ARE YOU A CONTROL FREAK?

[Guest guest]

Control freaks are people who insist on having their way in all interactions

with you. They wish to set the agenda and decide what you will do and when. They

are difficult to live, work and/or socialize with. They can’t stand

imperfection, are very critical of themselves and others, but underneath that

perfect outfit and great body is a mountain of unhappiness.

 

To discover if you are a Control Freak, check all that apply to you.

 

1 You make lists for everything in your life.

2 As much as possible, you need to do everything yourself.

3 You're always right, know what's best for others and feel insulted when others

don't take your advice.

4 You love to be the center of attention.

5 You get bored when you’ve to listen to others & tend to interrupt a lot.

6 Your vacations tend to be structured and active.

7 You don't like people touching your stuff.

8 When you're in a relationship, you like to know where your significant other

is at all times.

9 It’s hard for you to get used to a new hair style or new pair of jeans.

10 You would not really enjoy a surprise party thrown for you.

11 You can't stand to wait for people who are running a few minutes late.

12 When you're watching TV with others, you always have to have the remote.

 

Let’s look at what makes control freak tick, what makes them explode, and some

ways to deal with them. If you are a control freak, don't despair, help is

available for you as well.

 

In some cases, the control freak see their constant intervention as beneficial

or even necessary; this can be caused by feelings of superiority, believing that

others are incapable of handling matters properly, or the fear that things will

go wrong if they don't attend to every detail. In other cases, they may simply

enjoy the feeling of power by trying to control things around them. However,

deep down these people are terrified of being vulnerable and riddled with

anxiety, fear, insecurity and anger. Often they try to manipulate everything

around them in an effort not to be 'found out' for the inferior person they

believe themselves to be. For them, Controlling is an anxiety management tool

that gives a temporary sense of calmness.

 

Strategies for dealing with Control Freaks

 

• Understand the dynamics of their behavior. Their messages are " You're

incompetent, " and " I can't trust you. " But what they're trying to do is manage

their own anxiety. It’s compulsive

behavior that repeats with or without validation. Keep in mind it is not

personal! They may even have the highest admiration for you.

 

• Stay calm and speak slowly. Control freaks tend to generate a sense of

anxiety and tension in those around them. Put up your plexiglass shield,

maintain a comfortable distance and remain calm while speaking with them.

 

• Be very patient. Control freaks need to feel heard. Listen carefully and ask

good questions that indicate that you have

heard them.

 

• Pay attention to your induced reactions. Notice how you feel when

speaking with them. It will give you important clues as to how to deal with them

more effectively and appropriately.

 

• Treat them with kindness. Within most control freaks is a good measure of

paranoia. They are ready to get angry against what they perceive as a

controlling hostile world. Treat them with respect & kindness and in all

likelihood their paranoia will not take root.

 

If you are a Control Freak

 

• Engage in personal discovery & Self-monitor: Unfortunately, majority of

controlling people do not recognize their faults. If several people have dropped

hints or blatantly expressed disgust with your personality, it's time for a

candid self-evaluation to identify

what is at the heart of your need to always be in control of everything.

 

• Lower your expectations. Some people are controlling because they feel that

no one is capable of doing things right. Having unreasonable expectations of

others makes it difficult to trust people. Appreciate that others are capable of

handling simple tasks and there is more than one style for completing a job.

 

• Ask for reminders. You cannot change overnight, and no one expects that. It

may help if a trusted friend brings the controlling behavior to your attention

and help identify situations in which you are prone to control. For example,

when eating out or going for movies, do you always have to pick the restaurant

or show?

 

• Learn the art of flexibility and self-control. You don’t have to know or

do everything! Focus on giving up control of something before it’s too late.

Practice give-and-take. If you give others a chance to contribute and share

their opinions, then you will notice a blooming surrounding.

 

Remember! It’s impossible to control everything in your environment.

Controlling is unhealthy; will stifle, neutralize and keep you from succeeding

and will result in you losing many wonderful relationships.