My journal: mindful thoughts make me feel His grace

May 15, 2009

After days of pouring rain, the sun came out this morning. The birds are all out and about, flitting and chatting in the loudest voices they can find. The plants and trees, happily satiated with all that water are now smiling and beaming with the sun - they're quickly putting on their clothes of pinks and greens, whites and purples. What a gorgeous day to wake up to!

I love the joy that my life is filled with these days. I seem to be in a permanent state of grace. I just have to look around me and see that there is not a thing wrong in this world. This world is what it is - reality - God - and I'm blessed to be living in it, being so well taken care of by Him, fed, sheltered and happy. My thoughts seem joyful too.

Now and then, a thought comes in that's not so joyful - that resists the world, and the way things are, thinks things should be different - and even though it's just a thought in my mind, it's funny to see how my body reacts to it - my brow knits, my heart tightens, my shoulders slump. If a single thought can effect my body this way, I can't imagine if I'm filled with thoughts of resistance, obstinacy, indignation, self pity. Actually I can imagine it, because I was headed down that path just a couple of years ago - toward a state of depression. I had black bags around my eyes, my hair started turning grey, I had misery written all over my face. I'm still amazed at the change in myself from then to now, just by changing my mind; by choosing my thoughts.

I realized that I wasn't physically suffering, but the mind believes itself into thinking I am. Once I realized that all my pain is only in my mind and thoughts, it really was up to me whether to allow those painful thoughts or not.

Thoughts come and go, but I seem to be in a pleasant state of grace and joy all the time. When I feel an inkling of a knitted brow or a knot in my stomach, I know that I'm letting my mind indulge in misery. Feelings are a good way to know what kind of thought my mind is thinking - they instantly respond to a painful thought or a joyful thought in their own language - a tightness in my heart, or a happy sigh.

And when I know the world is perfect as it is, and I'm smiling, there are periods or spaces of no thoughts at all. What an amazing relief from the chattering mind, to just be - and then I'm able to focus on the perfect world around me - the birds still singing merrily, the breeze blowing in its sweet way, the sun shining brightly. God gives me so much, such an abundance of whatever I need to keep me fed, sheltered and happy. There really is nothing I need - absolutely nothing else.

Sai Ram and Love.

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