HEALTH: Using Essences During the Many Stages of Parenting

January 17, 2003

Understanding Parent – Child Relationships

Using Essences During the Many Stages of Parenting

By Ouapiti Robintree

Parent-child relationships are a difficult issue for many; early

dysfunctional patterns may continue into adulthood and create long-term

familial strife. Many adult children and their parents still have

difficulty loving and appreciating each other’s unique qualities and

viewpoints. This article is designed to be useful for increasing love,

appreciation, and clean communication between parents and offspring at

any stage of life. It includes a thematic list of relevant Hummingbird

Remedies for a number of issues, in hopes that it may help many

families.

In looking at this issue, consider the age and emotional/spiritual

development of the parties; minor children will have less psychological

or spiritual tools for dealing with dysfunctionality than adult

children, and older parents may be more set in their ways and less able

(at least initially) to adapt to changing relationships.

There are three levels to approaching the parent-child paradigm: from

point of view of the parent; the child; and the group soul or Overmind

that integrates the vast orchestra of universal healing.

The parent needs to remember that you entered into a karmic contractual

agreement with the soul who is incarnating as your child. Even if the

details are not now remembered by your personality-self, be assured that

your soul knows and remembers its right relationship to this being. Your

mystery-journey of exploration is to learn to be the best you can to

each other, without imposing limitations of any kind. Even a qualified

success is worth celebrating, and aspiring to, as the rewards are so

great on every level.

The child-soul shares this same soul-view, and is indeed aware on her

deepest levels what is needed to honor the relationship. If she is

walking a conscious path of doing her best, and following her heart,

right relationship can be easily discerned with a combination of

compassion and dispassion.

When there is a karmic relationship that is needed to be played out

together over time, individual lifetimes may look very unbalanced and

hurtful, as you seek new forms to define and express your love for each

other. Rest assured: with right intention, right support and right

relationship, with discernment from soul levels as to one’s greater

story, these challenges can all be faced in love and clarity.

VIBRATIONAL REMEDIES AND PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIPS

There are a number of reasons for difficult parent-child relationships,

ranging from simple disagreements to inappropriate boundaries, to

outright abuse. Some of these are addressed here, in overview.

BIRTH TRAUMA, BONDING, PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY

In infancy, the child is completely helpless and at the mercy of his

caregiver (usually mother). If there is any limitation on the part of

the parent’s ability to be unconditionally present for the baby, there

may be a “kink” or interference in the free flow of love and mutual

acceptance. Remedies for mutual bonding, and development of loving

responsibility on the parent’s part, will be useful here. If the problem

has been present for a number of years, there may be soul-scarring of

the child’s ego; remedies for his self-esteem and ability to find

goodness will be useful.

BIRTH TRAUMA

FLOWERING TOBACCO— Helps re–balance and reorder the psyche after

difficulty or trauma.

YELLOW FOXGLOVE— Dissipates anger; forgive the past.

YELLOW FOXGLOVE BUD— Post-traumatic stress; transforms fossilized

emotion.

BONDING

BACHELOR BUTTON— Aids capacity to receive love, affection; dispels

inappropriate distrust.

CINCO DE MAYO BLEND— Melts barriers that interfere with a free exchange

of love.

PSEUDOSEDUM— Bonding with family, especially for adolescents.

SPANISH NEEDLE— Useful in families to interact harmoniously; brings joy

to living together.

PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY

MEXICAN CREEPER— Healthy expression of loving interest in others.

MONKSHOOD— Change old control paradigms: rigidity, shouting,

threatening, cursing

PICKEREL WEED— Aids discernment: spiritual responsibility vs. societal

or ego pressures.

PINK PROTEA— In interpersonal communication where feelings have become

hardened, brings more compassion and connection.

SHRIMP PLANT-GOLDEN— Create healthy, supportive relationships.

Reexamine, release scarring that interferes with healthy interactions.

VERBENA BONARIENSIS —Release hostility, judgment, hardened attitudes;

less abrasive communication.

WESTERN COLUMBINE— Comprehend and learn from past mistakes.

CHILD’S SELF-ESTEEM, ABILITY TO FIND GOODNESS

ALOE SAPONARIA— Eases interpersonal stress, frustration; brings hope to

situations that seem intolerable.

‘APE— Release fear of doing “wrong,” not living up to others’

expectations.

CAT’S WHISKERS— Lessens self-condemnation; forgive, accept one’s faults

and flaws.

CHERRY— Strengthens positivity to withstand gloom and depression of

others. Appreciate the good in humans without resentment toward their

failings.

DAHLIA— Strengthens self-worth, self-confidence.

DOUGLAS’ CAMPION— Heals emotional residue causing the heart to harden or

shut down.

FLOWERING TOBACCO— Sweet sustenance during trying times; use where one’s

emotional endurance is tested.

KENILWORTH IVY— Self-esteem for those judged harshly by others.

LAPEIROUSIA— Re–lease self-denigration, self-hatred, self-spite.

LOBELIA CARDINALIS— Heal shame-based, family-of-origin issues regarding

self-worth, empowerment. Adjusts attitude towards expectation of

goodness and joy.

MEXICAN CREEPER— Clears fears of abandonment, betrayal, isolation,

intimacy.

PSEUDOSEDUM— Cheerful endurance and tolerance for others. Appreciating

one’s roots, family of origin; allows greater connections with others

central to one’s life.

YACU PIRI-PIRI— Release judgment about “bad” behaviors in self and

others.

YELLOW FOXGLOVE— Dissipates anger; use to forgive the past.

COMMUNICATION, UNDERSTANDING

Even in the face of conditional love (“I’ll love and reward you more if

you’re a good girl,”) a child will usually continue to love her parent;

but by adolescence she may have become quite disillusioned with the

ability to find veracity and authenticity in the relationship, and begin

to act out her frustration as she learns to develop her personal power.

This is when so many parent-child conflicts come to a head, as defined

by the term “adolescent rebellion.” Many parents, when faced with this

stage, lament, “She used to be such a (good/sweet/obedient/etc.) little

girl; now she’s a monster! What happened?” Quite likely, what happened

is the child is fed up with the limitations and irritations of the

relationship, and as she learns to assert herself and her desire for

positive change, she is often not using the optimal times, places,

conditions and choice of words to support this desire to shift in a

healthy way. Remedies for communication and mutual understanding will be

useful here.

COMMUNICATION, MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING

‘APE— Release fear of not living up to others’ expectations. Release

judgment and blame.

ALOE SAPONARIA— Eases frustration from poor communication. Smoothes

irritability, discontent with self or others.

AZALEA— Speak lovingly with power and will. Release fears of being

vulnerable, unable or unwilling to speak.

BLUE FLAX— Release fixations and rigid attitudes that create strife

among family, friends.

BUFFALOBUR— Understand underlying purity of intention in annoying

external behavior.

BUGLE— Clean communication; patience, consideration; refine ranting,

nagging, pedantics.

BUSHEL GOURD— Lessens self-righteous behavior.

DAHLIA— Self-confidence; refine the personality to fit the needs of a

given situation.

GLOBE AMARANTH— Builds understanding, commonality of viewpoint between

individuals, to have respect and appreciation for each other.

GROUNDSEL— See another’s point without judgment or manipulation.

INDIANHEAD GINGER— Express softness and caring rather than a tough

external shell. Use when “copping an attitude.”

JACOB’S LADDER— Stimulates familial harmony, honest concern for others’

welfare.

LONGAN— Remain centered when confronted with difficult behaviors in

others.

LYCIANTHES— For adolescent attitudes: rebellious resentment, difficulty

with parent or other authority figures.

MARSH MARIGOLD— In communication, increases verbal and intuitive

understanding.

MEXICAN CREEPER— Healthy expression of loving interest in others.

PINK PROTEA— In interpersonal communication where feelings have become

hardened, brings more compassion and connection.

PSEUDOSEDUM— Cheerful endurance and tolerance for others. Minimizes

difficulties in familial relationships. Allows greater connections with

others.

RED FLAX— Let go petty annoyances, clean up miscommunications; take

responsibility for actions and attitudes in deep relationships.

SAN PEDRO CACTUS— Find harmony in disparate view–points and realities.

SCARLET PASSIONFLOWER— Frank, honest self-disclosure, developing

bridges.

SHRIMP PLANT-GOLDEN— For parents: conscious communication with children.

SPANISH NEEDLE— Boundary issues related to family; clarify, claim your

own space in a healthy way.

VERBENA BONARIENSIS— Release hostility, judgment, hardened attitudes.

WATTLE— In power issues, remain centered and calm, keep focused on what

one is asking for. Can control tendency to flame into anger over misuse

of power.

YACU PIRI-PIRI— Release judgment about “bad” behaviors in self and

others.

EVOLUTION OF RELATIONSHIPS

In the healthy evolution of a parent-child relationship, as the child

develops maturity and responsibility skills, the parent can then begin

to release control and the need to control. There will inevitably be

rough moments in the changing form, but the underlying love and

connection will remain. Remedies to assist these processes will be

helpful. A list of remedies useful for codependent issues is also

useful.

If, however, due to karmic stories or poor past relationships and low

self-esteem/ family-of-origin issues, either or both of the players get

stuck in negative loops, there are remedies to assist moving through

pain and suffering. These will be useful to varying extents depending on

the severity of damage to the relationship. Each side of the story must

be addressed, with remedies for both players ideal. If only one of the

dyadic paradigm [parent or child] is willing and present for the work,

of course it makes the process more difficult, but healing can be done.

EVOLUTION AND/OR RELEASE OF RELATIONSHIP

ALOE SAPONARIA— Increases forbearance, ability to endure people and

situations that grate on the nerves.

ASPARAGUS— Increases discernment for healthy situations and

relationships. Release self from grip of powerful presences: strong

parental figures, power struggles, etc.

BACHELOR BUTTON— Softens layers of emotional protection, aids capacity

to receive love, affection, and innocence from another. Dispels

inappropriate distrust.

CAT’S WHISKERS— In failed relationships, lessens self-condemnation

stress.

CHERRY— Use in grief, resentment, loss of ability to find goodness;

strengthens positive nature to withstand gloom and depression of others.

CINCO DE MAYO BLEND— Melts barriers that interfere with a free exchange

of love. Unity and humility in group interactions

CLEAVERS— Release attachment. Clear on two levels: have parent unhook

from guilt (see Pickerel Weed); have child release parent of supposed

emotional duties and move on to new experiences.

DOUGLAS’ CAMPION— Heals emotional residue; release sorrow and pain,

understand karmic effects of being inconsiderate of others.

DWARF ONION— Release the need to control or rebel. Tenacity, endurance

in an environment not conducive to one’s inner development.

GINGER—SPICE— Stimulates change in stagnant situations.

GROUNDSEL— Dispassion, self-sufficiency: release need for others’

validations and expectations.

HARDHACK— Release ties that bind while honoring ties that connect, as

individual growth creates differing stages of interaction.

HIERBA DE LA PASTORA— Release old grudges; allows healing and new

growth.

IRIS TENAX— Tenacity, integrity during insult, misunderstanding,

denigration by others.

LONGAN— When confronted with difficult behaviors in others, remain in

one's center.

MEXICAN CREEPER— Healthy expression of loving interest in others.

MONKSHOOD— Change old control paradigms; sacrifice need to dominate,

control. See where one's actions and attitudes have caused harm to those

one loves.

MULBERRY— Release traumas, limitations, conditioning. Specific in

difficult relationships and power issues: abuse, mistrust, betrayal.

PICKEREL WEED— Discernment, detachment around others’ issues.

PITCHER PLANT— Follow one’s gut instinct; figure out the truth in

situations and people’s words and actions.

POTATO— Reassess values, judgments, relationships that may have “hooks.”

REDWOOD— Clarify values and ethics to resist negative influence; stand

strong and free of excess influence from others.

SHEEP SORREL— Untying karmic knots that bind; give away all the pain one

has been holding onto as one’s “right” from being oppressed.

*VERBENA BONARIENSIS— Release hostility, judgment, hardened attitudes.

Those who lead and teach by rigid, over–bearing behavior, shaming and

high expectations, keeping others in fear of retribution, can find less

abrasive methods of communication.

*WATTLE— Withstand negative authority conflicts; speak truth with

strength, remain centered and calm, keep focused on what one is asking

for. Can control tendency to flame into anger over misuse of power; be

polite, not necessarily accommodating.

*YACU PIRI-PIRI— Release judgment about “bad” behaviors in self and

others; embrace all experiences as experiments in consciousness;

YELLOW FOXGLOVE— Dissipates anger; use to forgive the past.

CODEPENDENCE

ASPARAGUS— Assists self-sovereignty, discernment in boundary, power

issues. Release from grip of strong parental figures, power struggles,

etc.

BLUE-EYED GRASS— Separating self from another’s self-destructive

behavior; release, transform unhappy relationships, karmic

entanglements.

CLEAVERS— Release attachment: for those who throw tantrums using guilt,

who tend to have been overindulged regarding ability to manipulate.

DWARF ONION— Release the need to control or rebel against being

controlled.

GINGER—SPICE— Stimulates change in stagnant situations; autonomy

encouraged, with sensitivity to others.

GLORIOSA LILY— Return to self-sovereign balance in relationships.

GROUNDSEL— Dispassion; release the need to control and conform to

others’ expectations.

HARDHACK— Release ties that bind, honor ties that connect; release need

to cling

IRIS TENAX— Tenacity; stand steadfast for what one knows to be true and

honorable.

MEXICAN CREEPER— Healthy expression of loving interest in others.

PICKEREL WEED— Discernment, detachment. Release emotional, psychological

entanglements; understand spiritual responsibility vs. societal or

personal pressures.

POTATO— Reassess values, judgments, relationships that may have been

“hooks.”

REDWOOD— For those overly influenced by others; stand strong, free of

excess influence.

SAN PEDRO CACTUS— Healthy boundaries; useful in power, manipulation from

others.

SHEEP SORREL— Untying karmic knots that bind.

THUNBERGIA— Release patterns of giving away power to make another

comfortable or happy, feeling hindered by others’ expectations.

VERBENA BONARIENSIS — “I release my need to control and conform.”

KARMIC RELATIONSHIPS: DIFFICULT CHILDREN, DIFFICULT PARENTS

[Consider also remedies for clearing past-life relationships.]

ALOE SAPONARIA— Forbearance, ability to endure; smoothes irritability,

discontent with self or others. Brings hope to situations that seem

intolerable.

ASPARAGUS— Discernment, boundary/power issues. Release from grip of

powerful presences: strong parental figures, power struggles in

relationships, etc.

BUSHEL GOURD— Develop moral rectitude, allow others their own versions

thereof. Lessens self-righteous behavior.

CLEAVERS— Release attachment, the need to manipulate: for children who

throw tantrums using guilt; also for “adults” of infantile

self-absorption who put their own needs first.

DOUGLAS’ CAMPION— Understand karmic effects of being inconsiderate of

others. Release sorrow and pain, melt barriers to feeling and

expressing.

DWARF ONION— Tenacity, endurance in an environment not conducive to

one’s inner development; helps “lay low,” nurture inner strength.

EGGPLANT— For infantile self-absorption; understand one’s place and

responsibility in the larger human circle, including repercussions for

others.

HARDHACK— Release grasping tendencies, infantile needs aimed at others.

Release family members as individual growth creates differing stages of

interaction.

HIERBA DE LA PASTORA— Release old grudges, manipulation, expectation.

Sweet acceptance, kindness, mercy; allows healing and new growth.

JACOB’S LADDER— Stimulates familial harmony via activating honest

concern for others’ welfare: use in sibling rivalry, poor parenting.

LAPEIROUSIA— Clears karmic stories that impact one’s ability to love

one–self.

LOBELIA CARDINALIS— Heal shame-based family-of-origin issues regarding

self-worth, empowerment; honor self and lessons learned. Understand

impact of negative shame-based, limitation programming.

LONGAN— Remain centered, respond rather than react to difficult

behaviors in others.

LYCIANTHES— For adolescent attitudes: rebellious resentment, difficulty

with parents, authority figures. Awareness of self-inflicted patterning.

MEXICAN CREEPER— Healthy expression of loving interest in others. Clears

fears of abandonment, betrayal, isolation, intimacy

MONKSHOOD— Change old control paradigms; see where one's actions and

attitudes have caused harm to others.

MULBERRY— Release traumas, limitations, conditioning in difficult

relationships, power issues: abuse, mistrust, betrayal.

PICKEREL WEED— Detachment; release emotional, psychological

entanglements.

PITCHER PLANT— Figure out the truth in situations, and in people’s words

and actions.

RED FLAX— Take responsibility for actions and attitudes in deep

relationships. Release misunderstandings, shift priorities; for the

“next step” in relationship clarification.

REDWOOD— Helps clarify values and ethics; strong and free of excess

influence from others.

SAN PEDRO CACTUS— Boundary issues; useful in power, manipulation where

negativity could be easily taken on from others.

SHEEP SORREL— In hopelessly entangled situations, untying karmic knots

that bind: insight, forgiveness, understanding, release.

SHRIMP PLANT-GOLDEN— Release scarring that interferes with healthy

interactions: e.g., corporal punishment, shame-and-blame, overly or

undersignificating child’s experiences, interference with wholistic

learning process. Look for signs of family dysfunctionality or fear,

inappropriate boredom or frustration, crazy-making ploys from children

or adults.

SHRIMP PLANT—RED— Release abusive behavior; transform, mitigate anger

for clean communication.

VERBENA BONARIENSIS— Release hostility, judgment, hardened attitudes.

WATTLE— Clarity and sanity in power issues. Withstand negative authority

conflicts; speak truth with strength, remain centered and calm; keep

focused on what one is asking for.

WESTERN COLUMBINE— Comprehend and learn from past mistakes. Untangle

from complications brought on by excessive individual will, unconnected

to wisdom.

MOVING THROUGH PAIN AND SUFFERING

‘APE— Release fear of not living up to others’ expectations: judgment

and blame, early programming, authoritarian, patriarchal or

judgment-based belief systems.

ALOE SAPONARIA— Brings hope to situations that seem intolerable.

Increases forbearance, ability to endure.

BLUE-EYED GRASS— Separating from another’s self-destructive behavior;

release, transform unhappy relationships.

CAT’S WHISKERS— Lessens self-condemnation stress.

CHERRY— Appreciate the good in humans without resentment toward their

failings.

DOUGLAS’ CAMPION— Clarity and centering in chronic deep emotional

distress; opens the heart to regain flow of emotions in stagnant

situations, unre–solved grief or sorrow.

FLOWERING TOBACCO— Sweet sustenance, embracing and nurturing during

trying times. Use where one’s endurance is tested.

GINGER—SPICE— Stimulates change in stagnant situations.

HIERBA DE LA PASTORA— Facilitates emotional healing when experiencing

limitation regarding depth of a relationship. Release old grudges; allow

new growth.

'ILIMA-KU-KULA— Contentment, consolation, succor; healing the damaged

psyche from painful relationships painfully ended.

LAPEIROUSIA— Clears karmic stories that impact one’s ability to love

one–self.

LOBELIA CARDINALIS— Self-worth, empowerment; appreciation of self and

lessons learned. Heal shame-based, family-of-origin issues.

LONGAN— Understanding, insight for resolution and change of old patterns

and beliefs.

LYCIANTHES— Clarify goals in healing; difficulty with parents, authority

figures.

MEXICAN CREEPER— Clears relationship fears: abandonment, betrayal,

isolation, intimacy.

MULBERRY— Examine, release traumas, limitations, conditioning. Specific

in difficult relationships and power issues: abuse, mistrust, betrayal.

PICKEREL WEED— Detachment; release emotional, psychological

entanglements.

POTATO— Reassess values, judgments, relationships that may have been

“hooks;” with wisdom and insight, release inappropriate thoughts and

attitudes.

WESTERN COLUMBINE— Shortcut through karmic complications; comprehend and

learn from past mistakes without having to repeat or remain enmeshed.

YACU PIRI-PIRI— Release judgment about “bad” behaviors in self and

others.

YELLOW FOXGLOVE— Dissipates anger inside the inner child; forgive the

past.

IMMORAL/INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR (VIOLENCE, ADDICTIONS,

INCEST/INAPPROPRIATE BOUNDARIES, FAILURE TO PROTECT FROM HARM, ETC.)

‘APE— Release early programming, authoritarian, patriarchal or

judgment-based beliefs.

ASPARAGUS— Discern healthy situations, relationships. Clear unhealthy

influences from childhood: strong parental figures, power struggles;

depression, abandonment, abuse.

BLUE-EYED GRASS— Separate self from another’s self-destructive behavior,

karmic entanglements.

CALADIUM— For sexual offenders: a catalyst to heal, release old

programming. Use consciously with appropriate therapy.

DWARF ONION— Tenacity, endurance in an environment not conducive to

one’s inner development.

EGGPLANT— For those with infantile self-absorption; expands

understanding to include repercussions for others.

FLOWERING TOBACCO— Sweet sustenance, nurturing when one’s endurance is

tested.

HIERBA DE LA PASTORA— Release old grudges, manipulation, expectation. In

abuse, abandonment, loneliness, neglect, brings one closer to love and

harmony.

KENILWORTH IVY— Self-esteem; endure and shine when battered by others’

meanness.

LOBELIA CARDINALIS— Heal shame-based issues, sexual, moral,

psychological: denigration, molestation, family-of-origin issues

regarding self-worth, empowerment.

MINIATURE ROSE— Opens to one’s Guardian Angel influence. For orphans;

abandoned, neglected children; those in extremely dysfunctional

families.

MONKSHOOD— See where one's actions and attitudes have caused harm to

loved ones.

MULBERRY— Clear, release traumas, limitations, conditioning. Specific in

difficult relationships, power issues: abuse, mistrust, betrayal.

PUA KENI-KENI— Angelic protection from habitual negative thought

patterns reinforced by addictive substances and behaviors. Release

aggressions; control rage, strong emotions.

REDWOOD— Clarify values and ethics to stand strong and free, resist

negative influences.

SAN PEDRO CACTUS— Useful in power and manipulation, where negativity

could be easily taken on from others.

SENSITIVE PLANT— For those overwhelmed by others' intensity, psychically

invaded; strength of will, psychic grounding.

SHRIMP PLANT-GOLDEN— Release scarring that interferes with healthy

inter–actions: e.g., corporal punishment, shame and blame, overly or

undersignificating child’s experiences, interference with wholistic

learning processes. Look for signs of family fear, inappropriate boredom

or frustration, crazy-making ploys from children or adults.

SHRIMP PLANT-RED— For violence-prone families: parental responsibilities

clarified and purified. Release abusive behavior; transform, mitigate

anger for clean communication.

TI PLANT— Strengthens auric field to resist psychic invasion, release

strange compulsions and negative attitudes. Use in psychically stressed

environments.

WATTLE— Clarity and sanity to power issues. Withstand negative authority

conflicts; with other remedies, can control tendency to flame into anger

over misuse of power. Useful for adolescents or those with little power:

be polite, not necessarily accommodating.

***

Ouapiti (pronounced Wah-pee-tee) Robintree, producer of Hummingbird

Remedies, is a voracious scholar. She has studied botany and plant

identification, many types of alternative medicine, shamanic and psychic

healing, spiritual development, organic gardening and permaculture, fine

arts, anatomy and physiology and has an encyclopedic mind. As well as

maintaining a private practice in vibrational medicine, Ouapiti travels

and teaches classes and workshops in flower essences. She occasionally

accepts new apprentices. She is currently working on a book about her

adventures with the flower Devas and a repertory of the Hummingbird

Remedies. Community service projects include working with teenagers for

spiritual and moral development, and promotion of organic gardening and

farming. Ouapiti has two grown children, a son and a daughter, of whom

she is inordinately proud. After nearly 20 years in Oregon and Hawaii,

Ouapiti currently resides in Nevada City, California with her husband.

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