--S-A-- Don't let your child be labelled--THIS IS IMPORTANT!

[Guest guest]

Dear Marian-

 

I am about to go away on a camping trip, and I know Captain

Chemtrails has not responded yet, but I wanted to say something

before I take off for the weekend. If you would kindly indulge me

for this...

 

Acutally, I have heard of cases where the state or other bodies of

authority step in and mandate that a particular allopathic treatment

be given despite the parents opposing such treatment- vehmently.

Mind you this is not the norm, but I think it is a " growing trend " .

 

My other concern is with putting people in a box. For example,

people who experience the likes of Chronic Fatigue or Fibromyalgia-

they are given a label that then boxes them in- feeling like they

can never go beyond that label and back to good health. Having had

Chronic Fatigue for nearly a decade- which led to my experiences

with homeopathy- I know the comfort of having a tag that explains

what is wrong with me- it is not " all in my head " , but I have also

seen close friends in similar positions who don't even seek out

alternatives since they KNOW there is no hope since they have x, y

or z condition. With something like Down's I understand the

magnitude is very different. But is it applicable at all?

 

Also from a homeopathic position we strive very hard to get away

from labels. Give me a moment to explain the rationale. We all

have headaches, but do we really have the same types of headaches?

Some will be on the left side, some on the right, some will drive

you to sleep, others will keep you up at night, some will affect

your vision, others create sick feelings in the stomach, etc. So

what does it mean that we all have headaches when in fact can have

radically different experiences?

 

Another example of a label we think we all relate to: insomnia- what

a common term- but what does that really tell us? Does it mean

trouble going to sleep, or trouble staying asleep, is it because of

anxieties or past greivances we harp on instead or having to pee

repeatedly or raiding the refridgerator. So how can we all say we

have a " xyz " label when in fact we all experience " xyz "

differently?

 

In fact, I am about to go camping with a family that specializes in

Respite care- and from the clients they bring along, I can see that

there are different levels of Down's and CP, etc.

 

My sincerest desire is that people would treat your daughter for who

she is- strengths, weaknesses- everything- rather than prejudge her

for a label that skims the surface of who she truly is...

 

Unfortunately, as you clearly know- the brunt of the task of

educating people will be yours (or the appointed caretakers) if she

is not capable of doing it herself. A very constant and demanding

task in a world where the physically/mentally challenged are almost

looked upon as outcasts- ontop of dealing with their own

limitations. So if in that spirit a label helps her- sure, why not-

but hopefully somewhere she knows she is more than just her label

and she is treated by others as such.

 

Just my .02 cents.

 

Best Wishes,

Misty

www..com

 

 

 

, " Marian & Roy

Spitzer " <spitzerfamily wrote:

>

> Dear Captain Chemtrails:

>

> I am wondering as I read your post what purpose of labeling

offends you.

> Labeling your kids through mental health screening and drugging

them up and

> using shrinks is not the idea in our family of being productive,

but we have

> found psychological evaluations with diagnoses to be mandatory

with kids

> with learning disabilities, handicaps, etc. There is never any

requirement

> to follow advice in order to use the evaluations for

accommodations.

> Labeling does not demand treatment. It is there to avoid

misunderstanding.

>

> For a long time, we believed that all " labeling " was bad because

Bob Domain

> of National Association of Child Development said it was bad. For

years and

> years, we bent over backwards to avoid labeling, which was

possible since we

> homeschooled and at the time none of our kids were in college.

>

> We later learned the hard way that labeling is a necessary kind of

> protection for parents. We learned that the hard way nine years

ago. Our

> second child (out of 8), then 18, had many, many disabilities that

caused

> misunderstanding, most of which she was born with. We had never

labeled

> this daughter despite her handicaps although she had been

evaluated. She

> ended up leaving home with the help of people; she seemed

pathetic, and she

> could not understand when people were helping her and when they

were not.

> She believed bad things were being done to her at home, when this

was not

> so. She never learned to work with her family because there were

always

> people who enabled her, always do-gooders making it easier for her

to live

> " on her own " . Because of her " pathetic " appearance, and the fact

her speech

> easily fell apart, she did not experience consequences for her

actions. Her

> entire appearance was that she needed help. The aid in running

away began

> at church, where we had not informed people of her condition for

fear of

> labeling her.

>

> This daughter has had hand-outs for nine years from society in one

way or

> another. The explanation we have received is that she seems " so

pathetic " .

> With all of this help, she remains " on her own " . This entire

situation has

> hurt each member of our family in one way or another, and we have

a large

> family. She has younger siblings who barely know her. Currently,

someone

> is making it possible for her to live in a house 1300 miles away

for free

> and possibly own the house someday.

>

> Our one regret is that we now wish we had done more diagnosing and

labeling,

> and that there would have been more explanation of her differences

to people

> in church and other places. Going so far out of our way to not

label paid

> off very badly. The experience our family has endured, we would

not wish on

> anyone.

>

> Labeling is sometimes mandatory for accommodations in school,

particularly

> college. Until this becomes a factor, it may appear that

diagnosing and

> labeling does not help the patient and only serves as good

protection for

> the family, who can not always shoulder the blame for that which

is not

> their doing.

>

> 14 years ago, we were reported to Child Protective Services

for " failure to

> thrive " on our Down Syndrome newborn infant. This was

embarrassing to the

> social workers and easily resolved, much more easily resolved than

when

> ignorant people helped our 18 year old with conceptual processing,

auditory

> processing problems, and visual processing problems leave home.

>

> We have several children, now adults, with learning disabilities.

The kids

> do not like to be labeled, but as time passes this is unavoidable

because

> the label gives them more time on exams, and as for the parents,

this

> prevents a lot of judgment.

>

> Labeling is extremely awkward, and those of us who homeschool will

always

> receive blame for differences that are usually shouldered by the

schools.

> The more learning disabled your child is, the more everyone is

hurt by going

> out of your way as we did to avoid labeling.

>

> As time passes, and more labeling is done with proper respect, the

proper

> perspective may eventually be taken. Labeling sometimes avoids

terrible

> judgmental attitudes when people see something they do not

understand. It

> is not that everything is everyone's business, but without some

labeling,

> there are bound to be lots of victims, especially parents and

siblings.

>

> Please remember, diagnosis does not require treatment or drugs,

but enables

> understanding of the situation and treating the problem

naturally. The best

> neuro-psychologist we have found is an allopath, and we share

mutual

> respect. He knows we do not allopathic treatment and do not use

shrinks,

> and he respects that. We respect his fine evaluations. He is

the only

> allopath we use.

>

> Marian

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Misty:

 

I hope you enjoy your camping trip.

 

Thank you Misty for your well educated responses. Yes, with homeopathy, we

try to avoid labels as long as we can. We also try to keep a low profile

with our kids. You are speaking to someone who has bent over backwards

always to avoid labeling and continues to do so.

 

In regard to my Down Syndrome child (now 14), you would not believe how hard

we tried not to label her. She was seven years old before she received a

chromosome test. It is impossible to avoid labeling for our Down Syndrome

child. When she was an infant, I was so reluctant to acknowledge her Down

Syndrome in public. That is probably why I once was reported to Child

Protective Services for “failure to thrive” and why a “Good Samaritan” with

a handicapped child telephoned my daughter’s physician begging the 100 year

old homeopath to explain to me her handicap. The centurion was so upset

that we stopped using him. Note: we believe that our daughter was the last

patient he truly helped.

 

Furthermore, in those early days, people who did not recognize she had Down

Syndrome, wondered if she was “different” from being abused. When I ran

across strangers, even those who said she was “beautiful”, I began to feel

fear of what they might do if they recognized her differences without her

label. It took years for this fear to dissipate, but our daughter slowly

became “sturdy” looking. Throughout the years, we have always strived to

gain respect for her. She behaves like “normal” people despite her slower

timetable, and we expect that she will associate with “normal” people. We

seldom discuss her Down Syndrome in any way, but she has gathered that she

has it.

 

The situation with my second child (now age 27), who does not have Down

Syndrome, but serious processing problems, was an example in which our

family was all taken advantage of for not labeling. It was impossible to

take the view: once in a while families are going to be hurt, so take the

bitter with the better and never label a child. It is clear to us that

there are times to label a child, and it must be done with discretion. Our

experience with this child (currently an adult) was a clear indication that

labeling is sometimes necessary for the good of the other family members.

When it became clear that she desperately needed to be labeled was sometime

in her mid-teens, by the time she was 14 like our Down Syndrome child is

today. We did not do it because of the principles of that time against

labeling.

 

There are some young adults with disabilities who are very manipulative

including my daughter with her processing problems, her boyfriend with

muscular dystrophy, and his grandmother who eats up all of the attention my

daughter gives her grandson.

 

I have children who were born much later than this daughter who do not even

know her as a person, and now her boyfriend’s grandmother is giving her

grandson a house 1300 miles away, the latest hand-out. My daughter is

expecting this house to become hers. The initial people from church who

helped her run away nine years ago did this because they felt sorry for her.

Because of our determination not to label, they had no scope of her

disabilities, how manipulative she was and is, or her non-ability to see her

family for who they are or even comprehend that loyalty to family is part

of being a family member. This daughter has acted as an opportunist

throughout the years. Most people have some feeling of belonging to family,

but my second daughter, due to her handicaps, understood and understands

none of this. Nor does her boyfriend! They basically see the world in

terms of money.

 

The situation of my second daughter was and is one example in which labeling

might have been an excellent idea. The only other alternative we see in

retrospect is burying ourselves in a hole where no one sees us, and where

she would have trouble looking to the world saying, “Help me, help me, help

me,” until she receives hand-outs.

 

I would continue to discourage labeling, but caution people this is merely a

guideline, which can never be a hard fast rule. There are exceptions to

each and every guideline, and this family has tragically endured an example

of an exception. It is refreshing though to read your views as a reminder

that despite the experience of this family (still ongoing) that our

principle of the time of avoiding labeling has valid grounds. It makes us

feel less foolish for the mistakes we made to avoid labeling our second

child about 15 years ago.

 

I should probably add that the people from church who assisted our daughter

in running away by taking her in soon were no longer going to that church.

Neither were we. The whole episode was a nightmare. More people than you

can ever count were hurt in one way or another, which was possibly

preventable from labeling.

 

My other kids (we have eight kids in all) are making a last-ditch effort to

get to know this daughter at last before she moves to Oklahoma City.

 

Marian

 

 

 

 

On Behalf Of Misty L. Trepke

Saturday, July 15, 2006 1:20 AM

 

Re: << --S-A-- >> Don't let your child be labelled--THIS IS

IMPORTANT!

 

Dear Marian-

 

I am about to go away on a camping trip, and I know Captain

Chemtrails has not responded yet, but I wanted to say something

before I take off for the weekend. If you would kindly indulge me

for this...