Guest guest Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 When I was a child, I longed to be an adult, when I could make my own rules and didn't have to be answerable to anyone else. When I was a young woman, I dreamt of a perfect person to share my life with, a perfect job to settle in. When I married, and had my own child, I dreamt of a perfect house with a pretty garden around it, to bring up my child in. It turns out that all my dreams have come to fruition, then why this restlessness still, as if something is missing? Why this longing for something so deep that I can't even name it? The dreams and cravings for some wordly perfection doesn't mean much to the real me inside - they were just a juicy bone for my dog-mind to chew on and enjoy for a short while. Wordly perfection doesn't seem to mean much for the spirit or for God. He doesn't care if I'm dressed perfectly or not; if I have a beautiful face or not; if I'm rich or not; if I'm healthy or not; if I have the perfect job or not. If He helped me achieve any of these in answer to my ignorant prayers, that's probably just to pull me in closer to Him. But if I'm honest to myself, it wasn't when I made my piddly achievements that I thought of God, but at times when He showed me the suffering under the achievements. Now in my later years I realize that all those things are just that - things - that I have surrounded myself with. Now what!? Both my feet are still firmly planted in this material world. And contrary to my childhood dreams, my dream now is to slowly get my feet out of this material world. Funny that I now want to give up the exact same dream that I unconsciously nurtured all my life. Because the longing underneath those dreams was the longing to be fulfilled. I was seeking this fulfillment in the material world, but matter can't fulfill my spirit. It is spirit alone that can fulfill my spirit - the spirit in my prayers, the spirit in the people around me, the spirit reflected in intentions, the spirit within all creation, the spirit of giving and serving - these are what fulfill my spirit. It is this spirit - the spirit of my soul that God is looking for. And this is what I want to offer up to Him. Sai Ram and Love sai_sravanthi_999 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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