Looking Into the Eyes of the Dragon - Working With Fears During Pregnancy

[Guest guest]

I thought this was interesting...

Homeopathy also offers a lot for fears during both pregnancy and

labor: aconite, arsenicum alb, ant-t, caul, cimic, opium...

By reading and researching a homeopathic repetory/materia media, it

will be easier to tell which remedy is most indicated...

Remedies don't " take away " fear, grief, anger, etc... Instead they

help people to be in a more balanced place to deal with these

feelings, and it is not uncommon that once the person is feeling

more balanced, these emotions just don't carry the same charge that

they did before...

Be Well,

Misty L. Trepke

http://www..com

 

Looking Into the Eyes of the Dragon - Working With Fears

During Pregnancy

 

This article first appeared in Mothering Magazine, Sept./Oct. 1999

issue

Looking Into the Eyes of the Dragon

Working With Fears During Pregnancy

by Robin Sale, CHT, CMT

 

 

" Nature needs no assistance, just no interference. " - Unknown author

 

 

Recently, a father told me about a preschool field trip he had

attended with his four-year-old son. They arrived at a farm where a

goat was about to give birth. As the children gathered excitedly to

watch, it became apparent that with each new arrival the goat grew

more agitated. Aware of her audience, her labor seemed to stop.

Finally, after several disruptions, she grunted and lifting her

heavy body, made her way to the back of the barn. Here, in privacy,

she quickly birthed her kids as the children secretly watched

through peepholes.

 

Under normal circumstances, the flow of labor proceeds best without

interference. If the above quote does apply to the natural flow of

labor, what is it then, that impedes this natural flow? Oftentimes,

the answer is fear. Fear, in it's many guises, can significantly

slow down and inhibit the body's ability to give birth naturally.

Unlike other mammals, humans have the ability to harbor numerous

fears besides those that may present themselves in the immediate

birth environment - - fears from past experiences as well as

imagined fears about the future.

 

A woman experiencing excessive fear during childbirth will

unwittingly disrupt the progress of her labor. Fear causes the body

to release the fight or flight hormones called catecholamines. These

hormones are in direct conflict with those that cause labor to

progress smoothly, including endorphins, the body's natural pain-

reducing hormones and oxytocin, which causes the uterus to contract

in a smooth, powerful and coordinated way, urging the baby into the

world. As Paula Holtz, CNM, MA., describes it, this internal

conflict is like having one foot on the gas and the other on the

brake, you just don't go anywhere! Thus, the necessity of pitocin to

strengthen contractions and epidurals to relieve pain and

exhaustion. Ultimately a cesarean section may be necessary due to

a 'failure to progress.'

 

A friend of mine told me the following story of the birth of her

first child: " Labor was going along just fine. I was nearly

completely dilated when everything just stopped! No more

contractions. We waited a while, puzzling over this abrupt change.

At some point, my husband looked at me and asked, 'What do you think

is going on?' Just then I burst into tears. I was overwhelmed with

the feeling that life was forever changing and afraid that this

child would somehow come between my husband and me. We'd been

married 10 years. I shared my fear with him. He, too, had similar

feelings. As we talked, we came to realize that this baby would

bring us to a new level of love that we would otherwise never know.

With this realization labor commenced and within an hour we welcomed

our sweet baby girl into our family.

 

Acknowledging fears and working with them prior to birth will mean

that much less tension will be carried into labor. Like the

proverbial dragon under the childhood bed, often our fears become

important resources when invited out into the light of day.

Many women quietly harbor fears that something might go wrong with

the birth or the health of their baby. They may keep these fears to

themselves out of a superstitious belief that to speak about them

may cause them to come true. They may think that telling their

partner their concerns may cause their partner to worry as well.

Some have a nebulous sense of dread, unsure of exactly what is

frightening them. The truth is, holding these fears inside may cause

more harm than good. Unspoken fears may fester, grow stronger and

more insistent. The following suggestions are several ideas for

working through your fears on your own or with a partner or friend.

If, however, after working with these, you still find yourself

feeling anxious and fearful it may be important to seek out

professional counseling. Choose someone with experience in birth and

family related issues.

 

Talk it out.

" Let yourself be afraid and then you can release your fear " Alan

Watts

 

Sit with a friend or your partner, and take ten minutes or so to

talk

about your fears. Ask the listener just to listen - - no advice,

sympathy or hand holding necessary.

Often when we are given enough time to talk truthfully and openly

without interruption, we are able to discover that we have the

resolution to our concerns right within ourselves. Even if no

resolution comes right away, you may feel freer, lighter and less

alone with your feelings

 

If Fear is There, Embrace it

" Healing is embracing with love and mercy that which has been pushed

away. " - Steven Levine

Regard your fear as if it were a crying or hurt child. Embrace it

with the kind of love and tenderness you would give a child if he or

she were afraid. Give it your full attention. Take your time. No

need

to change it, just hold it in your heart and mind with acceptance

and

caring. This is a radical change from our first impulse, which may

be

to push away, get rid of, or be immobilized by our fear. Holding

fear

this way allows you to move from being a fearful person to being a

person who may be feeling fear at the moment but is also capable of

feeling a myriad of feelings, even comfort and compassion toward

yourself. You may get some insight or deeper understanding about

your

fear that is useful to you in this way.

 

Worst-Case Scenario.

" The other side of every fear is freedom " Marilyn Ferguson

 

This exercise can be helpful when fears are generalized and non-

specific. Again, with a friend or partner, talk about what's scary.

Have your friend encourage you to follow the fear to the worst

possible outcome, and ask how you would cope if this were to occur.

This can be surprisingly empowering and helpful. If we look at the

worst case scenario we are often amazed to see that we have the

inner

strength and resources to deal with even our greatest fear. Here is

an example:

 

Alice: " I'm really feeling scared. "

Jules: " What exactly are you afraid of? "

Alice: " I worry that there may be something wrong with my baby. "

Jules: " What do you think about?

Alice: " Well, since I'm 36 the doctor has told me that I have an

increased risk of having a baby with Down's Syndrome. "

Jules: " Have you thought about what that would be like? "

Alice: " I think it would be really hard. Although I've heard that

Down's babies are especially lovable. It's just that when I envision

my child growing up, I think of the wonderful conversations we'll

have and ideas we'll share and it would be difficult to have a child

that was so dependent for their whole life. I thought about this

when

faced with the choice of having an amniocentesis. I decided I would

have this baby no matter what. I already love this baby so much. I

know it would be hard but I talked with a woman once with a child

with Down's Syndrome and she talked about that child as her life's

greatest blessing. I think I'd be OK. "

Jules: " How do you think you would cope with the disappointment of

not having those intellectual conversations? "

Alice: " You know, I've always had this abiding faith in life and in

myself. I think I would find ways to connect with my child that were

equally satisfying. "

Can you see how this discussion diffused the fear, opening up the

possibility for Alice to reconnect with her intentions and her inner

strength? She is released from an imagined and frightening future to

live the reality of her life as it is today fully.

 

Inviting the dragon to tea.

" Face fear, and thereby master it, repress fear and be mastered by

it. " Martin Luther King Jr.

 

Our fears may contain important information for us. Maybe we

shouldn't be in such a hurry to be rid of them. This exercise

requires turning toward our fears with a friendly interest rather

than turning away, which is our usual inclination. Relating to our

fears as visiting guest rather than as who we are may give us just

the perspective we need for their resolution. You may wish to have a

friend read this aloud to you slowly, pausing after each question to

give you enough time to inquire deeply.

Set aside 15 to 20 minutes when you won't be interrupted.

1. Begin by paying attention to your breath, the flow of each

inhalation and each exhalation. Breathe in calm with each in-breath

and with each breath out release any unnecessary tension, settling

into a deeper relaxation with each breath. Let the sensation and the

sound of your breathing anchor you into the present moment. Do this

for several minutes to clear your mind of unnecessary clutter.

2. Next, imagine yourself sitting comfortably in a room and invite

your fear to join you for tea. Use your imagination to paint an

image

symbolic of your fear. You might be surprised at what you see. If

your fear were a being, human or otherwise, what would it look like?

What color and texture would it be? How does it dress? Would it like

some tea and cookies? How does it move? If it could speak, how would

you describe the quality of its voice? Gravely? Moaning? Angry?

Soft?

Male? Female? What would it say? What can you learn about your fear

through this observation?

3. Regarding your fear with a sincere interest, begin a dialogue.

Ask

your fear

what it needs? What's its purpose? Does it have any advice that

could

be of value to you? Again, use your imagination. If you were your

fear what would you answer? Sometimes the answer comes through a

feeling rather than words. Let this dialogue unfold naturally.

Notice

if your fear image changes it's form or demeanor during this

interaction. It may be that this fear simply needs to be heard and

respected for what it is. At other times our fears can point to

specific actions we need to take. An example; " I'm afraid my husband

won't be there for me. " For one woman, the action needed might be to

discuss this with her husband and to learn to ask specifically for

what she wants. For another it might be to hire a birth assistant

or " doula. "

 

Fear of Losing Control

 

" No one can claim to tame the ocean, but anyone can learn to surf. "

Swami Satchitananda

 

" I'm afraid I might loose it " is a fear I often hear from the women

I

work with. The " it " they speak of is a sense of control. The image

that many women have of loosing it is of flailing arms and legs,

screaming, being a wimp, swearing at their husbands and basically

acting very undignified. I imagine they must have seen something

like

this on television.

Although one might argue that we are never really in control, we

live

in a culture that puts a high value on being in control at all

times,

structuring our days around the minutes of the clock and our

appointment books. We control our moods, physical comfort and energy

to meet the needs of our prearranged agendas with coffee, alcohol

and

drugs. Women in our culture spend vast amounts of money and energy

controlling their appearance, fragrance, the color, shape, and

texture of their hair, make up, clothing, etc.

And so, it is no wonder that the perceived, almost animalistic

abandon of childbirth is frightening. Birth, being a uniquely

feminine act is anything but lady like. At one birth center the

nurses posted a sign over the door reading, " NO LADIES ALLOWED! "

Paradoxically, right along side of the fear of losing control, many

women are worried about not being able to let go. Not wanting to

loose control and at the same time knowing they need to let go puts

women in a double bind of sorts.

One way to understand this double bind may lie in the paradox

itself.

Since one cannot control the energy of birth, perhaps one can view

letting go to that energy as a kind of control in itself. Gayle

Peterson, Ph.D., author of Birthing Normally and An Easier

Childbirth, gives us a wonderful analogy for this in the sport of

skiing. In order for someone to ski well, they have to yield and go

with the flow of the mountain's curves and dips. This takes a great

deal of focus and control, keeping the knees agile and distributing

the weight appropriately from one moment to the next. If, for one

second, they get distracted and loose their focus or if they become

too rigid with control, they may fall. So the control comes from

letting go to the terrain and the body's natural self-righting

ability.

Learning to ride the waves of contractions throughout labor takes

intense focus and concentration - - letting go of trying to make

anything happen and being fully with what is happening from moment

to

moment. This does not come naturally to many women in a culture of

control. Some women find the practice of yoga, chi gung, and

relaxation or meditation wonderful ways to prepare for this kind of

moment to moment awareness. It may be that fears only exist in the

past or the future. They may have nothing to do with the present.

Rather than asking, " How much longer is this going to be? " " Will

this

next contraction be like the last one? " , one might ask, " Am I O.K.

right now? "

 

Fear of Pain

" We don't give medication for pain, we give it for fear. " -Karen

Ehrlich, Midwife

 

For most women, pain is a given in labor - - but fear may be

optional. There is an abundance of what may be called " negative

hypnosis " surrounding birth in this culture. Fear is a natural

response to this bombardment from the media, and the many horror

stories that have an uncanny way of finding their way to pregnant

women and their partners. As the above quote suggests, fear itself

may cause pain to become unbearable. Working through anticipatory

fears ahead of time frees the laboring woman to focus in the present

moment on the work at hand.

Like the story of the goat birthing her kids, I have heard many

stories of labor stopping when something or someone in the birth

environment caused a birthing woman to become fearful or

uncomfortable. If birthing away from home, a woman might do well to

become familiar with the birth center or hospital rooms and ask

questions about policies and procedures ahead of time. As much as

possible, the birthing couple should know who will be in attendance.

The choice of care providers should be based not only on medical

competency but also on good rapport and feelings of comfort.

Many couples today are hiring a labor assistant or doula; someone

with professional expertise who is committed to being there

throughout the entire duration of labor, delivery and postpartum.

Having good one on one support during labor has been proven to

significantly reduce the need for pain medication. In controlled

tests conducted in a public hospital with the Baylor College of

Medicine, the need for epidural anesthesia dropped from 55% to just

8% with the presence of a doula or labor assistant. This takes

tremendous pressure off the birthing partner. With a trained

birthing

assistant the partner no longer needs to feel the weight of

responsibility for " managing " the labor. Then he or she is free to

fully attend to the laboring woman in much more supportive and

caring

ways.

Lastly, examining the sources of fears can be very enlightening.

Gayle Peterson, Ph.D., says that we are greatly influenced in our

perceptions of birth in these three ways; by being born, by giving

birth and by what we hear about birth from others (including the

media and culture around us.) Exploring how each of these three

areas

have informed us may give us an idea of any myths we may have

adopted

as truths about birth. Consider doing the first exercise suggested

above with these three topics. Both partners take turns talking for

five to ten minutes on each topic while the other listens in

silence.

Besides these three ways of knowing about birth, I believe women

have

an innate understanding of birth within their own bodies, a cellular

intelligence inherited by all the women throughout their ancestry.

Activities that allow a woman to drop below her thinking mind into

her body mind help to cultivate a deeper trust in her natural

ability

to give birth. Practice of yoga and meditation and spending time in

nature are excellent ways to access this inner trust.

 

Fear of Judgment

Each birth is as unique as the woman giving birth. All too often

women judge themselves or each other harshly on the choices or the

outcomes of their birth experiences. This is unfortunate. On top of

all the other challenges facing a birthing woman, performance

anxiety

is just added baggage.

After the women in my prenatal yoga and support classes settle into

postpartum they like to come back and share their birth stories with

the class. While telling her story, one woman shared that on being

told she would need a C-section, her first thought of disappointment

was that she wouldn't have a good birth story to share with the

class. How quick we are to judge ourselves and to fear the judgment

of others.

It has been said that we birth as we live. How hard are we on

ourselves? How rigid are we in having the perfect birth experience?

Do we need to " do it right? " For whom? Perhaps there is no right

way,

only experiences to learn from what we will. Can we accord ourselves

the same compassion and understanding that we would give to another?

It takes courage to walk into the unknown. And who is to say that

fear has no place in labor? Like pain, fear itself is perceived in

accordance to our relationship with it. Recognize that fear has

arrived and acknowledge her respectfully. Looking straight into the

eyes of the dragon, you may discover a powerful ally who holds a

mirror up to your own strength and unfolding potential.

 

 

Robin Sale, CHT, CMT, lives in Santa Cruz, Ca., where she and her

husband, Saladin are the lucky parents of Aaron, age 14. A counselor

and educator, she teaches classes in prenatal yoga and support,

body/mind birth and parenting preparation, and prenatal yoga

instructor courses.