My journal: mind, thoughts, slowing down

[Guest guest]

 

I had a busy night. Well, a busy day at work, and an active night – shopping, dinner, phone calls, and I ended up going to bed late. I woke up late this morning, and I got to sit in the puja room with Swami for a nice long time. But even though my body is not busy now, my mind still is. I sit quietly, and try to blow away the thoughts, but they keep coming back. And I wish I had an even quieter life than the one I lead now.

 

I open my eyes and see the picture of a meditating Shiva in front of me. His eyes are half-closed, his third eye looks so serene, his gentle smile like he’s holding a secret – the secret of this universe, and his face and expression as sweet and serene as could be. Shiva, the lord of destruction, who has pralaya going on around him – how can he be so calm and serene? And then I think that’s what man should strive for - I should strive for – to be calm in the middle of a storm. Let the storm go on around me, that’s the nature of a storm, but my nature shouldn’t change because of it. The nature of my brain is to think thoughts – that’s the only thing it knows to do, but I needn’t latch on to every thought it thinks. As Swami says, passing clouds don’t disturb the infinite sky, and thoughts are like

passing clouds – they shouldn’t affect the serenity of the soul.

 

When my mind runs out of thoughts, at least the ones about last night, then I am calm and still again – for a while. And then the next activity starts up – breakfast, laundry, whatever; and then thoughts come in again. It is impossible for life to stop – it’s the nature of life to go on. But I still strive to slow down, and be able to stop sometimes, to introduce periods of space and stillness into it. The more I try to be on top of things, the more I’ll be trying to catch up to it - like the hamster on a ferris wheel that’s constantly trying to get to the top of the wheel – the faster it climbs, the faster the wheel goes.

 

I shouldn’t let my life overtake me. I should let life go on at its own pace, but I am a part of it at my own pace. Right now, it still feels a little busier and faster than I like, but I am slowing down, sl-ow-ing do-wn, until I find my center, my self. Making my life as spare, sparse and simple as I can is key to slowing down. Only when the monkey mind becomes calm is when the universal mind, or the God mind can come in and start its true activity.