Devotion’ is nothing but ‘Bhakti’

[Guest guest]

DEVOTION is nothing but Bhakti

 

I am a simple person and at first instant I feel

‘Devotion’ is nothing but ‘Bhakti’. However, thinking

seriously I feel that though ‘devotion’ sounds such a

simple word but it is so profound and has such deep

meaning that after looking up all dictionaries on the

Web, I am still not sure whether I got the true

meaning of this one single and simple word namely

‘Devotion’.

 

One could say that devotion is ‘pure unconditional

love without expecting any return’ like a mother is

devoted to her child, a wife is devoted to her husband

and a son/ daughter is devoted to his/ her parents.

And then there is devotion of a Bhakta to his/her

deity. This devotion is so very different from the

aforementioned devotion because a Bhakta worships his

God with the belief that he exists and is taking care

of him without even a single meeting with the God. I

consider myself as a Shirdi Sai Baba devotee and am

still trying to learn right method of devotion. To me,

Devotion means - my relationship with SaiBaba, which

has developed over the years.

 

When I was a child, I had this fascination for a

particular filmstar. I would leave all my work and

rush to TV every time his movie or song was being

telecast. I thought I was so crazily devoted to this

actor. Then suddenly one day I felt disgust at my

behaviour and a thought came into my mind. Why am I

wasting my time, energy and thoughts on a person I

don’t know and haven’t even met. Simultaneously, I

thought that if I could be even half as crazy for God

Almighty, as I am for this actor, then I would be so

lucky.

 

I remember as a kid, I had to accompany my parents to

Shiva temple everyday, which I did not like. But today

I am very thankful to them for showing me the right

path at such an early age. When I got married my

husband would take me to Saibaba Lodhi Road temple. I

would bow my head down before Baba and silently talk

to him ‘Baba I don’t know anything about you. I am

coming here to you because my husband is coming here.

If I could know something more about you and your

Leelas then things would be different’.

 

Luckily, after a few days, we had guests in our home,

who spoke about Baba so lovingly and also discussed

their experiences of reading ‘Sai Satcharita’.

Internally, I wanted to have this book. I found one

brand new Sai Satcharita in our home library itself. I

read it in seven days and my life changed altogether

thereafter. This was Baba’s first response to my

sprouting ‘devotion’.

 

I felt myself drawn towards Shirdi Sai Baba. I felt

Shiva, Krishna, Durga, Ganapathi, Hanuman – all are in

Sai and Sai is in all. I understood meaning of

‘Oneness of Gods’. I became ‘devoted’ to Sai and

started visiting Baba temples, read material available

on him. I just started loving Baba. Once I saw a

beautiful Saibaba murti left by a devotee under a

Peepal tree outside the temple because it was slightly

damaged (one portion of middle finger was broken and

base of stone on which Baba was sitting was slightly

chipped off). I just could not stop myself. I picked

up the Murti, hugged it and brought it home and kept

it in my temple. If I were to suffer a fracture my

family won’t discard me.

 

So what one devotee discarded as inauspicious became a

very auspicious blessing for another devotee. Does

devotion have different meanings for different

devotees? I am blessed that Murti is still in my home

and I can feel the change. Earlier Baba’s face looked

grim but over the years, the murti has got luster and

a smile on His face. I am very attached to that Murti.

I feel immense peace when I hug this Murti in my good

as well as bad times. I talk to the Murti as if Baba

were alive in this Murti. Today it is placed at a

prime place in my living room because I consider

Saibaba as a family member- the head of the family.

Sometimes I wonder if this is devotion or a crazy act.

 

One day I wanted to visit Saibaba temple very

earnestly and requested my elder son to take care of

his younger brother for at least one hour so than I

could go to the temple. He agreed but also added

‘SaiBaba is in your Home Maa. Why do you need to go to

temple’. Something hit me that day in those innocent

words. I thought my ‘devotion’ towards Baba was

actually ritualistic. Baba is inside me I just have to

look inward and I’ll find Shirdi & Baba all inside me.

I am also part and parcel of that ‘Oneness of

Universe’. Thus Baba was working on me internally.

 

And Why not, even Baba has said that there is no

distinction between God, Guru and Devotee. Now

‘devotion’ had another meaning for me – True love for

Baba and considering the whole creation as Baba. I

soon realized it was easier said than done. Though I

could now compose and sing Baba’s Bhajans, participate

in his Satsang but internally I was still expecting a

response from Baba in some form or the other. Not that

Baba was not responding. Baba always responded but

sometimes when I did not understand this response I

would feel Baba is not looking at me.

 

All in all I was expecting Baba’s response in return

to my devotion. I was praying to God, thanking him but

was also seeking favours in return because I always

felt that I was a good devotee - going to God in good

times and not bothering him during my bad times. I was

exercising choice, discrimination in my ‘devotion’ to

Baba. But still my internal communication with Baba

continued. I conversed with Baba almost most of the

day. I always felt him beside me and I was so

satisfied in this feeling that I thought with Baba

around me nothing can go wrong. Baba is the protector.

After all, I was not seeking ‘big’ favours from him

anymore. I thought I may not be the best devotee of

Saibaba but still I was a good devotee.

 

Then came the biggest jolt in my life, a real test of

my devotion, an eye (internal) opener. I lost my older

son (18 years) in a sudden road accident. A few days

before his passing Baba had appeared in my dream lying

on the ground with a white cloth covering his body. I

found my son’s lifeless body in similar position in

the AIIMS mortuary. What was Baba trying to tell me?

Suddenly, I felt my whole devotion had gone for a

toss. It was so very painful for me. I could think of

nothing but my lost son and my feeling of utter

despair at my big loss. Where was my ‘devotion’? I was

complaining. Why did Baba not save him?

 

And did Baba respond? Yes. All the way. I feel him

much more closer to me now. I started reading material

available on afterlife, NDEs, ADCs etc. As I got more

and more insight into my tragedy I felt foolish for

blaming Baba for this mishap in my life. Sai

Satcharita is full of stories about Prarabdha and now

I was actually understanding their meaning. Practical

was absolutely different from theory.

 

This ‘pain’ and ‘separation’ from my son awakened me

to an entirely new understanding of soul (me), spirit

(Baba) and spirituality which I had understood only at

intellectual level till now. Baba gave me answers to

all my queries through so many methods including

visions and dream visits. I was seeing my life in bits

and pieces while Baba knew all past and future. Baba,

very kindly, made me realize and understand that my

son was with him – all safe, sound, happy and

blissful. What more can a mother ask for? Baba gave to

my son after his 18 years of earthly life what I have

not been able to gain even after 40 years.

 

Nine months after my tragedy, I seem to have

understood a new meaning of the word devotion. Now,

devotion to me is loving SaiBaba, no matter what

happens in my life, with complete faith and trust and

without any expectation and return at all. Devotion

springs from love and complete confidence in God.

Devotion is my relationship with SaiBaba. I pray that

Baba keeps holding my hand all the time for the fear

that if I hold his hand, I might lose my grip when

faced with sudden upheaval in life. But SaiBaba will

never let go of this grip.

 

Idol worship, visiting temples, reading religious

books, performing religious ceremonies are some acts

of Devotion. Complete devotion could be something like

- continuous offering of the whole of you – mind,

thoughts, actions – with supreme love to the God who

is creator of all animate and inanimate things. I

cannot offer parts of my life to God. I have to offer

all my past, present and future - my entire being and

existence to God. I cannot measure Devotion. All the

time I feel something is lacking in my devotion. That

others are more devoted than me. That I still have to

refine my devotion towards my Baba. I have to live for

SaiBaba while simultaneously fulfilling all my worldly

duties and responsibilities efficiently. I have to

believe and follow all the words that SaiBaba ever

spoke. Only SaiBaba knows what is my qualification in

his Darbar.

 

Devotion could mean anything to anybody. To me,

Devotion means my relationship with SaiBaba. As this

relationship evolves, so does my devotion to Baba and

it continues to evolve. I have no idea where this

relationship is going to end for I have surrendered

all my intellectual and spiritual learning at the holy

feet of SaiBaba. I feel that I don’t know anything. My

Sadguru SaiBaba knows everything. He has taken care of

my son, sorry His own son, in heaven. He will take

care of me and my family too, on earth as well as when

we cross over. But I have to continue to strive, to

strengthen my devotion to SaiBaba. How? SaiBaba will

grace me with his holy guidance from time to time as

and when HE wills it for He alone knows what is

suitable for an ignorant person like me.