

which is fresh new spontaneous, beyond clarity it needs no speculation/ second thinking/ evealuation... it is here now and gone now and here and now gone

 

[Guest guest]

It is good to hear from you, have you thought about starting a

blog? If so check out blogger.com, its free, and I would

. You have a unique writing style with depth. Anyway I

just wanted to mention that it is probably good you didn't gorge on

cauliflour. Cauliflour and broccoli are known as cruciferous

vegetables, coming from the word crucify. There fiber structure can

cause pain and bloating, especially in large quantity. Relatively

more difficult to break down. Good luck on your food path, I am

debating doing a 3-month raw trial in August, to see if I achieve a

strong noticable difference. If I get the strength I will keep

y'all posted with my findings.

-Ryan

 

 

 

 

 

, Tim Campbell

<timcall@s...> wrote:

> Molly,

> So good to have you post again; hearing of your roamings is

refreshing, thought-provoking.

> Tim

>

> Molly OKeeffe <mollyokeeffe2001> wrote:

>

> I'm back. I lasted 23 days all raw and with raw mind I entered a

> communal setting where cooked and cooking food was part of the

> atmosphere... for a few days i smelled everything and happily kept

> walking, actually fasting until eating a salad one day... oh i

> remember now... it was in preperation for " mexican day " that the

> kitchen staff had an entire box of avocados... like 30 pounds...

> ripe... and there i was fasting! and by then I was not reacting

well

> even to raw foods and fasting was the easiest way for me to

maintain

> my mana, my personal power, my peace, my independence and aura of

> integrity. I was staying away from all food... the box of

califlour

> passed by me and called to me... this was one raw food i had not

> eaten during the massive raw action and i wondered what it would

feel

> like to sit down and eat as much califlour as i could stand... to

> become one with the califlour... oh how i wanted it and oh how i

> fantasized... but lo and behold, I was fasting... even the

> occassional small cup of green tea was slightly compromising and

so i

> was minimizing all food/beverage intake. to make matters more

> astounding, i was in a retreat where we take vows of renunciation!

I

> was living on the donation of others and this factor figured in to

> prevent me from taking food in large quantities or from eating

more

> than my share of something... i was unable to take massive raw

> action... a nonconformist by birth, by necessity, by

interplenetary

> connections, by ingenuity, originality, high chi... an american

> female raised in the northeast in an athiestic/catholic

combination

> mentality supported by educationism/ televisionism and mental

health

> systemism (profesors and doctors are the gods of the post catholic

> athiest), was given female hormones at age 14 so i would fatten up

> and have " regular periods! " by an obese gyn!!! an utter comedy i

> assure you!!!

> " where the hell am I??? " my venusian mentality was awestruck by

the

> bizarre contradictions, the parody that was daily life!

> so, a nonconformist by necessity must find a way to be in harmony

> with the groups of associates... so, don't eat differently, don't

eat

> at all and don't make a big deal out of it.

> right!

> ideally, yes! i had fasted successfully for up to a week on very

> little water even, relishing the independence from feeding and

> eliminating, thankful for my expanded consciousness, for this

> opportunity to be in the world with confidence and inner power,

less

> guilt, less obligation... all this stuff i had read over the

years,

> new age advice, chanelled books from the light beings or

pleiadians

> or whatever name they took on or were given! whatevers... all of

that

> started to be rememebred. it was not all that far from what i

began

> to experience.

> no more apologizing! no more regretting! it is not a sin to be

alive!

> " Man is inherently a sinner " provides on with a foundation of self-

> doubt, cynicism, suspicion, paranoia, doubt about others: assuming

> their worst possible characteristics... ASSuming beastliness in

our

> fellows... assuming all people are inately sinful, evil... well,

this

> surely sets one up for trouble! it's like a painting a picture

black.

> it's black so you can't see it as white! it kills motivation/

> optimism, positive action... and fosters, " why bother? "

> so, i had a salad... then some other things looked appealing so i

ate

> them... then more and more i ate cooked food until by the end of

this

> 11 day communal living i was pounding vegan cookies and ate an

entire

> can of whipped cream (because it was left over...)

> this posting will have it's ups and downs. i quit this list once i

> resumed eating cooked food and spaced the raw diet entirely, never

> quite could resume that raw action mind, and i quit all fasting

> groups and stopped raoming around the raw sites.

> then today i looked this up again to reconnect... i (k)new there

was

> something in the postings here... and it was my willingness to

> express myself... to go for it... i found in my postings here my

> original voice. original voice is the awareness of the present

> moments as perpetual newness with the flavor of inner knewness,

> awareness, remembering that it's OK to be me, essential even.

> slowly but somehow surely i got back into diet sado!!! it was the

> diet coke with splenda that first tempted me. i started drinking

> beverages with splenda daily, until that became an addiction lwith

> the occassional aspartime diet sodas. i did a no sugar diet for

days

> at a time. i had a few high protien days, experimented with quinoa

> and beans. ended up buying some agave nectar which i eased back

into

> my life by putting it in tea. then i binged on sugar. can't eat as

> much as i once did. stomach has shrunk. started riding my bike in

> mass quantities and this transformed by physical body, adding

> strength and streamlining the hips a little, giving some more

> confidence to the way i carry myself, stopped wearing hats and

> sunglasses so much ... and whatevers... took a job delivering

> standard food in a combination working class/ elite resorts and

> hotels neighborhoods on the island (between coffee field workers

in

> Ele'ele to the hyatt regency in poi pu). believe it or not, this

is a

> job that i found something... learned a new language... have to

rise

> above the food, the craziness... or go on vaction, or be too high

to

> be effected. i hadn't worked in a normal job in like 14 years! i

was

> an undercover agent! i like it. i rented a space and have been

here

> for a long time now, roomate took off to mainland and i am feeding

> her bunnys! and trust me, they eat like rabbits! (they love

carrots),

> accumulated a computer (which has consumed me, fascinated me and

> allured me like a temptation beyond the beyond, an utter endless

> stream of worlds to explore at my finger tips).

> where is this leading me? away from diet sado. it is a terrifying

> tempter... how to stop. it fills my cells with toxins only to

leave

> them withered and hungry for a few hours afterwards...

> everything changes.

> it is incredible how true this is.

> my roaming days are supplanted by staying home with computer,

> meditating, feeding bunnys...

> i have to say i no longer have the raw mind. i do not have even a

> glimpse of it right now and am entertaining thoughts of pastries.

> i recently fasted and through the bike riding, strengthed my

kidneys

> and adrenals.

> addressing the physical can be very grounding and empowering.

> then there is the reality that everything i do is in the past the

> very next moment, though it leaves an impression, a tendancy,

forming

> habitual behaviors, automatic responses beased on certain stimuli

> that defy original mind which is fresh new spontaneous, beyond

> clarity it needs no speculation/ second thinking/ evealuation...

it

> is here now and gone now and here and now gone