Help-male hormones

January 25, 2003

Dear Diana--

I realize this is a very difficult time for you, especially as a

single parent, but, as you say, your boys are going through puberty.

There seems to be a tendency these days to try to calm teenage boys

down using drugs, flower essences, you name it--as though the natural

process of puberty was somehow wrong for their development. Again, I

realize (through experience) that it is difficult as a single parent

to survive this energy, but there is nothing wrong with the energy

itself--at least within certain limits. It is part of growing up.

Most teenage boys have never been and never will be docile, at least

not without medications. And if they are docile I would be worried.

A single mom raising two teenage boys is at a disadvantage, but that

does not mean that the boys should be drugged or calmed down using

external means to keep the mom calm or happy. Clearly, you need

support--either the support of another male adult (a role model) in

your family or of adult friends, or of the community. I realize that

this may be " politically incorrect " to say, but it is true. You may

also need the support of a practice for yourself that can help you

stay calm in the middle of all of this. Perhaps you should look into

qigong, tai chi, breathing practices, or meditation. If you can stay

calm and deal with your stress this will have a huge influence on

your boys. Both boys and girls learn in a variety of ways, but one of

the most important is by example.

Of course, there are other issues. Diet, for example. If your teenage

boys are getting too many carbs and too much sugar--drinking a lot of

soft drinks, eating a lot of sweets, not getting enough protein, this

will excacerbate the situation. So choosing your diet more carefully

(if you are not already doing so) may be a help. Teengage boys are

difficult enough without the added problems caused by overconsumption

of sugar, etc. Make sure they are also getting plenty of omega-3

fatty acids. A good form is pharmaceutical-grade fish oil.

Clearly, they also need to find creative ways to use their energy.

Are they involved in sports programs of any kind? One thing that

might help is to get them into some kind of martial arts program, led

by a sensitive, top-notch teacher who can also help foster discipline

in them. There are obviously many other activities that could be

helpful here, and a lot will depend on what's nearby you eith in the

school or community.

Well, I know you are facing a very difficut situation, but if you can

look at it as an opportunity for you all to learn and grow I think it

will be far more useful than simply trying a way to reduce or dampen

their energy. Their energy needs to be used, not repressed--and if it

isn't used creatively and constructively it will creat havoc for

everyone around them.

With my best wishes,

Dennis Lewis

http://www.authentic-breathing.com

, " diana <dsavage@g...> "

<dsavage@g...> wrote:

> Hi, I have been lurking on this group for a while and enjoy it very

> much. Today I need help. I am a single mom-head of household with

> male teens. I am sick with stress over how impossible it is to deal

> with teens and can almost see the insanity coming. My boys are

going

> through puberty naturally and I am getting desparate to find

> something to calm them down. There are cyles that they go through,

> almost like the female cycle. Pimples get ferocious with an

attitude

> to match then KAPOWIE they are reading to kill each other after a

few

> days, then everything calms down again for a while. They gather

> energy then we repeat the cycle all over again. Remember Hulk, the

> guy that turns into a green monster? Well, I got two of them at my

> house. We have done the couseling, meds etc....just a waste of

time.

> We are a very passionate family and close, so when the fights

happen,

> they are not fun. Can anyone recomend anything that could help

these

> guys. I am aware of St.Johns Wart, which I have taken on occassion.

> There has to be something, altering diet, herbal remedies etc..Any

> advise would be appreciated-feel free to email me privately if you

> like. I am getting pretty close to visiting the funny farm over

this.

> Thank you,

> Diana

January 27, 2003

Dennis,

So much to respond to. I agree totally With kids being put on drugs. The name trouble is with the other one. I have resisted and not made many friends for my views on medications and kids. I was a believer for a while that kids were better of with one sane parent than two insane parents. They defiantly need a role model, a male role model, I agree with you.

Both have 9 years Japanese training in 2 different styles of Marital Arts, shotokan and Yoshuki, hope I spelled that right. 1st que in each. The older one quite before Black belt testing, the younger one will hopefully test next month if he is ready. I have been in and out of class for years. Raised after school at the Boys and Girls clubs. I work a standards daily job. Luckily I am able to support them. Both have great eating habits.My older makes bad decisions that have had some very bad repercussions from me and the siblings, not to mention what he is doing to himself. Again, this is centered around the 16 yr old. I was literally pulling 3 kids apart last night. I am desperately trying to understand he is going through a hard time and TRYING to be patient. He has to grow out of this.

I do not want to see him end up in jail which is were he is heading if he cant cool his jets. He has to respect( at least in front of my face) my home and not hurt me, our home or our family. I think that is reasonable.

I have realized that he has chosen a path and will have to work his way out of it. I can only control my reaction Which is why I asked about an alternative med, more for me than him. I cant medicate him but I can find something for myself and yes, I just took up yoga =)

Life is hard right now. I remember what I was like at that age, he is doing better than I was. It is just pure insanity to live this way.

I respect your views very much and agree. Hopefully I will get a grip on this, things cant get much worse. I guess when I made this post I was pretty stressed.

Thanks so much,

Diana

A single mom raising two teenage boys is at a disadvantage, but that does not mean that the boys should be drugged or calmed down using external means to keep the mom calm or happy. Clearly, you need support--either the support of another male adult (a role model) in your family or of adult friends, or of the community. I realize that this may be "politically incorrect" to say, but it is true. You may also need the support of a practice for yourself that can help you stay calm in the middle of all of this. Perhaps you should look into qigong, tai chi, breathing practices, or meditation. If you can stay calm and deal with your stress this will have a huge influence on your boys. Both boys and girls learn in a variety of ways, but one of the most important is by example.Of course, there are other issues. Diet, for example. If your teenage boys are getting too many carbs and too much sugar--drinking a lot of soft drinks, eating a lot of sweets, not getting enough protein, this will excacerbate the situation. So choosing your diet more carefully (if you are not already doing so) may be a help. Teengage boys are difficult enough without the added problems caused by overconsumption of sugar, etc. Make sure they are also getting plenty of omega-3 fatty acids. A good form is pharmaceutical-grade fish oil.Clearly, they also need to find creative ways to use their energy. Are they involved in sports programs of any kind? One thing that might help is to get them into some kind of martial arts program, led by a sensitive, top-notch teacher who can also help foster discipline in them. There are obviously many other activities that could be helpful here, and a lot will depend on what's nearby you eith in the school or community.Well, I know you are facing a very difficut situation, but if you can look at it as an opportunity for you all to learn and grow I think it will be far more useful than simply trying a way to reduce or dampen their energy. Their energy needs to be used, not repressed--and if it isn't used creatively and constructively it will creat havoc for everyone around them.With my best wishes,Dennis Lewishttp://www.authentic-breathing.com

January 27, 2003

Dennis,

I only have a few comments to this post, as you weren't really talking

to me, but here goes anyway...

Flower remedies/essence's are not drugs. Far from it. I too am against

putting children on drugs (I don't even vaccinate my child, ya know?) --

The school wants my nephew on Ritalin but thank goodness my brother is

totally against it! I would freak if they put him on that! -- and I

would never ever suggest someone put their child on drugs or

pharmaceuticals. Flower remedies are not " drugs " and no matter how

natural what someone is going through, the right remedy can and will

help. Not change the behavior in some drugged way, but to assist the

person in being a total person and the best they can be. They do not

change someone's personality or subdue/repress them in drug-like ways.

Rather they heal body and soul vibrationally, and support the spirit and

the best inside of everyone... Being a teenager is very hard - it's

hard on the teen and on everyone around them - and flower remedies are

the perfect support for that situation. Alot of long term attitudes,

problems, soul fragmentation, etc... can happen during the teenaged

years - if the situations and problems are badly managed and if feelings

and emotions are repressed or acted out badly. Flower remedies could

give those boys healthy ways to express themselves and deal with all the

changes their bodies are going though. I know it would of saved me

years and years of adult self-work if I had had flower remedies when I

was younger - lol! ;-)

Secondly, not everyone has a choice about how many parents they have.

It is unfair to say to a single mom that she " needs " a dad for her kids

or to imply that a single mom can't do a good job raising children on

her own. Life throws us curve balls sometimes ya know? I'm positive

that most of the single moms out in the world today didn't did they plan

it and did not want it that way, ya know? Sometimes a person has no

choice at all OR being a single parent is the only choice that protects

the children and mother from harm. My daughter and I both wish she had

a loving father but the hard reality is that she doesn't have one and

more than likely isn't gonna get one anytime soon. I can't help that

and I doubt Diana can either. In my case, I am just thankful that my

daughters father leaves us alone because that means I am assured she

will not be beaten and abused by him. There are worse things that not

having a father figure - sometimes having one is worse.

Peace,

Mouse

" Dennis Lewis " wrote:

>

> Dear Diana--

>

> I realize this is a very difficult time for you, especially as a

> single parent, but, as you say, your boys are going through puberty.

> There seems to be a tendency these days to try to calm teenage boys

> down using drugs, flower essences, you name it--as though the natural

> process of puberty was somehow wrong for their development. Again, I

> realize (through experience) that it is difficult as a single parent

> to survive this energy, but there is nothing wrong with the energy

> itself--at least within certain limits. It is part of growing up.

> Most teenage boys have never been and never will be docile, at least

> not without medications. And if they are docile I would be worried.

>

> A single mom raising two teenage boys is at a disadvantage, but that

> does not mean that the boys should be drugged or calmed down using

> external means to keep the mom calm or happy. Clearly, you need

> support--either the support of another male adult (a role model) in

> your family or of adult friends, or of the community. I realize that

> this may be " politically incorrect " to say, but it is true. You may

> also need the support of a practice for yourself that can help you

> stay calm in the middle of all of this. Perhaps you should look into

> qigong, tai chi, breathing practices, or meditation. If you can stay

> calm and deal with your stress this will have a huge influence on

> your boys. Both boys and girls learn in a variety of ways, but one of

> the most important is by example.

>

> Of course, there are other issues. Diet, for example. If your teenage

> boys are getting too many carbs and too much sugar--drinking a lot of

> soft drinks, eating a lot of sweets, not getting enough protein, this

> will excacerbate the situation. So choosing your diet more carefully

> (if you are not already doing so) may be a help. Teengage boys are

> difficult enough without the added problems caused by overconsumption

> of sugar, etc. Make sure they are also getting plenty of omega-3

> fatty acids. A good form is pharmaceutical-grade fish oil.

>

> Clearly, they also need to find creative ways to use their energy.

> Are they involved in sports programs of any kind? One thing that

> might help is to get them into some kind of martial arts program, led

> by a sensitive, top-notch teacher who can also help foster discipline

> in them. There are obviously many other activities that could be

> helpful here, and a lot will depend on what's nearby you eith in the

> school or community.

>

> Well, I know you are facing a very difficut situation, but if you can

> look at it as an opportunity for you all to learn and grow I think it

> will be far more useful than simply trying a way to reduce or dampen

> their energy. Their energy needs to be used, not repressed--and if it

> isn't used creatively and constructively it will creat havoc for

> everyone around them.

>

> With my best wishes,

>

> Dennis Lewis

> http://www.authentic-breathing.com

>

> , " diana <dsavage@g...> "

> <dsavage@g...> wrote:

> > Hi, I have been lurking on this group for a while and enjoy it very

> > much. Today I need help. I am a single mom-head of household with

> > male teens. I am sick with stress over how impossible it is to deal

> > with teens and can almost see the insanity coming. My boys are going

> > through puberty naturally and I am getting desparate to find

> > something to calm them down. There are cyles that they go through,

> > almost like the female cycle. Pimples get ferocious with an attitude

> > to match then KAPOWIE they are reading to kill each other after a few

> > days, then everything calms down again for a while. They gather

> > energy then we repeat the cycle all over again. Remember Hulk, the

> > guy that turns into a green monster? Well, I got two of them at my

> > house. We have done the couseling, meds etc....just a waste of time.

> > We are a very passionate family and close, so when the fights happen,

> > they are not fun. Can anyone recomend anything that could help these

> > guys. I am aware of St.Johns Wart, which I have taken on occassion.

> > There has to be something, altering diet, herbal remedies etc..Any

> > advise would be appreciated-feel free to email me privately if you

> > like. I am getting pretty close to visiting the funny farm over this.

> > Thank you,

> > Diana

>

January 28, 2003

Mouse--

Good points, both.

I wonder, though, how many teenage boys will take flower essences.

Undoubtedly some will, but many probably won't. Anyway, it is surely

worth a try.

I certainly agree with you--who would not?--about the importance of

getting children away from anyone who is abusing them in any way.

That goes without saying. But in many cases people make choices or

are forced to divorce or separate and then do not get together with

another person (many today even decide to have raise children on

their own). While seemingly good for the parent (in the short term,

at least) this may not be good for the children in the long term. As

a part-time single parent I saw first hand the problems that arise

when only one parent is there to help, especially in difficult,

stressful situations. The fact is, it's very difficult being a single

parent and this difficulty influences the children.

On Friday our newspaper (SF Chronicle) had a story titled " One

Parent, Twice the Trouble. " It was based on research done in Sweden

(using the Swedish National Registries) that tracked one million

children for a decade into their middle 20's. " The scientists found

that children with single parents were twice as likely as the others

to develop a psychiatric illness such as severe depression " or other

problems. Very few of us who have been or are single parents want to

admit that we could not (or cannot) handle the situation, but the

fact is that the statistics make it clear that being raised by a

single parent is associated with more problems for the kids. So let's

just admit that--instead of taking the more " politically correct "

approach of saying that it's fine--and then let's look for help

from family, friends, and the community. Boys and girls need role

models, even if they are not always perfect ones. And where, indeed,

are there any perfect role models?

In any case, being a single parent can be very stressful, which then

rubs off on the kids. So it is imperative for those of us who are

single parents to be extremely sensitive to this and to do even more

conscious work on ourselves, so that we can reduce our own inner

agitation and anxiety and live in a more centered and grounded way.

If the flower essences can help with that, great! But it may also

require activities such as meditation or chi kung or tai chi, and so

on.

Mouse, this is obviously a very complex and highly charged problem,

especialy today with more and more single parents. There are no easy

solutions, but these issues do need to be discussed in a realistic

way.

Warm regards,

Dennis

, WildMouse <wildmouse@i...>

wrote:

> Dennis,

>

> I only have a few comments to this post, as you weren't really

talking

> to me, but here goes anyway...

>

> Flower remedies/essence's are not drugs. Far from it. I too am

against

> putting children on drugs (I don't even vaccinate my child, ya

know?) --

> The school wants my nephew on Ritalin but thank goodness my brother

is

> totally against it! I would freak if they put him on that! -- and I

> would never ever suggest someone put their child on drugs or

> pharmaceuticals. Flower remedies are not " drugs " and no matter how

> natural what someone is going through, the right remedy can and will

> help. Not change the behavior in some drugged way, but to assist

the

> person in being a total person and the best they can be. They do

not

> change someone's personality or subdue/repress them in drug-like

ways.

> Rather they heal body and soul vibrationally, and support the

spirit and

> the best inside of everyone... Being a teenager is very hard - it's

> hard on the teen and on everyone around them - and flower remedies

are

> the perfect support for that situation. Alot of long term

attitudes,

> problems, soul fragmentation, etc... can happen during the teenaged

> years - if the situations and problems are badly managed and if

feelings

> and emotions are repressed or acted out badly. Flower remedies

could

> give those boys healthy ways to express themselves and deal with

all the

> changes their bodies are going though. I know it would of saved me

> years and years of adult self-work if I had had flower remedies

when I

> was younger - lol! ;-)

>

> Secondly, not everyone has a choice about how many parents they

have.

> It is unfair to say to a single mom that she " needs " a dad for her

kids

> or to imply that a single mom can't do a good job raising children

on

> her own. Life throws us curve balls sometimes ya know? I'm positive

> that most of the single moms out in the world today didn't did they

plan

> it and did not want it that way, ya know? Sometimes a person has no

> choice at all OR being a single parent is the only choice that

protects

> the children and mother from harm. My daughter and I both wish she

had

> a loving father but the hard reality is that she doesn't have one

and

> more than likely isn't gonna get one anytime soon. I can't help

that

> and I doubt Diana can either. In my case, I am just thankful that

my

> daughters father leaves us alone because that means I am assured she

> will not be beaten and abused by him. There are worse things that

not

> having a father figure - sometimes having one is worse.

>

> Peace,

>

> Mouse

>

> " Dennis Lewis " wrote:

> >

> > Dear Diana--

> >

> > I realize this is a very difficult time for you, especially as a

> > single parent, but, as you say, your boys are going through

puberty.

> > There seems to be a tendency these days to try to calm teenage

boys

> > down using drugs, flower essences, you name it--as though the

natural

> > process of puberty was somehow wrong for their development.

Again, I

> > realize (through experience) that it is difficult as a single

parent

> > to survive this energy, but there is nothing wrong with the energy

> > itself--at least within certain limits. It is part of growing up.

> > Most teenage boys have never been and never will be docile, at

least

> > not without medications. And if they are docile I would be

worried.

> >

> > A single mom raising two teenage boys is at a disadvantage, but

that

> > does not mean that the boys should be drugged or calmed down using

> > external means to keep the mom calm or happy. Clearly, you need

> > support--either the support of another male adult (a role model)

in

> > your family or of adult friends, or of the community. I realize

that

> > this may be " politically incorrect " to say, but it is true. You

may

> > also need the support of a practice for yourself that can help you

> > stay calm in the middle of all of this. Perhaps you should look

into

> > qigong, tai chi, breathing practices, or meditation. If you can

stay

> > calm and deal with your stress this will have a huge influence on

> > your boys. Both boys and girls learn in a variety of ways, but

one of

> > the most important is by example.

> >

> > Of course, there are other issues. Diet, for example. If your

teenage

> > boys are getting too many carbs and too much sugar--drinking a

lot of

> > soft drinks, eating a lot of sweets, not getting enough protein,

this

> > will excacerbate the situation. So choosing your diet more

carefully

> > (if you are not already doing so) may be a help. Teengage boys are

> > difficult enough without the added problems caused by

overconsumption

> > of sugar, etc. Make sure they are also getting plenty of omega-3

> > fatty acids. A good form is pharmaceutical-grade fish oil.

> >

> > Clearly, they also need to find creative ways to use their energy.

> > Are they involved in sports programs of any kind? One thing that

> > might help is to get them into some kind of martial arts program,

led

> > by a sensitive, top-notch teacher who can also help foster

discipline

> > in them. There are obviously many other activities that could be

> > helpful here, and a lot will depend on what's nearby you eith in

the

> > school or community.

> >

> > Well, I know you are facing a very difficut situation, but if you

can

> > look at it as an opportunity for you all to learn and grow I

think it

> > will be far more useful than simply trying a way to reduce or

dampen

> > their energy. Their energy needs to be used, not repressed--and

if it

> > isn't used creatively and constructively it will creat havoc for

> > everyone around them.

> >

> > With my best wishes,

> >

> > Dennis Lewis

> > http://www.authentic-breathing.com

> >

> > , " diana <dsavage@g...> "

> > <dsavage@g...> wrote:

> > > Hi, I have been lurking on this group for a while and enjoy it

very

> > > much. Today I need help. I am a single mom-head of household

with

> > > male teens. I am sick with stress over how impossible it is to

deal

> > > with teens and can almost see the insanity coming. My boys are

going

> > > through puberty naturally and I am getting desparate to find

> > > something to calm them down. There are cyles that they go

through,

> > > almost like the female cycle. Pimples get ferocious with an

attitude

> > > to match then KAPOWIE they are reading to kill each other after

a few

> > > days, then everything calms down again for a while. They gather

> > > energy then we repeat the cycle all over again. Remember Hulk,

the

> > > guy that turns into a green monster? Well, I got two of them at

my

> > > house. We have done the couseling, meds etc....just a waste of

time.

> > > We are a very passionate family and close, so when the fights

happen,

> > > they are not fun. Can anyone recomend anything that could help

these

> > > guys. I am aware of St.Johns Wart, which I have taken on

occassion.

> > > There has to be something, altering diet, herbal remedies

etc..Any

> > > advise would be appreciated-feel free to email me privately if

you

> > > like. I am getting pretty close to visiting the funny farm over

this.

> > > Thank you,

> > > Diana

> >

January 28, 2003

Diana--

Thanks for your heartfelt response. It sounds like you are open to

doing everything that is both healthy and possible. And you're right;

sometimes our kids just have to work through their own issues, and it

usually takes time for this to happen. As parents, we hope that they

will be able to avoid all the problems we had or the pitfalls we see,

and then they seem to discover new ones all by themselves. And it may

even take a night or two in jail for some young people to see that

the path they are on is not the one they really want to be on. Life

is the great teacher, if we would but learn how to listen. I do

believe that as you find greater awareness, calmness, and stillness

in yourself that it will help your children in more ways than you

will know. It may take time to see the results, but they will indeed

come.

With my warmest wishes,

Dennis

, " Diana " <dsavage@g...>

wrote:

> Dennis,

> So much to respond to. I agree totally With kids being put on

drugs. The

> name trouble is with the other one. I have resisted and not made

many

> friends for my views on medications and kids. I was a believer for

a while

> that kids were better of with one sane parent than two insane

parents. They

> defiantly need a role model, a male role model, I agree with you.

> Both have 9 years Japanese training in 2 different styles of

Marital Arts,

> shotokan and Yoshuki, hope I spelled that right. 1st que in each.

The older

> one quite before Black belt testing, the younger one will hopefully

test

> next month if he is ready. I have been in and out of class for

years. Raised

> after school at the Boys and Girls clubs. I work a standards daily

job.

> Luckily I am able to support them. Both have great eating habits.My

older

> makes bad decisions that have had some very bad repercussions from

me and

> the siblings, not to mention what he is doing to himself. Again,

this is

> centered around the 16 yr old. I was literally pulling 3 kids apart

last

> night. I am desperately trying to understand he is going through a

hard time

> and TRYING to be patient. He has to grow out of this.

> I do not want to see him end up in jail which is were he is heading

if he

> cant cool his jets. He has to respect( at least in front of my

face) my home

> and not hurt me, our home or our family. I think that is reasonable.

> I have realized that he has chosen a path and will have to work

his way out

> of it. I can only control my reaction Which is why I asked about an

> alternative med, more for me than him. I cant medicate him but I

can find

> something for myself and yes, I just took up yoga =)

> Life is hard right now. I remember what I was like at that age, he

is doing

> better than I was. It is just pure insanity to live this way.

> I respect your views very much and agree. Hopefully I will get a

grip on

> this, things cant get much worse. I guess when I made this post I

was pretty

> stressed.

> Thanks so much,