DavidIcke: More Humor for Your Health

[Guest guest]

Smile and laugh for the health of it,

Misty L. Trepke

http://health.

 

 

ALL PUNS INTENDED...

http://www.davidicke.com/content/view/5958/48/

 

1. Two antennas met on a roof,

Fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much,

But the reception was excellent.

 

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar.

The bartender says,

" I'll serve you,

But don't start anything. "

 

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar,

And one was a salted.

 

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

 

5. A man walks into a bar

With a slab of asphalt under his arm,

And says:

" A beer please,

And one for the road. "

 

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other:

" Does this taste funny to you? "

 

7. " Doc, I can't stop singing

'The Green, Green Grass of Home. "

" That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome. "

" Is it common? "

" ... Well, It's Not Unusual. "

 

8. Two cows are standing

Next to each other in a field.

Daisy says to Dolly,

" I was artificially Inseminated

This morning. "

" I don't believe you, " says Dolly.

" It's true; no bull! " exclaims Daisy.

 

9. An invisible man marries

An invisible woman.

The kids were nothing

To look at either.

 

10. Deja-Moo:

The feeling that you've heard

This bull before.

 

11. I went to buy some camouflage

Trousers the other day,

But I couldn't find any.

 

12. A man woke up in a hospital

After a serious accident.

He shouted, " Doctor,doctor,

I can't feel my legs! "

The doctor replied,

" I know you can't

I've cut off your arms! "

 

13. I went to a seafood disco

Last week...and pulled a mussel.

 

14. What do you call a fish

With no eyes?

A fsh.

 

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.

The one turns to the other

And says, " Dam! "

 

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak

Were chilly, so they lit a fire

In the craft.

Unsurprisingly it sank,

Proving once again

That you can't have your kayak

And heat it too.

 

17. A group of chess enthusiasts

Checked into a hotel,

And were standing in the lobby

Discussing their recent

Tournament victories.

After about an hour,

The manager came out of the office,

And asked them to disperse.

" But why, " they asked,

As they moved off.

" Because, " he said,

" I can't stand chess-nuts

Boasting in an open foyer. "

 

18. A woman has twins,

And gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt,

And is named " Ahmal. "

The other goes to a family

In Spain; they name him " Juan. "

Years later, Juan sends a picture

Of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture,

She tells her husband

That she wishes she

Also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds,

" They're twins! If you've seen Juan,

You've seen Ahmal. "

 

(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)

 

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know,

Walked barefoot most of the time,

Which produced an impressive set

Of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little,

Which made him rather frail

And with his odd diet,

He suffered from bad breath...

This made him

A super-calloused fragile mystic

Hexed by halitosis.

 

20. And finally,

There was the person

Who sent twenty different puns

To his friends,

With the hope that at least

Ten of the puns

Would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did!