Face to Face experience with God

January 30, 2010

AUM SAI RAM

Humble pranams at the lotus feet of Bhgavan.

Dear Saibandhus,

Loving Sai Ram to all.

May i tell you a beautiful experience of mine with Swami. This experience happened about 35 years ago, but whenever i recall, it appears to be very fresh.

At that time i was studying in an Eng. college. It was annual vacation for me. My youngest sister's Father-in -Law's house was about 12 kms.from our hostel. Before proceeding to my hometown i went to her Father-in-law's house. One of my cousin's( my mother's sister's son ) had married my sister's sister-in-law and the later had come there along with her two small children to visit her parents. She wanted to go back to her house ( my cousin's house) at Hyderabad. When i went to their home, she requested me to accompany her and children to Hyderabad, because she found it difficult to travel with her small children and heavy luggage. i agreed and after informing my parents i accompanied them to Hyderabad.

I stayed with them for almost 3 weeks. My return journey was financed by my cousin. i was planning to go from Hyderabad to Puttaparthy for Swami's Darshan, en route to my home. i was left with a small amount of money after purchasing the ticket, which was insufficient to meet the expenditure for the journey and stay in Puttaparthy. But, i didn't want to ask more money from my cousin. Therefore, i thought of selling my only one gold ring which i was wearing on the ring finger of my left hand. Without the knowledge of my cousin ( even now he doesn't know), i sold my ring to a gold jeweller in Hyderabad. The money received after selling my gold ring was more than sufficient to take care of my expenditure in Puttaparthy. i was extremely happy that by selling the ring, i would be able to get the Darshan of Swami.

I travelled to Puttaparthy. Incidentally, i met there two of my Engineering college friends who were devotees of Swami. We all stayed together in a shed located near the Ganesh Temple then. During those years there was no token system to enter the premises in Prashanthinilayam for the Darshan of Swami. During the permitted period any visitor could freely enter the Prashanthinilayam compound and sit on the ground on the sand in front of the Mandir ( at that time there was no tiled flooring) for Swami's Darshan and Interview. Those days Swami was granting interviews two times a day, one each on the morning and evening. After completion of Interview session, devotees were permitted to enter the Bhajan hall before the commencement of Bhajan and sit through the Bhajan. If one enters early, the devotee could find seat in the front rows and could enjoy to his heart's content the Darshan of Swami at close proximity.

Myself and my friends used to sit along the Darshan lines on the sandy ground in front of Mandir very early and wait for several hours for Swami's Darshan during mornings and evenings. Those days Swami used to live on the first floor of the Bhajan Mandir. At the time of Darshan, Swami used to descend to the ground floor, open the doors of the Interview room and emerge out like the shining sun. And all devotees on the men side who had the privilege to view the Interview room from their sitting place used to wait patiently looking most of the times at the closed doors. During those days Swami was granting Interviews liberally, and i think, all those who waited patiently for several days or weeks might have received Swami's Interview. They were, and are when brought to memory now, enchanting scenes of Swami emerging out from His room, gracefully walking along devotees darshan lines, creating sacred vibhoothi by the wave of hand, distributing them to fortunate devotees, accepting letters from the hands of devotees and sometimes opening and glancing at the content of letter, Blessing some devotees by raising the hand, smiling to some devotees, conversing very briefly with some, allowing some to have Padanamaskar, and pointing the forefinger to some extremely fortunate devotees and lifting it up which was an indication for those devotees to get up and walk towards the Interview room for the Blessed Interview. Those days the number of devotees was less and we easily occupied the front raw in the Darshan line. I was getting the beautiful Darshan of Swami daily two times and thereafter inside the Mandir during the time of Bhajan. Generally, those days chances of obtaining Swami's Interview was high, if one has the patience to wait. Therefore, i was hoping to get the Interview. Several days passed; but there was no call for me from Swami for Interview. ( When i recollect those days, now i realise that those were the extremely beautiful days when i had the very closest and longer Darshan of Swami in the Darshan line as well inside the Bhajan hall during Bhajan time.) Thus many days rolled by, Swami didn't call me. I was craving for SWAMI'S Interview then not at all for material benefits, but only to get LOVE from SWAMI. Naturally i was highly disappointed, but didn't show it outwardly. One day my Sardarji friend, (who evidently might have understood my turmoil,), after that morning's Interview call from Swami was over -- but still i didn't get Interview call-- he tried to console me. That act of his consoling stirred my deep set emotions. But brushing those emotions, as usual i hurriedly went inside the Bhajan Mandir and sat in the 2nd row. My friends used to continue to sit on the ground in front of the Mandir and listen to the Bhajan songs from there and i used to join them for lunch after completion of Bhajan.

That day also i alone entered the Bhajan hall and sat in the 2nd row. Inside the Bhajan hall, before the commencement of bhajan, an expert woman devotee was playing on the veena. Her fingers were expertly moving on the strings producing wealth of melodic nuance. As i was listening to the celestial and heavenly music produced by the Veena nada, something very deep in me stirred up. Waves of emotion started emerging up from my heart. The rhythm and frequency of that feeling, unknown to me till then, was very very slowly raising, wave after wave from my heart that was traversing all over the limbs of my body. Gradually the Intensity, the rhythm, the frequency of that unique feeling turned to anguish and pain gushing out from me. I could not understand the origin and where from such feeling was generating, and why it was generating and for what reason it was happening, for whose sake the feeling was happening and how it was happening.? Though there was no answer to that, it was happening. I tried to control the surge of feeling, but it only got aggravated and increased in its intensity. The more i tried to control that surge of feeling, the more it got aggravated. Suddenly Swami's beautiful face flashed inside me. As a spark ignites the vapourised fuel into inferno, similarly something inside my heart got ignited and I trembled. Swami's loving and smiling face appeared and disappeared in flashes. Silently my heart wept whenever Swami's face appeared and disappeared in flashes. The initial silent weeping increased in intensity beyond my control and i felt any moment it would burst out strongly. I felt it was not good to cry inside the Bhajan Mandir, hence i tried to control. When i was slightly able to control the outburst of cry,at that time Swami's smiling face disappeared. No sooner i was able to exercise control over the outburst of feeling than from somewhere Swami's loving face flashed inside and that very moment i lost control and every cell of mine began to weep silently and forcefully. This happened repeatedly. I was not able to understand why it was happening! I thought the Bhajan would start any time and Swami also would enter the Bhajan hall anytime. When the effect of flashing of Swami's face was generating so much emotion in me, i thought, what could be the real effect if i saw Swami physically entering the Bhajan hall! As crying aloud in the hall was not good, i thought it was wise to get up and slowly walk out. But i was not sure whether such an act of walking out of the bhajan hall was decent or not. But loosing control over emotion and crying aloud was also equally or more bad, i thought. I had another doubt, whether the Sevadal devotee stationed outside bhajan hall-- would he permit me to go out?. Therefore what to do? i was unable to take a correct decision and continuously i was weighing the good and bad of both remaining in and walking out from the hall. Finally, i could no more bear the violent emotion and agitation for crying and decided it might be good for everyone if I go out of the bhajan hall, whether decent or not. Hence, i slowly placed both my hands on the floor and pressing them down I altered my cross-legged sitting position to the-- on your marks,set ,go position-- and next moment I would have surely been walking out. Then Wow! i saw the Beautiful Smiling SWAMI, as if in dancing and floating in the air just above the floor, entering the bhajan hall. As i saw Swami entering the hall, i sat on the floor immediately. And no sooner i saw Swami, all the turbulent emotions burst out, like the heavily stored water in a dam gushes out in full force on collapsing of the dam. Bending my head fully, I wept uncontrollably and continuously( without creating noise); never in my life had i cried with so much force. Devotees were singing the bhajan songs loudly, and my cry melted in it. Several bhajan songs were sung by the devotees and not a single word came out of my mouth. Finally I heard the aarathi song which means Swami would immediately go out. I lifted my head and saw Swami passing in front of me towards the door. While passing SWAMI looked at my face very deeply and i saw all the LOVE and COMPASSION on HIS face and eyes.

As bhajan was over i came out of the hall. But i didn't go to that place where my friend was normally waiting for me for going to the lunch together, rather i avoided meeting him and i directly went behind on the other side of the bhajan hall and entered a spot where there were only trees and bushes. I sat there for a very long time weeping, without anyone noticing me. I didn't take lunch. When it was time for the afternoon session for SWAMI'S Interview, i got up, walked towards the Prashanthinilayam Building and sat on the ground in the front row where some devotees were already seated. After some time my friend entered the premises, and sat by my side. He questioned me as to where i had disappeared after the bhajan and whether i had lunch. I said i was not hungry, but could not give reason for not meeting him. Smilingly he told " Rao, You have escaped somewhere and might have cried also. " I couldn't answer.

We waited for a long time for Swami's Darshan. I was seated in the first row somewhere in the centre from where i could get the clear view of Swami's Interview room. Finally the Interview room door was opened, SWAMI wearing yellow coloured robe emerged out like the shining sun in the sky. Swami walked on the veranda, conversed with some devotees sitting there and from the veranda Swami stepped on the ground outside. Swami walked past many devotees without looking here or there walked straight and Wow! Swami stood right in front of me. Swami pointed His forefinger at me and lifted it upwards, indicating that i should get up and go to the Interview room. With immense happiness, I bowed to SWAMI and walked to the Interview room. Then Swami selected some more devotees for Interview and as i reached the Interview room, those lucky few also joined me outside the Interview room. After sometime Swami came towards the Interview room and entered and we also entered inside There is another room inside the interview room. Swami indicated me to enter the inside room. Swami also entered that room, stood in front of me for a few minutes looking very LOVINGLY and DEEPLY into my eyes. i folded both my hands reverentially and looked at Swami. Suddenly SWAMI started to move away from me, walking very fast towards the door of that room and nearly reached the door. Perplexed, I ran behind SWAMI uttering SWAMI SWAMI SWAMI and caught SWAMI'S HANDS with mine. Immediately SWAMI stopped and with all the MADHURA BHAVA and PREMA BHAVA held my hands. Holding Swami' hands with my hands, i walked backwards and stopped where we were standing a minute before. Swami also walked along with me and my steps, just like a child following and He stopped when i stopped walking. Bending His head SWAMI particularly lifted my left hand palm slightly up and tilted the upside of it to down so that the back of my left palm was facing up. Further SWAMI lifted one finger of my left palm and for a long time SWAMI gazed at it with ABUNDANT PREMA BHAVA , MADHURA BHAVA and some other HIGHEST BHAVAS, which i am simply unable to express through words, but I am able to FEEL & EXPERIENCE INTERNALLY whenever i think of THAT.( Even now ) SWAMI didn't tell anything or any words, but was gazing only at that finger of mine for a very long time. Meanwhile i was uttering some spiritual words to SWAMI. Then SWAMI slowly loosened HIS FINGERS which were holding my finger and my palms and turned and slowly walked towards the door of that room and went out of the room. I too followed SWAMI and came out. The BLESSED INTERVIEW was over and I returned.

After sometime, I was pondering over that had happened in the Interview Room, then it flashed in my mind that SWAMI was holding and gazing only at my Ring Finger on which i was wearing the gold ring that i had sold in Hyderabad to finance my Puttaparthy trip. SWAMI wanted me to realise the fact that SWAMI knew all about it; and NOTHING but SWAMI'S ABUNDANT LOVE AND COMPASSION only could compensate it. Probably no word would suffice, hence Swami didn't tell a single word, but SWAMI'S ABUNDANT LOVE & PREMA clearly said it, confirmed it. I was immensely satisfied and mentally paid my gratitude to SWAMI.

I continued to stay in Puttaparthy just to pay silently my gratitude to Swami. Next two days i had Swami's Beautiful Darshan. On the third day morning SWAMI was giving Darshan and calling some devotees for Interviews. After taking a circuitous round Swami came towards our side HE selected a few devotees who were seated by my side by pointing HIS fingers and raising it up at each one of them in turn. Swami selected one devotee who was seated next to me by pointing HIS fingers at him and next SWAMI pointed HIS finger at me and told me in a very sweet voice " BAATH KIYAA " , the meaning of which in Hindi is " Already had talk with you " . This was SWAMI'S wonderful way of indicating to me that I should not further stay back in Puttaparthy and I had been permitted to return to my place to carry on my duty of studies. Understanding SWAMI'S words, i immediately caught the next bus to Bangalore and proceeded from there to my Home.

The above writing is very lengthy. I am grateful to all for reading the same patiently.

My loving Pranams and Gratitudes to our Bhagavan.

Sai Ram.

-Ranganatha.Rao