Guest guest Posted December 21, 2004 Report Share Posted December 21, 2004 Tears of sorrow like bright beads, String on a thread of your memory to wear around your heart Distress: the Paralyzing Emotion These abbreviated notes are taken from a taped lecture by Lois Fahs Timmins Ph.D. http://www.kirkcollection.com/drtimmins/dtCassettes.htm Distress, although painful, is a normal reaction to loss or trauma. According to the lecturer, the body has its own tempo for recovering from distress, and you cannot rush the process. If you feel distressed, perhaps the following notes will provide some framework for understanding your valuable feelings and will give you hope, knowing that you can survive and recover from distress and its resulting depression naturally in time. Lecture Notes from the taped lecture, “Distress: The Paralyzing Emotion” By Lois Fahs Timmins Ph.D. What is Distress? Distress is a primary component of depression. It seems to be situated in the heart. We say, “I am heart sick. I am broken hearted.” Some of the primary causes of distress are problems in relationships, loss in competition, loneliness, illness or death of a close person and contemplation of our own death. Small experiences can cause distress such as buying a new car or not going home for Christmas. It is always present with illness and accident. When you experience distress it is normal to feel shock. This is a natural response. The first few days after a disaster you can feel in a daze and be unable to function. Distress is Often Tied With Love Separation causes distress. Distress is most often tied with love. If we don’t care for others, we don’t experience distress if they are hurt. To love is to be lonely. Distress is Related to a Feeling of Helplessness Distress is related to a feeling of helplessness. Helplessness leads to hopelessness. It’s a paralyzing emotion. Helplessness Leads to Hopelessness and Giving Up Studies done on rats showed that if they had hope, they kept swimming in a tub of water for as long as 60 hours without giving up. If the study was structured to convince them they had no hope by not letting them struggle even before they were put in the water, they gave up swimming after a few minutes and sank to the bottom and drowned. In the Nazi camps, those who lost hope quickly died. Similarly the Black slaves would often die mysteriously of lost hope. They would squat down, lower their head, and after a short time, die. They willed themselves to die rather than live in captivity. Hope and Will to Live is Vital It cannot be overemphasized the importance of the will to live. It makes a tremendous difference how much we care to live. Hope can give us the will to live. Control is Vital We need to have some control over life. It is essential we maintain some element of control over our life. Controlling People are Affected Worst by Distress Controlling people suffer most from distress, helplessness, and depression, and are more subject to disease because they have more need for perfection and having everything just right. They experience distress if they cannot control everything. Such people will also be more subject to flu, heart attack, asthma, and diabetes. What Does Distress Look Like? Head Droops, eyes fixed, down turned mouth, clouded with tears, pale, sobbing, retarded movement and gait, appears senile no matter what the age, slump, and voice weak, thin, and muted. Curl up or sit in a womb-like position with our arms clasped about ourselves. There is absent or inhibited social response. How Does It Feel? Irritable, drained, hollow, disheartened, sense of smothering, , tired, sapped, every obstacle seems impossible, feel out of touch, confused, fears dominate our mind, It becomes overwhelmingly difficult to communicate. Lump in the throat, clutching feeling in the middle of the chest, a knot in the pit of the stomach, an inner heartache that you can’t quite locate. Empty, drained, miserable, lonely. Results of Distress Make frequent requests about small, unimportant details, immobility, head aches, loss of appetite, nausea, constipated, hands and feet cold, menstruation problems, sexual dysfunction, look for someone to scapegoat. Anger and complaining result from distress. Immobile unless prodded or pushed into activity. Every Day is a Struggle Every day is a struggle just to get out of bed and function on a basic level. We are not sure of anything. Feel out of touch with people, especially the people we care about. Fears of poverty, illness occupy our mind. Something terrible seems imminent. We Try to Find a Scapegoat Fears dominate our mind, and we seek a handy scapegoat. We blame our mother, our father, our wife, some other person for our depression. Distress tends to push people away. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone. Distress is one of the most complicated emotions and often leads to depression. Fear is the second strongest emotion in distress. It combines with guilt or shame and translates into “something is wrong with me.” Fear, anger, disgust, contempt, shame, and guilt combine to result in depression. Severe depression is mourning for the death of one’s own self esteem. “For the lonely man the desert is everywhere.” Depression is Lethal 1/200 will commit suicide. Women are more subject to depression and committing suicide than men but they tend to do it in a less final way with hopes of being stopped. Purpose of Distress Distress tends to unite people, as in after a disaster. It can bring people together. Distress alerts us to the fact that we are in trouble. It can lead to self repair and problem solving. Artificial optimism doesn’t make people advance. It makes them mark time. Melancholy urges us forward and creates one of the greatest treasures of mankind. But distress can also cause us to withdraw. Distress, sadness, and despair are very hard to look at in another person. They are hard for us to tolerate long enough to be truly helpful. Those interested in supporting a distressed person such as psychiatrists need to develop the capacity to look at a person experiencing distress, to keep on looking at the person, to share the distress without trying to make it go away with some temporary band aid comforting advice. ---Cut here---Tape to Fridge How to Recover from Distress Force yourself to care. Self-discipline must take the place of energy in coping. Force yourself to stay active. Do the opposite of what you want to. If you want to lie down, go for a walk. If you want to eat, force yourself to count calories. If you don’t want to eat, eat. Live one day at a time. “Anyone can carry his burden however hard until nightfall.” Give up self-destruction as an option, both total and partial self-destruction. Find aspects of your life that you can control. If you can’t the situation at the office, control the situation at home. If not the home, part of the home. Make many small choices. Will I go to the movie Thursday or Friday? Think/talk about the worst possible thing that could happen. What would you do? Do whatever you can to fix depression. You have to care even if you don’t. Don’t blame others or use scapegoats. We must accept that we can’t control much of anything. Make those choices that you can to overcome helplessness. Cry when you need to. Allow your self to cry thoroughly, cry loudly, and to sob. Find a crying place. Then get back to your affairs. We need to learn to accept our own pain and suffering and the pain and suffering of others. Where there is distress there is also sensitivity, awareness, and love. Give yourself time to heal. Time will heal. Recovery has its own pace. It cannot be rushed. If left alone, your body will recover. Don’t tell others to not cry. Recovery should take months or years. Give companionship to the lonely, hope to the hopeless. Life is short. Each grieving moment should be precious. Each of us is ultimately alone. We must have confidence in our own ability to overcome and to find new possibilities. Mail - Easier than ever with enhanced search. Learn more. http://info.mail./mail_250 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2004 Report Share Posted December 21, 2004 Tears of sorrow like bright beads, String on a thread of your memory to wear around your heart Distress: the Paralyzing Emotion These abbreviated notes are taken from a taped lecture by Lois Fahs Timmins Ph.D. http://www.kirkcollection.com/drtimmins/dtCassettes.htm Distress, although painful, is a normal reaction to loss or trauma. According to the lecturer, the body has its own tempo for recovering from distress, and you cannot rush the process. If you feel distressed, perhaps the following notes will provide some framework for understanding your valuable feelings and will give you hope, knowing that you can survive and recover from distress and its resulting depression naturally in time. Lecture Notes from the taped lecture, “Distress: The Paralyzing Emotion” By Lois Fahs Timmins Ph.D. What is Distress? Distress is a primary component of depression. It seems to be situated in the heart. We say, “I am heart sick. I am broken hearted.” Some of the primary causes of distress are problems in relationships, loss in competition, loneliness, illness or death of a close person and contemplation of our own death. Small experiences can cause distress such as buying a new car or not going home for Christmas. It is always present with illness and accident. When you experience distress it is normal to feel shock. This is a natural response. The first few days after a disaster you can feel in a daze and be unable to function. Distress is Often Tied With Love Separation causes distress. Distress is most often tied with love. If we don’t care for others, we don’t experience distress if they are hurt. To love is to be lonely. Distress is Related to a Feeling of Helplessness Distress is related to a feeling of helplessness. Helplessness leads to hopelessness. It’s a paralyzing emotion. Helplessness Leads to Hopelessness and Giving Up Studies done on rats showed that if they had hope, they kept swimming in a tub of water for as long as 60 hours without giving up. If the study was structured to convince them they had no hope by not letting them struggle even before they were put in the water, they gave up swimming after a few minutes and sank to the bottom and drowned. In the Nazi camps, those who lost hope quickly died. Similarly the Black slaves would often die mysteriously of lost hope. They would squat down, lower their head, and after a short time, die. They willed themselves to die rather than live in captivity. Hope and Will to Live is Vital It cannot be overemphasized the importance of the will to live. It makes a tremendous difference how much we care to live. Hope can give us the will to live. Control is Vital We need to have some control over life. It is essential we maintain some element of control over our life. Controlling People are Affected Worst by Distress Controlling people suffer most from distress, helplessness, and depression, and are more subject to disease because they have more need for perfection and having everything just right. They experience distress if they cannot control everything. Such people will also be more subject to flu, heart attack, asthma, and diabetes. What Does Distress Look Like? Head Droops, eyes fixed, down turned mouth, clouded with tears, pale, sobbing, retarded movement and gait, appears senile no matter what the age, slump, and voice weak, thin, and muted. Curl up or sit in a womb-like position with our arms clasped about ourselves. There is absent or inhibited social response. How Does It Feel? Irritable, drained, hollow, disheartened, sense of smothering, , tired, sapped, every obstacle seems impossible, feel out of touch, confused, fears dominate our mind, It becomes overwhelmingly difficult to communicate. Lump in the throat, clutching feeling in the middle of the chest, a knot in the pit of the stomach, an inner heartache that you can’t quite locate. Empty, drained, miserable, lonely. Results of Distress Make frequent requests about small, unimportant details, immobility, head aches, loss of appetite, nausea, constipated, hands and feet cold, menstruation problems, sexual dysfunction, look for someone to scapegoat. Anger and complaining result from distress. Immobile unless prodded or pushed into activity. Every Day is a Struggle Every day is a struggle just to get out of bed and function on a basic level. We are not sure of anything. Feel out of touch with people, especially the people we care about. Fears of poverty, illness occupy our mind. Something terrible seems imminent. We Try to Find a Scapegoat Fears dominate our mind, and we seek a handy scapegoat. We blame our mother, our father, our wife, some other person for our depression. Distress tends to push people away. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry alone. Distress is one of the most complicated emotions and often leads to depression. Fear is the second strongest emotion in distress. It combines with guilt or shame and translates into “something is wrong with me.” Fear, anger, disgust, contempt, shame, and guilt combine to result in depression. Severe depression is mourning for the death of one’s own self esteem. “For the lonely man the desert is everywhere.” Depression is Lethal 1/200 will commit suicide. Women are more subject to depression and committing suicide than men but they tend to do it in a less final way with hopes of being stopped. Purpose of Distress Distress tends to unite people, as in after a disaster. It can bring people together. Distress alerts us to the fact that we are in trouble. It can lead to self repair and problem solving. Artificial optimism doesn’t make people advance. It makes them mark time. Melancholy urges us forward and creates one of the greatest treasures of mankind. But distress can also cause us to withdraw. Distress, sadness, and despair are very hard to look at in another person. They are hard for us to tolerate long enough to be truly helpful. Those interested in supporting a distressed person such as psychiatrists need to develop the capacity to look at a person experiencing distress, to keep on looking at the person, to share the distress without trying to make it go away with some temporary band aid comforting advice. ---Cut here---Tape to Fridge How to Recover from Distress Force yourself to care. Self-discipline must take the place of energy in coping. Force yourself to stay active. Do the opposite of what you want to. If you want to lie down, go for a walk. If you want to eat, force yourself to count calories. If you don’t want to eat, eat. Live one day at a time. “Anyone can carry his burden however hard until nightfall.” Give up self-destruction as an option, both total and partial self-destruction. Find aspects of your life that you can control. If you can’t the situation at the office, control the situation at home. If not the home, part of the home. Make many small choices. Will I go to the movie Thursday or Friday? Think/talk about the worst possible thing that could happen. What would you do? Do whatever you can to fix depression. You have to care even if you don’t. Don’t blame others or use scapegoats. We must accept that we can’t control much of anything. Make those choices that you can to overcome helplessness. Cry when you need to. Allow your self to cry thoroughly, cry loudly, and to sob. Find a crying place. Then get back to your affairs. We need to learn to accept our own pain and suffering and the pain and suffering of others. Where there is distress there is also sensitivity, awareness, and love. Give yourself time to heal. Time will heal. Recovery has its own pace. It cannot be rushed. If left alone, your body will recover. Don’t tell others to not cry. Recovery should take months or years. Give companionship to the lonely, hope to the hopeless. Life is short. Each grieving moment should be precious. Each of us is ultimately alone. We must have confidence in our own ability to overcome and to find new possibilities. Dress up your holiday email, Hollywood style. Learn more. http://celebrity.mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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