Revival of Faith - My Swami

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Sai Ram All,

 

Love All, Serve All, Peace be to all

 

Swami has his own way of drawing his devotees close to him. He has an amazing power to revive a person’s faith in him back if that faith has been wobbly. Here is an extract of many experiences I have had with Swami stepping in my life.

 

Talking of 6 years now, I have been strongly having faith in Sri Satya Sai Baba. I am grateful to my cousins in New Zealand because of whom I have been drawn to Swami and his teachings. It is their experiences that they used to share with us (my parents, my sister and myself) that made us develop this pleasant contact with Swami. We used to be ever delighted to hear about their experiences and learn about Swami constantly and we were and still are very eager to gain more knowledge about everything that involved Swami. We all developed a very strong space in our hearts for Swami. It is that faith that keeps us going in our regular spiritual way in life.

 

I used to relate all good things happening around me to Swami and his blessings and I used to have Swami’s name in my mind all the time. Infact, when I was not 100% sure on deciding whether or not to agree to my marriage proposal, I asked Swami to advise me and he did. Things were going on this way until one day, a weak moment that lead my brain to read all the allegations written/expressed about nad against Swami. In one corner of my mind I knew that I would be ashamed of myself after reading those articles written by some unethical, immoral souls, but I went on to read it. This disturbed me, my mind and my faith on Swami. I had millions of doubts hitting my head hard about Swami, I went on to justify my own mind, but it wouldn’t listen. I could now feel that my mind and soul were drifting apart in thoughts about Swami. I didn’t know what to do, but kept looking for more information. When I went through a documentary (which I regret

to this date) I didn’t know how to digest such disgusting things narrated about Swami. Back of my mind I knew I shouldn’t be caring for all those things and keep my faith going and deepening about Swami, but being immature and in sensitive, I slowly started to drift from Swami. As Swami himself says “do not believe in any things anyone says, just believe your inner voiceâ€. Things until this phase of my life were pretty good. I was happy from within, a calm person and hadn’t given any food for my ego to out grow. But after this, I became a different person. Not that I realised from that very moment, but gradually I turned towards being furious, restless, aggressive, impatient and an egoistic person.

 

From time to time I knew and did want to revive my faith again, but I couldn’t do it. Those unanswered doubts and questions about Swami haunted me, that documentary came in front of my eyes, I was confused again. I didn’t want to ask anyone or seek any ones help as I didn’t want to cause harm to other person’s faith, I kept everything to myself for a long time. I left it to Swami to decide when he wants to draw me closer to him again and prayed that he revives my faith in him by his own manner. It is very recently that he answered my request/my prayer. I worry a lot about quite a lot of things. I had something in my mind that was going on for nearly a year now, for which I needed Him to react to – solve the problem. Many times I had prayed, requested him, but due to lack of faith, the problem started to get worse. I didn’t know what to do again.

 

Very recently in the UK, I happened to travel in a bus with my family to a nearby place and in that bus; we happened to get in touch with a lady from Italy and was a strong Swami devotee. The moment she saw my mother, she asked whether my mom had been to Puttaparthi recently and if my mother believed in Swami. My mother said yes and she told me about that lady enquiring her. I sensed some sort of a happy feeling a pleasant feeling right then and advanced some Vibhuti to her. We had a chat about Swami later and I asked her what made her see Swami and believe him. She gave me a detailed explanation about how she happened to meet Swami and go to Puttaparthi (this is from someone who had no idea how India was, the culture and everything else). Listening to her talk, I felt really nice but again regretted why I was not able to revive my faith in Swami back. While I was recollecting my conversation with this lady, she said something that struck me really

strongly and in a very positive manner. She said “Don’t worry if you think you are not a complete true devotee of Swami, nor are you against him, be happy that you are somewhere in the middle. Swami himself says anything too extreme is not good. However, just try and be the way you are – but add a dash of Love to everything. As Swami says, Start your day with Love, carry on with love and end your day with love. If you need anything at all from Swami just say – May Thy Will be Done and not Mine! I am sure you will achieve what you want to with Swami being there with you everâ€.

 

Later, on a weekday I was again very upset about this problem/worry of mine which made me restless and tensed, I wrote a letter to Swami. A hand written letter in which I wrote all my feelings requesting Swami to do some miracle and solve my problems. Soon after I finished writing a 2 page letter, I was now again confused as to which mailing address to post. I gathered that Swami would leave to Kodai Ashram on the 18th and then after 3 weeks he would then head to Whitefield Ashram in Bangalore. As a normal post would take 10 days to reach Prashanti and I didn’t have Kodai Ashram address, I then thought of posting it to Bangalore going to the post office nearby with a faith that Swami will reply in his own way irrespective of where the letter is posted to. I got back to my work and after a couple of hours; my problem was resolved all by itself and to my surprise! Swami signalled and proved that he is present everywhere and knows what exactly is in

our minds. He gave me my answer and is a positive way that I never thought that it would have been resolved immediately. Swami indeed revived my faith back in him and it is his will that was done in such an amazing way. He proved that he is the live Avatar and made me realise that he is with us all the time. He has taught me a lesson, he is indeed our Sadguru. I now no longer care for any allegations and any articles against Swami; I don’t care about anyone talking against Swami. My faith is back and my pranams to the gracious lotus feet. Thank you, Swami.

 

Thought of sharing this experience of mine with you all. Thanks for your patience

 

Sairam,Chitra